Did you get your tickets? We are speaking, of course, about free tickets to "Late Night with Conan O'Brien" which will be taping a week of shows at the Orpheum Theater starting on Monday. So, seriously, did you get tickets? And if so, can you take us with you? Actually, we will be going to one show, on Monday, when the guests will include Dana Carvey and the Arctic Monkeys. But man, we'd sure......

LAist is flashing a sad peace out to their editor Carolyn Kellogg with one hand and bumping knuckles with their new head typist L.A. blogger king Tony Pierce with the other. Where do ist editors go when they hang up the 'editorial we'? They take on MySpace, apparently. At least Ben Brown does. Austinist reminds of the just rewards of less savory careers this week and then they witness the Arctic Monkeys and We Are......

No, they're not incarcerated (that we know of). Actually we really hope they're not because we plan on finally seeing We Are Scientists live tonight when they open for Arctic Monkeys at the Warfield. You might already know that their debut album, With Love & Squalor, will drive you to do strange, angular dances to the stop-start rhythms, alarm clock guitars and addictive melodies. The 'Scientists may look like some emaciated slackers, but their rock......

Last week's winner, the Guardian: Hey, we've received late-breaking word of some layoffs at the Bay Area's Oldest Alternative Newspaper. Hope you guys are all doing okay. Onto the pre-layoff news: It's the Freedom of Information issue! Hey, here's some free information -- the Guardian laid off some people. Slumlords, first in a three-part series. Cover: FOIA, FOIA, FOIA. Vanessa Hua gets some love for breaking the Kevin Shelley story. RIP, Octavia Butler. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs are so much better than No Doubt! New DVD magazine by McSweeney's. Bars and Clubs insert: how to open your own bar, and barronista gossip. And SFist Eve's horoscope: a gust of wind could destroy your potential this week, so proteck ya neck! (don't feel bad, SFist Eve, our horoscope says that our inner fears have paralyzed us. Why, we can hardly move our fingers to type this post!) Next, the East Bay Express: Bottom Feeder! A collection of funny Jerry Brown quotes, and an update on the social worker that let a teenager slash an old lady's throat in Berkeley. Ferries aren't really going to save us in an earthquake, are they? (no.) Cover: using citrus-based anti-bacterial lotions to stop AIDS (really!). Chinese buffets. Rob Harvilla warns about the dangers of Dem Franchise Boyz's song "Lean wit It, Rock with it": "If you lean wit it at the exact moment the person behind you chooses to rock wit it, you may collide and knock each other unconscious." That wins the prestigious "sentence of the alternative week" award! And trendy band alert: Arctic Monkeys. And hey, the SF Weekly's Nate Cavalieri shows up across the bay! Lean wit the SF Weekly, rock wit the Metro, after the jump. Also, the weekly of the week!...

Like the Arctic Monkeys say: Fake Tales of San Francisco / Echo through the room. In honor of the soon-to-be-released JT LeRoy movie, "The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things," we've got a new contest! "The Heart Is Deceitful" is based on JT LeRoy's biography creation myth, about how he "ran away" from his "foster home" with his "drug-using trick-turning teenage mother Sarah" to "come out" in "San Francisco." The movie was written and directed by Asia Argento, who also plays Sarah, and it will be officially premiering on March 24 at the Castro (though it did also show at last year's IndieFest). What can you win in this contest? The adorable DECEITFUL t-shirt and undies set shown above, and possibly passes to the movie as well (we're still working on that second part). It's a heart on the crotch of the undies. And what do we want in exchange? Give us your fakest tale of San Francisco! A one-line description of the character ("a Green Party blogger who practices vegan-friendly S&M in the basement of the rental apartment she's going to be Ellis Act evicted out of"), sample dialogue from your San Francisco slash fiction novel ("'Kiss me again, Chris!,' breathed Gavin. 'Like Kimberly does!'"), or even a whole paragraph of your tale -- we'll publish the top three entries (if we get enough entries in the first place, you slackers), and the winner takes the underwear and possibly the passes too if we get 'em. Do a good enough job and we might ask your character to write a column for the 'Fist! Enter early and often! We and our intersex dog-walker friend who sells meth in clubs to finance an experimental documentary about the tech industry can't wait to read what you've got! ...

Those ubiquitous festive red cups from Starbucks say "It only happens once a year," but apparently it lasts for a good six weeks. We're kicking off party season by celebrating Mesh Magazine's two-year anniversary on Friday at 111 Minna. For a mere $8 cover you can see The Mall, Moggs, Calling All Monsters, DJ Nako (Popscene), and DJ Rooster (Ugly Sundays) while drinking some Fernet-Branca and congratulating the editors and writers on two great years.......