Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 67.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 9 (including 3 pictures of Gavin Newsom and 2 pictures of Dede Wilsey).

Minority count: 5 (7.5%).

Getty v. Traina: 10-8 (There's a spread about the LA branch of the Gettys in this month's Harper's Bazaar).

Number of choice quotes concerning Gavin Newsom: 2. One by Dede Wilsey (re the Healthy Saturdays negotiations): "I learned that Gavin is a man of honor. But boy! I hate those bicyclists!" And the other, by the Mayor of Cork, Ireland: [Gavin Newsom] is a cross between the best of Bill Clinton and JFK." We suppose it all depends on how you define "best," right?

Number of conflicting engagements over the July 4 weekend: 2. So John Traina has cancelled his "famed Fourth of July hoedown" at his estate in Oakville, so that he and other society elites can go to the Isle of Capri for Tommy and Patti Skouras's 40th wedding anniversary.

Number of confirmed candidates running for the District 3 State Senate seat: 1 -- Joe Alioto Veronese confirms the rumors. Bonus number: 1 name check for SFist!

Picture by Catherine Bigelow from the Chron. We love how it looks like the mayor of Cork is opening Gavin.

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 47. (We almost counted the mannequin at your right!)

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 3.

Minority count: 2 (4.2%).

Hats, capes, tiaras: 5, 0, 0.

Getty v. Traina: 1-2 (Gavin for Team G and Dede for Team T).

Amount of money it'll cost you to attend the SF International Poetry Festival this summer: 0! Poet Laureate Jack Hirschman, a Marxist, says poetry is for everyone.

Number of inches of newsprint separating the picture of Denise Hale from the pictures of her estranged stepdaughter Linda Hale Bucklin, whose tell-all book she called "crap" last week.: 11.5. You kind of expect Denise Hale to extend a hand straight up from the bottom of the page to attack Ms. Hale Bucklin.

Number of Chronicle local politics writers who are Linda Hale Bucklin's godsons: 1 (Charlie Goodyear -- the one Chris Daly called a hack!)

Number of copies of Linda Hale Bucklin's book snapped up by one guest at the book release party: 50. Either that person really hates Denise Hale, or really loves Denise Hale and is trying to get all the books off the shelves.

Number of Nob Hill Gazette-designated most-eligible singles seen: 14. (including a "European widower," a "tennis-playing dentist," a "nutrition MD," and a man who "likes women and the outdoors -- preferably together." Rrowr!)

Number of times Nancy Pelosi was seen wearing her Hermes scarf in the Middle East: 3.

Number of flower-print men's suits pictured: 1.

Picture of the Nob Hill Gazette publisher by Ray "Scotty" Morris for the Chron.

Which flack-loving, actress-addicted wonk might be getting hitched as early as June? Too bad he forgot to tell the printer of the invitations to keep it a secret from certain highly reputable sources, aka anybody with internet access. Oops! Maybe he forgot to wear his new "glasses"?

...Which floppy-haired legal eagle, who recently reunited with his flashbulb sweetie, was overheard sharing super-awkward, drunken banter with several fashionistas inside the co-ed bathroom at the Colleen Quen launch party last Thursday? He should have run away when he had the chance.

The Sunday Styles section of the Chronicle does it again! Not content to rest on its laurels after watching poor Jennifer Bumblebee Siebel decimate herself, Styles next turns its gimlet eye on two other prominent members of the Swells set: Denise Hale and the inimitable bicycle-intimidator Dede Wilsey. Sunday Styles RULES.

Turns out Pat Montandon, mother of Sean Wilsey and ex-wife of Dede's late husband Al Wilsey, has decided to pen a book of her own, not-derivatively-at-all titled "Oh The Hell Of It All," which dishes even more dirt on Dede Wilsey. Is such a thing even possible?? And not to be left out, the stepdaughter of Swells lady Denise Hale (the Jessica Simpson of the Swells set, to Ann Getty and Dede Wilsey's Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, respectively, which makes Susie Tompkins Buell, um.... Mandy Moore, we guess.) Linda Hale Bucklin, has released a tell-all book as well. Fun!!!!!

So many good quotes in this article, we gotta summarize it awards style, after the jump. Categories include: best quote, best life-changing moment, best mixed-doubles tennis partner over 60 -- and much much more!

Picture of Pat Montandon with Lyman Casey and then-husband Al Wilsey at her Gone With The Wind party from the Chron, courtesy of Ms. Montandon.

(A little late, because we're fixing our servers around here today.)

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 70.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including Charlotte Maillard Shultz, Stephan Jenkins, and a certain precious Bumblebee!)

Minority count: 7 (10%).

Getty v. Traina: 1-3, with Gettys represented by Swells stalwart Gavin Newsom.

Bumblebee sightings: 2! Ms. Jennifer Siebel attended a benefit party/auction for Tipping Point, and will also be performing in a reading of the new play "Kings Play Chess on Fine Green Satin" tomorrow for the Commonwealth Club, about the travails of having everything you've ever wanted. We look forward to watching her apply her beautiful magical bubble experience to her interpretation of this work.

Number of times a Honda Prius was regifted at the Tipping Point community auction: 3.

Number of hours you have left to see Stanlee Gatti's "One: An Earth Installation" exhibition at the Conservatory of Flowers: 1.5 (it closes at 4:30 today).

Lowest cost of a script from the Bohemian Grove secret collection, recently unearthed by the staff at Green Apple Books: $10.

Number of consular visits expected next week: 1, for the mayor of Cork, Ireland. Guess what musical comedy Gavin's taking him to?

Picture by Caroline Kopp for the Chron

Well, look who's back for round three with the media! That's right, girls' girl and bumblebee Jennifer Siebel is tentatively tiptoeing back into the publicity news rounds, with a soft-focus lens interview in her daily newspaper, the Marin Independent Journal.

In this interview, Jennifer Siebel rambles on and on about how she only went to business school to please her parents ("a pattern for much of my life"), cries a lot, says she only gets "six hours of sleep a night," and, jarringly, appears to confess to having had at least some involvement in a golf cart accident at the age of 6 that killed her older sister (who was 8). Yikes! (but she says this is why she's a "nurturer" and "protector" now.)

We're not touching the golf cart revelation, but we're running a quick survey. Which of the following lines from Bumblebee Siebel's Marin IJ interview is your favorite? (Beth Spotswood, for what it's worth, votes for "I ski hard.")

Note: We totally missed the "I grew up in a very beautiful, magical bubble" line (we are kicking ourselves) until it was pointed out to us by a reader, so alas, it's not included in the poll.

Total number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 74.

Total number of people pictured whom we recognize: 7 (after some deliberation, we decided not to include Steve Kawa because we didn't recognize him with his new haircut at all.)

Minority count: 7 (9.5%).

Number of pictures included in the minority count that are of Willie Brown: 4.

Hats, capes, tiaras: 9, 0, 0. (SF Giants opening day skewed your hat stats a bit.)

Getty v. Traina: 1-0, and the 1 is Gavin at a birthday party for Willie Brown. Did neither Gordon, Vanessa, Billy, Trevor, Alexis, nor Dede make it out to Opening Day?

Swells By The Number shoutouts!: One! In CBig's "Opening Day By The Numbers." How thrilling to see our own name in boldface print!

Our favorite Opening Day By The Numbers number: .5, describing the size of the itsy-bitsy pregame burger C.Big consumed.

Our second favorite Opening Day By The Numbers number: 1.5, describing the number of margaritas C.Big consumed.

Pisces v. Aries: 2-2 (Willie Brown and former Chron society editor Grace Prien on the fish side, and Willie Brown squeeze Sonya Molodetskaya and Giants owner Larry Baer on the ram.)

Number of Jaguars purchased: 1, by W. Brown for S. Molodetskaya's birthday present. We hope it had one of those big bows on the roof; we love those.

Picture by Drew Altizer for the Chron.

We were very busy running errands dowtown this morning when we spotted a silver fox coming our way. "Damn, who that?" we said to ourselves, "Thank gawd we're wearing our cute new purple dress, and that our haircut is lookin' all sorts of fierce."

It was none other than our reporter idol, Dan Noyes! Dan immediately noticed that we were carrying our BlackBerry, and we joked about our mutual CrackBerry addiction. Unfortunately, we could not shake his hand, as we were also juggling a large cup of coffee, bottle of Naked Juice, and some change. (Yeah, we don't know why we didn't bring a purse, either.)

District 6 seems to be where it's at for BlackBerry users: we ran into our homeboy, Alex Tourk, around Union Square last Friday, talking on his BB. Alex was in good spirits, and sounded excited about his new job. He also thanked us for all the SFist love. We told him that Steve Jones at the Bay Guardian wants him to run for mayor. Alex's response: "Who would want that job?"

Image replaced to avoid hotlinking. Photo of Tina Turner's cat courtesy of the Institute for Private Dancing Studies.

We're back from vacation!

Number of heartfelt thank yous from us!: One! Thanks, SFist Mary, for covering for us last week! We're bummed we missed the Vanessa Prada turban, though.

Number of people pictured in this week's Swells society column: 57.

Number of people pictured whom we recognize: 8 (including one awesome picture by C.Big of George Shultz with Naomi Campbell. It's probably too much to hope for that Naomi Campbell swatted the tiger tattoo rumored to reside on Mr. Shultz's butt.

Minority count: 7.02%.

Getty v. Traina: 3-2. Gettys (with Newsom in tow) host a party for Bob Woodruff; Trainas party with models.

Hats, capes, tiaras: 1, 1, 0. We're counting the cotton-ball-looking thingie that Carole Shorenstein Hays is wearing as a cape, though it might be a wrap or just a shirt-sleeve decoration. Upon reflection, the crinkled-fabric thing that Norah Stone is wearing is probably a jacket.

Backhanded compliment count: 2. One to C.Big by Evelyn Lauder (Estee Lauder VP) about sun damage (C.Big, your skin always looks great!), and one by Ruby Rippey-Tourk at that Naomi Campbell fashion show, about herself ("I'm Ruby, of the sex scandal Ruby.")

Number of Susie Tompkins Buell grandchildren: As of March 16, 3. Please henceforth call Ms. Tompkins Buell "Goozie."

Charlotte Maillard Shultz photo purchase count: 7 (24% of all photos purchased).

Picture by Ray "Scotty" Morris from the Chron.