Hey -- we're not doing our usual light-hearted romp through the Swells society column this weekend, because we've got sad news. The doyenne of Swells, Catherine Bigelow, announced in this week's column that she's been asked to take the Chron's "voluntary buyout package," so this is it for your mathematically-inclined socialite review.

Best of luck to you, C.Big, and we know you'll end up on your feet, tripping the light fantastic, and we hope you'll tell us all about it when you get there! We'll miss you very much.

So here's your melancholy last Swells By The Numbers. We've had fun compiling these too.

Number of people pictured in today's Swells by the Numbers: 99.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (A friend of ours won an award for her work againsty domestic violence! Also, Kamala Harris, and our very last Dede Wilsey. Regretful sigh.)

Minority count: 11 (11.1%).

Getty v. Traina: 0-1.

Number of years C.Big was with the Chron: 12.

Your numbers for Swells by the Numbers's entire run, after the jump.

Our last picture of Dede Wilsey ever, by Thomas J. Gibbons for the Chron.

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67.

Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 4 (including Molly Sims and her BFF Jennifer Siebel.)

Minority count: 4 (5.8%).

Getty v. Traina: 1-0 (counting Gavin's sister as a Getty)

Number of countries visited by Denise Hale to celebrate her April birthday: 3 (India, Serbia, Italy).

The age of children being compared to "a natural phenomenon where a river comes in and turns back upon itself": 16 and 17.

Number of Gavin sightings: 0.

Number of Stanlee Gatti sightings: 0.

Number of Charlotte Maillard Shultz sightings: 0.

Picture of Denise Hale at the Taj Mahal from the Chron via Denise Hale.

Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 101.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 5 (including Rita Moreno, Justice Harry Low, and Wonder Woman).

Minority count: 18 (about 18%) -- there's a benefit for the Chinese-American Int'l School this week.

Hats, scarves and wraps, tiaras: 6 (including a big Beach Blanket Babylon one), 6, 0.

Getty v. Traina: 5-0.

Number of Gettys pictured that are actually Gavin Newsom: 4.

Number of Gavin Newsoms pictured with the exact same expression: 4. Seriously, it's kind of creeping us out.

Number of times Stanlee Gatti says he's seen Beach Blanket Babylon: 9,012.

Number of big checks pictured: 1. We love a big check.

Ranking of this line by Gavin in our "Swells Line of the week" contest: 1: "Please stay in San Francisco and don't move to Marin!" to the parents at the St. Luke's private preschool Teachers' Appreciation Dinner.

Top picture of Gavin by Luis Delgado, all others by Eleanor Bigelow (E-Big? Related to C-Big?)

Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 55.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 2 -- Charlotte Maillard Shultz and a way-too-skinny-looking Vanessa Getty.

Minority count: 6 (10.9%).

Getty v. Traina: 1-7. Big ups to C.Big for the comparison of the Steel-Traina family to the von Trapps! So long, farewell, auf wiedersein, good night.

Number of hot dog hats pictured: 1, and it rocks.

Days until the Barneys SF opens: 107 (Sept. 18).

Days until the Nan Kempner fashion show exhibit opens at the DeYoung: 13 (June 16). Quote of the day, from Ms. Kempner: "I tell people all the time I want to be buried naked. I know there will be a store where I'm going."

Number of years Chronicle Books has been around: 40. They used to sit next door to Phil Bronstein, who had a sign on his door that said, "Phil Bronstein -- Investigative Reporter." Ha!

Number of "savvy and fashionable blond swans" at the Bill Blass fall collection showing hosted by the SF Ballet Auxiliary and Saks: 2 -- the aforementioned Charlotte Maillard Shultz and Vanessa Getty, who were reported to have sat together and said, "That would look great on you!" to each other.

For some reason, the Chron hasn't uploaded the Swells pictures for this week yet, so you're getting a picture of "out-there knitwear" by Yu-Shu "Mue" Kim from the AAU fashion show from SFiS by John Lee instead. It's too bad, because the picture of the woman wearing a hot dog hat really is awesome. If the pictures get uploaded later today, we'll update the post.