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American Football Spectacular: Capsulizing The 2009 NFL Draft's First Round, "A Tale Of Two Receivers"

American Football Spectacular: Capsulizing The 2009 NFL Draft's First Round, "A Tale Of Two Receivers"

It's time for American Football Spectacular's capsule reviews of the first round in the 2009 NFL Draft. All the intrigue, all the anticipation, all the measurables! All hard information was culled from NFL.com's pretty excellent draft tracker site. Let's do this. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Super Bowl XLIII, "What's A Niner Fan To Do?"

American Football Spectacular: Super Bowl XLIII, "What's A Niner Fan To Do?"

* Pittsburgh vs. Arizona (in Tampa)
Sunday, February 1, 2009. 3:00 PM, PST.
Super Bowl XLIII
Battle Of The Steelers


Oh, great. SF's semi-rival Arizona Cardinals against the five-ring-holding Stillrrs.

If Arizona wins, our once hysterically hapless divisional foe (now built into an actual team by former Steeler coaches) get a championship for the first time since 1947. If PIT wins, they pull ahead of the 49ers and Cowboys for most total Super Bowl wins. Who to root for in today's game, then? Fuhhhh. It's a Morton's Fork. It's a Kobayashi Maru. It's no fun. What's a Niner fan to do?

Root for the Steelers. Here's why. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Kevin Fagan

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Kevin Fagan

Defensive end Kevin Fagan and his mighty mustache helped hold the line for George Seifert's boxer's-mentality 3-4 defensive scheme during the zenith of San Francisco's 1980s power. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Roger Craig

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Roger Craig

This Sunday, the current San Francisco 49ers will be honoring the 49ers of the past by wearing mustaches in their final game of 2008 against Washington. We will honor this honor by honoring Great 49er Mustaches as this game draws nigh.

Roger Craig was one of the most versatile running backs the NFL has ever seen.

A perfect fit for Bill Walsh's short-passing offensive system, in 1985 Craig became the first man to gain 1,000 yards rushing and 1,000 receiving in the same season. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Joe Montana

American Football Spectacular: Great 49er Mustaches: Joe Montana

This Sunday, the current San Francisco 49ers will be honoring the 49ers of the past by wearing mustaches in their final game of 2008 against Washington. We will honor this honor by honoring Great 49er Mustaches as this game draws nigh.

When Joe Montana first came to the 49ers from Notre Dame in 1979, he brought this fanciful Fu Manchu style with him.

Of course, everything went up from there. Joe grew into the greatest quarterback the NFL has every seen, and the 49ers began their golden age of dominance throughout the 1980s. more ›

American Football Spectacular: That Mustache Feeling

Holy living crap, we love this so much!!

This coming Sunday, the 49ers are having a throwback uniform day in the final game of the season as Washington comes to Candlestick.

Word is that the o-linemen got it in their heads to pay tribute to Niners of the past by breaking out throwback mustaches to go with the throwback unis. The glorious idea spread, and now much of the team will be attempting mustaches for the Week 17 matchup as sign of strength of silly solidarity.

The Redskins ain't gonna stand a chance. more ›

American Football Spectacular: 49er & Ram Songs for The Holiday Season

* San Francisco vs. St. Louis
Sunday, December 21, 2008. 10:00 AM, PST.
Week 16
The Interim Battle


Remember when battles between the 49ers and Rams would be cataclysmic offensive showdowns to determine ownership of the NFC West?

Yeah, those days are gone for now. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Beyond Caring

American Football Spectacular: Beyond Caring

Only a few games left of the NFL's 2008 season and as is customary, the Raiders are in full plummet. The last things that stand to be parsed out are which players are making enough of a name to picked up by other teams next year, which players are playing enough to be kept via Al's calculi for next season, and those that have given up all hope whatsoever.

"We're not close," said Oakland's best player, CB Nnamdi Asomugha, to the Merc after the last week's loss to San Diego, "and it's clear that we're not close. We don't play good football, we don't play sound football, and we have been undisciplined. We wonder why we don't get prime-time games, and this is why. We were on Monday night against Denver, we got blown out. Now, we came here and we got blown out. You just wonder how many people care and how many people are upset. You can't go out and play the way we played and expect to win or expect to do well."

Ouch. more ›

Steve Young: Still Elusive!

Steve Young: Still Elusive!

Found by American Football Spectacular's vigilant Kansas City correspondent Kyle Vorak, this mesmerizing image is from last night's TB@CAR ESPN coverage.

People of Charlotte, we say to you: do not be unkind to Steve Young.

As you can see, he is still elusive after years of retirement (and those adorable truck ads that your Mom appreciates). more ›

American Football Spectacular: Holding Down The Reset Button

American Football Spectacular: Holding Down The Reset Button

* San Francisco vs. Arizona
Monday, November 10, 2008. 5:30 PM, PST.
Week 10
The Battle For Change


Can you believe that a week ago it was still in-question whether the United States Of America would either embrace change or sink with the failed policies of the GOP regime?

What a difference a week makes.

Also attempting turnaround is 49er Head Coach Samurai Mike Singletary. more ›

American Football Spectacular: The Niners Are Courting Condi?! Keep Your Powder Dry.

American Football Spectacular: The Niners Are Courting Condi?! Keep Your Powder Dry.

OK, it has been reported by the NFL Network that the 49ers may offer a position to Secretary Of State Condoleezza Rice

One high-ranking 49ers official said last week, “If she’s interested in talking to us, I’m interested in talking to her.” Rice has told friends as recently as last week she would love to become president of an NFL team.


Should this rumor develop into an actual possibility, you'd best believe that we'll unleash a fusillade of withering criticism at the all-measurable-results-are-failure York family 49er ownership for offering a job to an all-measurable-results-are-failure war criminal. For the Yorks to make such an insane business move... the thought almost defeats all irony. This simply can't be. more ›

American Football Spectacular: A Fish Rots From The Head First

American Football Spectacular: A Fish Rots From The Head First

After dutifully soaking-in the coverage of Samurai Mike Singletary's promotion to head coach, the unfortunate conclusion becomes: it doesn't matter who San Francisco's head coach is.

The single biggest problem hobbling the 49er brand is that the ownership is inept in overseeing the processes of running a football franchise. more ›

American Football Spectacular: After Beating The 49ers, One NYG Fan's Diagnosis

American Football Spectacular: After Beating The 49ers, One NYG Fan's Diagnosis

Well, that sucked.

Now we've got all these rumors swirling that Head Coach Nolan II will be fired after this latest underwhelming showing.

American Football Spectacular's New York American Football Giants correspondent Joon Lee has some verrry specific opinions about Nolan and the state of the Niners... more ›

American Football Spectacular: A Level Of Sadness Akin To Elliott Smith

American Football Spectacular: A Level Of Sadness Akin To Elliott Smith

Reporting from the snow-dappled streets of Chicago, it's your American Football Spectacular preview for this Saturday night's battle at The Stick as The Queen City's feline football franchise comes to town. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Kill The Head And The Body Will Die

American Football Spectacular: Kill The Head And The Body Will Die

Joe Frazier was once quoted as sayin' "Kill the body and the head will die." For an NFL offensive unit, the opposite is the case. And here comes the context: it's your American Football Spectacular preview for lucky Week 13 of the 2007 NFL season. more ›

American Football Spectacular: One Up, One Down

American Football Spectacular: One Up, One Down

Reporting from spa-side in Santa Ana, it's your American Football Spectacular preview of the next rung of pain on the agony ladder that is the 49ers' '07 season. more ›

American Football Spectacular: All My Ghosts

American Football Spectacular: All My Ghosts

The 49ers venture into the wilds of Jersey this Sunday to war with the New York American football Giants. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Man(ny) Down

American Football Spectacular: Man(ny) Down

Ahhh, crap. During this week’s practice, 49er OLB Manny Lawson tore an ACL and will be out for the 2007 season. This is a mighty blow to the nascent Niner defense, who had been counting on the former first-round pick to lend his 6’5” frame and sprinter’s speed to the linebacking corps this year. more ›

American Football Spectacular: "Momma Said Knock You Out"

American Football Spectacular: "Momma Said Knock You Out"

After staunching out the Arizona Cardinals last week, the Niners head to St. Louis to try to get ahead at the expense of the reeling Rams and claw ahead in the NFC West race. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Your Complete 2007 NFL Regular Season Guesstimate

American Football Spectacular: Your Complete 2007 NFL Regular Season Guesstimate

Thank goodness. Let the blessed distraction begin. For just a little while, there there be kickoffs and touchdowns and the illusion of a level playing field. Tonight, it's time for the National Football League's 2007 regular season to begin. Wonderful. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Capsulizing the 2007 NFL Draft's First Round

American Football Spectacular: Capsulizing the 2007 NFL Draft's First Round

It's time for American Football Spectacular's capsule reviews of the 2007 NFL Draft. Adventure, excitement,measureables! more ›

American Football Spectacular: Your 2007 NFL Draft Wants & Do-Not-Wants

American Football Spectacular: Your 2007 NFL Draft Wants & Do-Not-Wants

Coming to you from da city of Da Bears, it's your American Football Spectacular shorthand 2007 NFL Draft overview for the 49ers and Raiders. The draft is here. What should each team want, and what should each team do-not-want? * For the 49ers, WANT: NT/DL DO-NOT-WANT: WR Shut up. Listen, picking a wide receiver high in the draft simply does not pay dividends by nature of the position. You've got the rare Larry Fitzgerald, and... more ›

It's Got to Be the Morning After

It's Got to Be the Morning After

At times, coaches get blamed for losing a game. Herm Edwards, Doc Rivers, and Marty Schottenheimer, we're looking at you... more ›

American Football Spectacular: Fleeing Father Time, The Police, And Derrick Burgess

American Football Spectacular: Fleeing Father Time, The Police, And Derrick Burgess

It doesn't matter that QB Brett Favre is a hero, plays like he loooves the game, is an uncriticizable Maya Angelou-grade national hero -- choosing not to retire and coming for another season to play quarterback for the Packers stunted the Green Bay franchise's growth by a year. more ›

American Football Spectacular: The Raiders Might Finish 2006 As Number One!

American Football Spectacular: The Raiders Might Finish 2006 As Number One!

Having the number one pick in the 2007 NFL Draft, that is. After losing horrifically to the Houston Texans 23-14 in a home game where the dauntless Raider Power Mullet defense limited Yoostun to 32 yards passing yards and still lost! more ›

American Football Spectacular: Dark Homecoming

American Football Spectacular: Dark Homecoming

* Houston vs. Oakland Sunday, December 3, 2006. 1:15 PM, PST. Week 13 The Battle Of The Trough After losing four straight games to every team in the AFC West and one franchise that used to be in the division for good measure (@SEA; DEN; @KC; @ SD), the Raiders limp home. In uglier times early on this season before the wins versus ARI and PIT, this Week 13 game against the flailing Houston Texans had been projected as the Raiders' best chance to get a win. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Hope And Tragedy

American Football Spectacular: Hope And Tragedy

Week Twelve of the National Football Season's regular season is here, post-Thanksgiving. Grab some leftovers and plunk down on the couch, here comes this weekend's set of Bay Area American football entertainment. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Don't Drink & Drive; You May Die, Kill, Or Lose Your Chance To Be A Deep Threat

American Football Spectacular: Don't Drink & Drive; You May Die, Kill, Or Lose Your Chance To Be A Deep Threat

Ahhh crap, 49er WR Antonio Bryant got nailed for DUI on Sunday night after the big win over the Seahawks. Bryant had two catches for 21 yards in the game. And later, 'round midnight, Mr. Reformed Hothead was clocked above 100 mph in a 2005 Lamborghini between Redwood City and San Mateo. Moron. more ›

American Football Spectacular: Our Villains Are Bleeding And So Are We

American Football Spectacular: Our Villains Are Bleeding And So Are We

Coming to you from Shannon Arms in the Sunset while watching Michigan vs OSU, it's American Football Spectacular's National Football League week eleven preview! more ›

American Football Spectacular: Oh Man, It's The Morning After, "Shut The Door"

American Football Spectacular: Oh Man, It's The Morning After, "Shut The Door"

Somewhere in between leaving San Francisco and being coaxed into not leaving San Francisco, and then definitely leaving San Francisco, and then who knows what, the 49ers beat the Lions, 19-13 in Detroit. more ›

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