SFist Monthly Favorites

Wish You Were Dead Pool

Many of our friends have been laid off by ailing companies, so we worry that places we love might go under. What's more, it's frustrating to see companies we adore fall to bits while ones that befuddle and bewilder remain safe and sound.

So: This is a great time for the herd to thin, if you will.

Nominate places you'd love to see (local or otherwise) go under and why -- writing "SFist" will only hurt our feelings and have us rushing to take the final Nestea plunge over the Golden Gate Bridge, by the way -- and we'll put the local companies to a vote later this week. (Like, say, Barnes and Noble at the Wharf. Who goes there? We can think of something else we'd love to see there instead.)

Is this super ghoulish? Yes. Will it be fun/informative? Hope so.

San Francisco, a Great Place to Visit, but....

MSN writer Diane Vadino suggests in her article "A Great Place to Visit, but …" that San Francisco is, as the title of her post suggests, a fantastic vacation excursion ("[s]hop Hayes Valley and Valencia Street; get brunch at Tartine, lunch at the Dolores Park Café, snacks at Bi-Rite, and dinner at Delfina."), but blows when it comes to setting up camp.

Other neighborhoods, though, reveal images more police-blotter than tourism-brochure: a staggering homeless population, rampant open-air drug use, public parks and buses made intimidating and unsafe by unruly combinations of both. To live in San Francisco is to daily confront these issues -- and probably from under a dense bank of fog. (The climate's as much London as it is L.A.)

While she's confused on some accounts -- rampant open-air drug use? Where are these airy spots and how can we get to them? -- she's correct when it comes to the public parks and homeless issue, and that, yes, living here is hard. Very hard for those of us not making six figures, that is. (Some of us also have trouble identifying snow, it seems.) But in the end, San Francisco is a city. And cities have these kinds of problems.

In a hat tip to Newsomian politics, Vadino ends by saying that after a visit to Baghdad by the Bay you can "go home, safe in the knowledge that San Francisco puts on its best face for its guests ... [leaving] the hard work of citizenship to the locals."

Further proof that San Francisco is one big amusement park? The work of a clueless writer? A little bit of both?

(Added bonus: Vadino also has some leftover love/vitriol for Berkeley. Oh, and thanks, Joel, for the tip!)

Equality California Director Backs Out of Obama Inauguration Over Warren Pick

Geoff Kors, Executive Director of Equality California, has decided not to an invitation to attend Obama's inauguration. Why? Because of the Obama administration's decision to have evangelical pastor Rick Warren deliver the invocation. Warren, you see, worked to get prop 8 passed, which allowed discrimination into the California state constitution. An odd choice, indeed.

Kors defends his decision not to attend, saying, "I have decided to decline the invitation to attend the inauguration as I cannot be part of a celebration that highlights and gives voice to someone who advocated repealing rights from me and millions of other Californians."

What a mistake. We keep talking about how gays need to build coalitions and introduce ourselves to people and make ourselves known; after all, Harvey Milk's whole deal was coming out and being visible. But now this guy is turning down an opportunity to introduce himself to the VERY PEOPLE WHOSE HEARTS WE NEED TO TURN? Jesus.

Geoff's reservations are understandable; if we were in his place, we would think, "How could we, in good conscience, be a part of something that involves a person of whom we disapprove so strongly?" But then we would re-think with a bit more clarity, "How could we NOT?" This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to engage, and we are disappointed that EQCA is passing it up.

Rick Warren has been spoiling for a fight ever since he started attacking our families. But he's bluffing -- this is a fight that everyone knows we (i.e., those of us for equal rights) will win. So what's EQCA afraid of? Politics is a big bad messy place, and if they're too scared to skin their knuckles once in a while, they oughta pack it in now. If we may quote from an episode of Star Trek? Ahem:

If you can't take a little bloody nose -- maybe you had better go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous -- with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross -- but it is not for the timid.

If Geoff Kors is so opposed to Obama's selection and to what Rick Warren represents, then he should have the nerve to walk up to them both and tell them, not hide in California.

Geoff, we hope you reconsider. Please.

Solidarity with Greek Uprising at Westfield San Francisco Centre

Around 50 to 75 people were allegedly involved in a spree of vandalism, masquerading as a protest, at Westfield San Francisco Centre on Saturday. The mall rally, which started at about 4:30 at 24th and Mission and moved to New College, happened at 6:30 p.m. According to reports, some protesters threw food, one protester "tried to toss a large planter onto the food court below," trash cans were overturned, and lots of yelling was heard.

Apparently this was all part of something called "Solidarity with Greek Uprising," a protest over the "death of a young man in Greece in early December."

However, one of the protesters at the scene, Alex Crumbsnatcher, contacted SFist. Crumbsnatcher tells us a slightly different account of what went down.

We chanted for a while and some people talked and we decided to sit in the streets and decide where to go next. It felt like it was too late to go back and take over New College, and alot of people were losing steam and hope ... We literally ran to Wells Fargo and screamed and chanted and talked outside. We had recruited a few more people along the way and decided to take over market. We kept marching and running and filled up the whole street and stopped oncoming traffic. It was about that time that we decided to go to Westfield Mall.

Then, things got ugly. Or not.

We got there and stormed in, all screaming, and one person jumped up on a directory. He sat there for about 5 seconds and then jumped down. The cops ran at him, and the rest was a huge blur. People started screaming, and the cops took the guy down, and started throwing down and hitting everyone within arm's reach with their nightclubs. It was horrifying. Shoppers who were just there shopping and not involved started screaming at the police as well that we didn't do anything wrong and to stop. We had a cart with soup in it that was to feed the people marching, and in the violence, people got thrown into it, and it got knocked over. This was later said by the police to be us "throwing food." We were literally pushed and thrown out of the mall with nightsticks and police were assaulting anyone who came near them or the paddywagon they had the few arrests that they made locked in.

Then, things got even more police-y.

They took off, and we marched down Market a little ways, and then ran down an alley where we thought the police wouldn't be as likely to follow and harrass us. The police came speeding through on bikes, and almost hit several innocent people who were not even involved. I heard several people talk about being in terror of the cops, but not of us. One person tried to block an officer who almost hit him with his bike out of reflex, and was thrown on the pavement, and arrested violently.

The rally ended at the Christmas tree at Union Square. Few arrests were made.

Central Subway One Step Closer to Becoming a Reality

The San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency (SFMTA) announced yesterday that the feds have given the much-needed Central Subway its final environmental clearance. Praise God.

The $1.3 billion plan will connect the new-ish T-Third line from SoMa to Chinatown, dotted along the way with underground stations at Chinatown, Moscone Center, and Union Square, and a surface pit stop at Fourth and Brannan.

Now all the Central Subway needs is the Board of Supervisors to show it some love. And how could they not? "The Central Subway will help relieve congestion on one of the most crowded corridors in the country," said Mayor Gavin Newsom via press release. "The project will also provide thousands of jobs in these difficult economic times." Not to mention get more people to use public transit.

Construction should begin in 2010, with service starting in 2016.

Silent Protest Perplexes

Photo by Jim Herd

Though we loathe Stuff White People Like to its core, this kind of protest might be found there. You've seen it before: sour-looking, self-righteous puss with tape over the mouth to signify censorship. Or being silenced. Or needing attention. Or some other nonsense.

Typically, this kind of ineffective protest can be found on your average college campus, but this festive gathering, which happened in San Francisco, is just downright confusing. Even SFCitizen hasn't a clue as to what these people are allegedly upset about. Do you?

Heterosexual Alert

Photo by Matt Baume/SFist

The image above has a smattering of aimless queers all hot and bothered, and not in a good way. It seems at last week's Marriage Equality Community Forum, a forum to help get Prop 8 overturned, a few angry souls suggested calling the manager of Pottery Barn to complain about how their Castro window-display promotes heterosexual coupling.

Huh? Exactly.

Also, do gays living west of I-5 even shop at Pottery Barn? It seems unlikely.

Bike Overload on Bart

Oh oh.

Local darling Jameth came across the above scene while riding Bart. He gently points out what he saw and how that made him feel.

There are nine other cars. You can spread your bikes out. I know this because I can see a ton of vacant space in either direction on other cars.
The yellow sign on the middle bicycle? It reads: "BICYCLING A QUIET STATEMENT AGAINST OIL WARS"

Not so quiet when you block the fuck out of the exits, you morons. A winner is you.

You may starting pulling your hair out and demanding severed heads on a silver platter... now.

Who's at the Office Today?

"Am I the only one at work today?" read several Facebook updates this morning.

Nope.

So: in lieu of navigating through airport traffic and dodging clinically-obese, out-of-state passengers, are any readers still at the office today? (If so, we feel your pain.) Where are you at? And when does/did happy hour start? Managers, what will you do to make today a bit more merrier for your underlings? Let us know all about your inter-office holiday anguish in the comments.

Image: Darwin Bell

"Flea-Filled Armpits" Letter of Canine Fecal Matter Anguish Found on Lombard

Found at Lombard at Baker, it pretty much explains itself. Enjoy.

Canine Fecal Matter Letter of Anguish, Glen Park

Shit happens. Even on the up-and-coming Chenery Street in Glen Park.

First of all, nice semicolon placement, angry poop hater. And second, why can't dog walkers put their vile plastic bags of fecal matter into any trash can that's on the street? We do.

(Sent to us by Mission Mission's Allan Hough.)

Yelp Day Never Happened: Prop 8 Related?

You remember how the Mayor's office told Yelp that they were going to declare December 4 Yelp Day? But then, when the day arrived, team Newsom blabbed to the media that that wasn't the case, even though they had sent Yelp higher-ups several emails telling them otherwise?

Well, it turns out, according to SFGate, the cancellation all had something to do with Prop 8, the same-sex marriage ban.

Shortly after Californians banned same-sex marriage, Yelpers angry about the outcome started giving bad reviews to businesses whose owners donated to the Yes on 8 side - even if they'd never actually patronized the business. Yelp, whose founders voted against Prop. 8, removed those reviews and said political discussion was welcome elsewhere on the site.

An upset Matthew Goudeau, director of the mayor's Office of Protocol or Whatever, forwarded a terse e-mail exchange he had last month with Jeremy Stoppelman, Yelp's co-founder, to the Gate; the Mayor's office claimed anger over Yelp's removal over anti-Prop 8 reviews; and then some sort of foie gras reference was made. (Read more about it here at SF Gate, who seem to think Yelp Day, or lack thereof, is of the up0tmost importance.)

Gay Leaders Upset with Obama Over Evangelical Minister Pick

Billed by some as "Obama’s first big mistake," gay activists are livid with President-elect Barack Obama over choosing Rick Warren to deliver the invocation at his inauguration in January. Warren, senior pastor of Saddleback Church in Orange County, is a conservative evangelical minister who backed prop 8, the same-sex marriage ban. (Warren defended himself in a recent interview, saying, "I have many gay friends. I’ve eaten dinner in gay homes. No church has probably done more for people with AIDS than Saddleback Church.") Noted gay rights leaders like Human Rights Campaign president Joe Solomonese and Courage Campaign chair Rick Jacobs have voiced their extreme disappointment in Obama. The choice, however, is also being called "a conciliatory gesture toward social conservatives who opposed [Obama] in November."

Haiku Giveaway: Modern Alchemy Dia De Los Muertos Candle from BellJar

Local Mission boutique BellJar, purveyor of "gorgeous little things," is the perfect place to shop for one-of-a-kind, last-minute holiday gifts. The shop, which opened last spring, is decked out with awe-inspiring vintage furniture and curios and features a lovely assortment of unique collectibles, housewares, and clothing. You might just find SFist there this weekend!

Demonstrating BellJar owner Sasha Wingate's slightly dark sensibility, BellJar is awarding this beautiful "Dia De Los Muertos" candle from DL & Co's Modern Alchemy line to one lucky SFist commenter who crafts the best haiku using the words "dead" and "Christmas." The winner will be notified by 11 a.m. tomorrow.

Update: There were so many great haikus, it was hard to pick (except the 5-7-5 rule helped us eliminate a couple). But we thought didionesque's was a stand-out:

Hark! What is this dread?
Christmas fuels the living dead.
Green sleeves bleedeth red...

BellJar | 3187 16th St, San Francisco | (415) 626-1749 | belljarsf@gmail.com

Parking on Alabama Street Gone Awry

Local blogger Bunny Land had a bit of trouble when trying to park his scooter the other day. "I parked at a small stretch of curb between two driveways. I avoid this spot, because the first time I parked there, when I came out in the morning there were notes on my scooter" -- e.g., the image at right.

He goes on to say that "you can't rent a curb, there was no where else, so I parked there. I have actively been avoiding this spot, since I got the note, because anyone dumb enough to think that they can rent a spot on a public street is not someone I want to deal with."

Reasonable enough. Because the rub is this: you can't own or rent a "small stretch of curb," right? Right. So, after making the decision to park in the totally not private space, here's what went down the morning after.

This morning I made sure to bring a pen, just in case I needed to respond to a note.
But no.

When I turn the corner, my scooter is parked on the sidewalk. And there are two people getting into a car that is parked where my scooter was when I left it last night.

"Hey did you move my scooter?"

The guy said that he didn't. The woman in the car said that she did. That set me off, geeze, I have not been so mad in a very long time. She fucking lifted it by the locked front tire, and rolled it onto the sidewalk, then parked her car in "her" spot.

When running into her, Bunny Land (rightfully) yelled at her. "If you're paying for this spot, you're an idiot and getting ripped off," he says. Which? Is true. The lady then retorts, "If you park there again, I'll have you towed," Which? Is inane.

Bunny Land says that "1164 Alabama is inhabited by a moron." While we won't go so far as to slam her as a tool, the lady at 1164 Alabama is either a) lying that she pays for that spot, or b) has an evil landlord who is stealing money from her in exchange for a bogus parking spot.

Anyone else have to deal with this Alabama Street terror? Or had a landlord promise you a private space on the street?

(Via Mission Mission, via Eve Batey)

Fell Street Free Fall

Trey Blog came across the scene of a failed suicide attempt, which happened a few weeks ago. The images are sad yet fascinating. Someone, it seems, jumped from the top of a Fell Street apartment building in a suicide attempt and smashed into a car windshield. A small note was left behind detailing the events. We hope the victim is alive and well.

In the meantime, do enjoy these harrowing scenes of the scene in question.

Film du Jour: "Prop 8 - The Musical"

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Prop 8 bit starring Jack Black, John C. Reilly, Margaret Cho, Allison Janney, Maya Rudolph, and more. Oh, and it's good. Real good.

It Snowed in San Francisco!

It looks like it snowed right here in San Francisco yesterday and last night. Can you believe it? According to reports the snow was white, fluffy, and cold to the touch.

Also, the National Weather Service has issued a snow advisory for any and all Bay Area elevations above 2,000 feet. Bits of snow have hit the ground all the way from Sonoma to the Santa Cruz Mountains.

Was Your Car Damaged on Capp Street?

If so, an SFist source, who saw what happened and asked to remain anonymous, writes in to tell us:

Walking last night around 10:30 near Capp & 22nd I saw some guys kicking the shit out some cars, breaking the side view mirrors off and denting them and basically just attacking them. I followed them from a safe distance while they continued down Capp past 23rd kicking the shit out of every car along the block, sometimes pausing to really lay into them. I was on the phone to 911 the whole time so the cops caught them. They came pretty fast. This was probably unrelated to Greece. The culprits were two very hammered dudes who probably just stumbled out of the El Trebol bar on the corner, though I didn't seem them leave that bar.
They broke the side view mirrors off of 5 cars just on the blocks between 22nd and 24th. They dented and scratched about a dozen others. Some pretty badly.

Of course I got screamed at by anti-cop people because I called the cops. [Note: Your typical, privileged USC/Stanford/East Coast college grad cum failed novelist turned bad tech writer cum pseudo-liberal turned Mission resident will do this. Please use caution when you smell their self-righteous tofu farts nearby. -- SFist] I know a lot of my neighbors in the Mission want to give these guys their rights to do whatever they want. I know many who think we need to ban the cops. I know many others think it's the car owner's fault for having a car in the first place. But it just sucks to think about all the people who have to wake up today and pay big money to fix their old cars now so they can make it to work or home for the Holidays.

While we might turn our heads the other way at the occasional keying of an evil ex's car -- what?! -- we cannot condone this kind of behavior. Anybody else catch what went down last night in the Mission?

Photo du Jour 296

"Clouds Reflecting" by eviloars, found in SFist's Flickr pool.

SFist Thanks: The Commenter

Yeah. This is a day late. Digesting solid food was a fresh and exciting experience for us, so most of our Thanksgiving was busy doing that. Anyway.

This year we weren't sure for what to be most thankful. The choices were aplenty: mentally-challenged PR people? The chronic stupidity of certain Chronicle editors who angrily "demand" SFist reveal their sources? Civic leaders turning into Norma Desmond before our eyes. Baskets of fried pickles? Clemency reports?

All of those moments were golden.

But what we've been most appreciative of this year? SFist commenters.

No, really.

Your comments have done an awe-inspiring job of showing just how readers add to a story's richness. Many of you have typed out more intelligent, more thoughtful, more fiery, and more humorous supplements than the actual posts.

You guys -- oh my God, no wait, seriously -- rock the site. Most of you don't use the threads to pimp your sites. You (try to) keep name-calling, death threats, and racial slurs to a minimum. You represent different views on the political and social spectrum. You don't bullshit readers with incestuous oh-my-what-an-informative-post comments like other sites. In fact, most of you fucking loathe us. (Speaking of which, to the scant handful of you we had to ban this year: that was just icing on the schadenfreude cake.)

Thanks a whole bunch. And on that note: flame away.

Official Hug a Jew Day is Coming

In honor of Jewish Christmas -- which is today, right? or ended yesterday? or maybe in a couple of weeks? who's to say?! -- we feel pressed to remind you that February 2, 2009, is Official Hug a Jew Day.

This could be the single most awesome holiday ever invented. And the rules are so simple:

Every Jew that you see you must address with a hug
This is an event for everybody around the world, Jews and non-Jews to hug Jews
Some religious Jewish people, it seems, can not touch the other sex, so be careful: If you have the slightest doubt, you may want to ask them before you hug them
Jew, in this event, "includes any sect or part of Jewishness" (i.e., half, quarter, traditional, conservative, reform, orthodox, chareide, chabad, executive producer, agent, general practitioner -- ALL JEWS INCLUDED)

So start chipping away at your goy iciness, and get ready to wrap you arms around the warmest, fuzziest, cuddliest Jew you know. Hell, even George W. Bush is getting in on the action.

Muni Fast Pass 2008

Image by jamesim122

Your year in Fast Pass.

Fun with Photoshop: Gavin's Hair Welcomes You to San Francisco

Ha!

Jameth found this and sent it our way. And sure, it's fake. But it's stuff like this that would have us flat on our back for Gav -- well, more than any we already are, that is -- if Newsom's handlers and PR team had a touch better sense of humor. Same goes for most of the politicians cum celebrities on the Board of Supervisors as well.

Lesbian Brutally Gang Raped in Richmond

After being taunted for being a lesbian, a woman in the city of Richmond was "repeatedly raped and left naked outside an abandoned apartment building" by four strangers on December 13.

Detectives say the 28-year-old victim was attacked Dec. 13 after she got out of her car, which bore a rainbow gay pride sticker. The men, who ranged from their late teens to their 30s, made comments indicating they knew her sexual orientation, said Richmond police Lt. Mark Gagan.

The rape started when one of the attackers hit her "with a blunt object, ordered her to disrobe and sexually assaulted her with the help of the other men." Unless the men in question aren't brutally and slowly murdered beforehand by citizens, a $10,000 reward is being offered for their capture. One of the men, it seems, went by the nickname "Blue" and another was called "Pato," according to police.

The rape is (correctly) being considered a hate crime by police. According to Avy Skolnik, a coordinator with the New York-based National Coalition of Anti-Violence Program, "Anytime there is an anti-LGBT initiative, we tend to see spikes both in the numbers and the severity of attacks ... People feel this extra entitlement to act out their prejudice." Gay rights advocates say that hate crimes based on sexual orientation have increased nationwide over the last month.

Today in San Francisco History - Wyatt Earp Referees a Boxing Match

Timecapsule: December 2, 1896

Frontier lawman Wyatt Earp, legendary for his role in the archetypal Western gunfight, "Shoot-out at the O.K. Corral", is called upon this afternoon to officiate at a $10,000 heavyweight championship boxing match. As he strolls into San Francisco's Mechanics Pavilion to start work, police confiscate the ex-U.S. Marshall's six-shooter.

"Sailor" Tom Sharkey is the underdog against Australian heavyweight Bob Fitzsimmons, "the Freckled Wonder". Sure enough, Fitzsimmons knocks Sharkey cold in the eighth -- but referee Wyatt Earp calls a foul and awards the decision to Sharkey, lying unconscious on the canvas! Needless to say, outrage burns in the hearts of 15,000 men present (and the whole city) that the fight had been fixed!

The case went before a judge, and though Wyatt was -- if not specifically exonerated, at least not found guilty of fraud -- he was convicted in the court of public opinion.

But what on earth was Wyatt Earp doing in San Francisco standing in a boxing ring in the first place?

Well, it's all because of Josephine Marcus, a nice Jewish girl from San Francisco who'd run off with a traveling Gilbert & Sullivan theater troupe at the age of 18. Passing through Tombstone, Arizona, she'd met the tall, good-lookin' deputy U.S. Marshall there, and fell in love.

After the much-mythologized OK Corral gunfight (you remember, the Earps, Doc Holliday, the Clanton brothers) Wyatt Earp and Josie left Tombstone and wandered all around the West, settling down wherever a boomtown cropped up -- investing in mines, racing horses, running saloons and gambling parlors -- and south of the border, Wyatt had begun trading on his rough and ready lawman image by officiating at Mexican boxing matches. Sometime in the late 1890s, the Earps wound up living with Josie's parents back in San Francisco -- and there you have it.

We may never know exactly how Wyatt got mixed in the Sharkey-Fitzsimmons boxing boondoggle, or what his involvement truly was -- but in the aftermath of the scandal, the Earps left San Francisco, eventually settling down in Los Angeles. Wyatt wouldn't return to the Bay Area until his death in 1929, when his ashes were buried in Colma, in his wife Josie's family plot.

Leonard and the Wolf

We interviewed Leonard Nimoy the other day: he will narrate Peter and the Wolf this weekend, a holiday tradition! And the pointy-eared one had a, well, lapse of his dignified Vulcan composure. But in a good way. (Really, this man can do no harm.) Hear him sing Prokofiev and quack like a duck. Nimoy is a wildly charming man.

spock and the wolf - leonard nimoy

He will be part of a family show with the SF Symphony Youth Orchestra led by Benjamin Shwartz. It's Benjamin last time conducting this holiday favorite, we're sad to see him leave the SF Symphony at the end of the season.

(To read the rest of Nimoy's interview, follow the jump.)We asked Leonard if, after doing Peter and the Wolf, he was not worried about being typecast as a Russian peasant, and he shrugged: It happens that I'm descended from Russians, my parents were Russian immigrants, so that might be appropriate. I'd go for that! Actually, Leonard has been doing this role for a while: Peter and the Wolf, it's a very popular piece. I've done it several times before. In my business, you cannot be 77yo and haven't done Peter and the Wolf, it's impossible, you can't do that.

And Leonard, what's your San Francisco connection: I directed a movie, which was called Star Trek IV: the voyage home, most of it was shot in SF. Does that count? You bet! We had a great time, we shot all over the place, we shot on the Golden Gate bridge. We haven't seen it, but it's ok, you don't have to apologize, there are a lot of people who have not seen a Star Trek movie, you are not alone. Plus, he assures us it's a fun movie.

He officially has retired from movies, but guess what? What could possibly bring me out of retirement other than a Star Trek movie. That's the only thing I would come out for. They wrote a wonderful script, it's going to be a great movie. Coming out in May to a theater near you. I owe a lot to Star Trek obviously, it was a great influence in my life, it gave me the opportunity to work all around the world on some projects, and gave me the opportunity to become a director. And they told me there was a Star Trek movie that needed me to come and play Spock, I'm happy to go.

Forty-three years of Star Trek, and still going strong. And his singing is as good as ever!

Peter and the Wolf
Narrated by Leonard Nimoy, with the SF Symphony Youth Orchestra conducted by Benjamin Shwartz,
Saturday, Dec 13, 2008 2:00pm at the Flint Center (Cupertino)
Sunday, Dec 14, 2008 1:00pm and 4:00pm at Davies Symphony Hall

Today's Rainbow

Thanks, Jen Maiser, for capturing this gorgeous shot from today's manic weather.

Craigslist Founder Reverts to Old Media to Find Lost Pair of Glasses

Found over at Page and Divisadero, Craigslist founder Craig Newmark uses antiquated means of finding a lost pair of eyeglasses. (The phone number handwritten on the ad matches the business card posted at the bottom, which was confirmed as Newmark's.)

Oh, the irony!

Anyway, they're brown Okio glasses with turquoise undertones and a heavy prescription. Have you seen these specs? Shoot us an email, or check out the CL ad, and we'll connect you accordingly.