Previously on "America's Next Top Model," Marjorie delighted the Dutch locals with her charming lack of direction and poise. This week Marjorie tried to convince herself that she'd try to calm the hell down and not let her nerves get to her, although she was also under the impression that her nerves made her interesting. Challenge! Paulina tries to teach them how to sell things without words, like pretending that herring smells terrific, or toilet... [continue]

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie's humpback look trumped Sheena's hooch. Ah, yes. The go-see episode! Since the models are in Amsterdam, they would, of course, have to go on their go-sees via boat, and they weren't speedboats. Marjorie was nervous, and lost, and most of the people she asked for help with directions totally ignored her, which, can you blame them? A hunchbacked bundle of nerves asks you in a foreign language to... [continue]

Previously on "Your Locals": Pure drivel. This week on "America's Next Top Model" this girls flew to AmsterDAAAAAAM, which is in Europe, which means Marjorie and Elina's patented brand of European moodiness would fit right in, right? Once in Amsterdam, the models had to find their new house on their own, in teams of two, "Amazing Race"-style. Marjorie's being European did her no favors as she didn't seem to realize America dollars don't do much... [continue]

Previously on "America's Next Top Model": Clip show. Feh. Omigod, the show begins with Elina talking about how she doesn't show emotion because she's from Europe, and unless you're from Europe, you just wouldn't understand. So this show has taught us that Europeans are a bunch of socially awkward misfits who are afraid to cry. Who knew? Of course, Marjorie totally understands, and when confronted by Samantha with the fact that, like, didn't they move... [continue]

"America's Next Top Model" was clip show last week, and we didn't really learn anything about Marjorie that we didn't already know, like how she's awkward. And French. And is in love with Analeigh. So let's move on to... "Survivor: Gabon." Previously, Sugar was sent to Exile Island and chilled in her Sugar walls. Once she returned post-Tribal Council, she was pleased to see Ace was in her new Fang--Carl LaFong--tribe. Chrystal, meanwhile, was sure... [continue]

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie was awkward. Or French. Or both. Elina has a tattoo above her ladybits that says "A voice for those who can't speak." So, does her vagina speak for those who can't? And is it available for speaking engagements? The models walk in on Tyra in the middle of a photoshoot, which she stops long enough to talk about how great her poses are, and how her signature pose... [continue]

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" Marjorie posed as the Headless Horseman. So it should come as no surprise that she was all doom and gloom at the beginning of this week's episode, lamenting the fact that she has no "positive mantra," unlike her chipper housemates, including Analeigh. Marjorie acknowledged that she is a bundle of nerves, and it isn't helping in the competition. Challenge! Paulina taught the girls that during catalog shoots, it is... [continue]

Omigod, y'all! There's someone on "Survivor: Gabon" we actually kind of know...OK. We've never actually met her, but she starred in a student film a friend made at SFSU, so that almost counts, right? Her name is Jessica Kiper and the student film, written and directed by Alexandra Lacey, is called Weekend at the Casa Munras, and you can watch it at the Free Spirits Film site. Jessica, who is calling herself "Sugar" on the... [continue]

Previously on "America's Next Top Model" local girl Marjorie didn't do anything memorable. This week the models came home to find Tyra sitting in their living room wearing a tiara. She demanded everyone open their pretty pink princess bags, don their own tiaras, sit on the floor and eat pizza. It was a princess party! In which Tyra talked about herself. Of course. Her story: She started out doing high fashion but then sprouted boobs... [continue]

This week on "American's Next Top Model" local spaz Marjorie returned to the model den triumphant, with her winning photo splashed on the wall. But no time for basking! It's time for a lesson with bendable Benny, which required the models to pose in red tubes of fabric. "Unobviously." Post-lesson the girls played truth or dare in the hot tub. Marjorie was nowhere to be found. But there was some drama between Alaskan Hannah and... [continue]

With the fall TV season upon us, we were looking forward to a new batch of reality TV locals to make fun of cover. First up was "America's Next Top Model" contestant Marjorie, and she brought much to mock in the season premiere. But, alas, our boyfriend TiVo decided he'd had enough of that show, and erased it before we had a chance to re-watch it for a recap. But we can tell you this:... [continue]

Have you been watching "Mad Men"? Yeah, yeah, everyone says it's the bee's knees, but in this case everyone is right. It's a show we love so much we wish we could take it to the prom and have its illegitimate babies. Sundays at 10 P.M. on AMC. Check it out! Here's a scene from the second season premiere featuring none other than San Francisco's own First Lady, (Wait. Is that what she's called now?),... [continue]

We were a little perturbed to learn there was a local on the new season of "Big Brother," not because we weren't planning on watching every damn minute--believe us, we were--but because that's a lot of show to recap. Let's see how that local did, shall we? The guy's name is Brian Hart, he was in the Air Force, and he's in telecommunications, which is to say, he sells cell phones. His introduction showed him... [continue]

Previously on "Shear Genius," locals Paulo and Nekisa made the cut, as it were, and lived on to style another day. The Short Cut Challenge was a...short cut, taking hair from long to short in 45 minutes. The guest judge was Tabatha from last season, and she was her usual blunt bitchy self. Nekisa's client had hair damaged from a lot of bleaching, and it looked like it was just breaking off in the back,... [continue]

"Your Locals" took a break last week because the "Top Chef" reunion was a total let-down, aside from Jen and Zoi coyly refusing to discuss the status of their relationship, which was essentially the same as shouting at the top of their lungs that they had broken up. There was not near enough Lisa bashing to please us, and Stephanie--the winner of the season--also won the audience choice prize. Bo-ring! But we're happy to report... [continue]

First off: Lisa lost "Top Chef." Stephanie won. All is right with the reality TV world. The reunion show is this Wednesday, and we can't wait to see what the other chefs have to say about Lisa making it to the final three. And we'll see if Lisa continues to badmouth the stupid, poor bloggers who can't even afford to eat in her restaurants. Which leaves us with "The Bacherlorette" and local bachelor and chef... [continue]

First, let's once again acknowledge the enduring presence of Lisa on "Top Chef." No, she's not a local, but we like to think she is at least partially responsible for the elimination of our four locals from the competition, so she's worth mentioning. Part one of the finale last week demonstrated what is inherently wrong with "Top Chef"'s judging scheme. It's not cumulative; any chef can go home based on the dish being judged during... [continue]

Let's start with a little bit of "Top Chef" coverage. Lisa was in the bottom two again last week. AND SHE WASN'T ELIMINATED. AGAIN. Which means she's made it to the final four. It also means someone on the "Top Chef" staff has a bitch face fetish. In actual locals news, Robert Fair, the local chef vying for the affections of "The Bachelorette" went on a group date that brought seven men to Dodgers... [continue]

As you may have noticed, "Your Locals..." has taken a break for a few weeks, a result of our locals being picked off of "Top Chef" one by one, as well as a growing sense of disgust with this season in general. Our disgust wasn't tempered with last week's episode, when Dale was kicked off, and Lisa--LISA!--was kept on, AGAIN. (The week before, Lisa, Miss "I HATE POLISH SAUSAGE!" called out Andrew for not following... [continue]

Man. For the second week in a row, "Top Chef" has really pissed us off. Not for the obvious reasons of losing our locals, but because it seems like the judges are making some really boneheaded decisions, and it's just annoying to watch. Anyway, last week we lost Ryan, leaving Jennifer the last local standing. But for how long?? At Chez Chef, Twitchy McTwit was pleased "pretty boy" Ryan had left, while admitting the place... [continue]