Today we're reviving this feature, after a year's hiatus, in which we ask those of you ensconced too cozily in your SF bubbles to take a step back, summon your inner C.W. Nevius, and try to understand why some folks just don't appreciate the way we do things here — if for nothing else than to enjoy an ironic chuckle at our own expense. If all of this seems too difficult, please refer to our other recurring feature, 7 Reasons to Love San Francisco, and be on your merry way.

Today's topic: A man moves to San Francisco, then moves to L.A., and pens this piece on Cracked about how S.F. is the "worst awesome city in America."

Let's back up a second. We began this feature in order to discuss the features of our populace and our city's best practices that tend to shock and appall the recent transplants and tourists, but which are second nature to those of us who have resided here a few years. Some people call it the "S.F. bubble," and when one of us travels outside of it and discovers that they don't have compost bins at other airports and that, in fact, brand-name detergents and deodorants are quite popular in other places, we find ourselves nonplussed. It stands to reason that a guy who only lived here for three months before relocating to L.A. would have an entirely outsider's perspective on it all, but a more informed one than someone who merely passes through on a weekend. So let's give a listen, shall we?

The guy's name is Adam Tod Brown, and he already wrote a travelogue about his cross-country drive this past spring, moving to S.F. from upstate New York. He has a kind of Nevius-esque style, if Nevius were younger and wrote listicles for Cracked. The first of his "Five Reasons San Francisco is the Worst Awesome City in America" is about that poop-in-the-escalators problem which, by the way, we would wager is just BART's latest means of deflecting the issue of their broken escalators, which still aren't fixed lo these many months later despite multiple promises that they would be "in two weeks." (Editor's Note: The escalator at the south side of 7th and Market, at Civic Center Station, for example, has now been broken for over nine months, and you can't blame shit for this one since people have been pissing and shitting on that thing since the '70s. It's now looking like it's ready to reopen, but has not.)

He then takes on the Kenneth Harding drama, pointing to how San Franciscans distrust authority so much that people still won't take the SFPD's evidence for Kenneth Harding shooting himself as fact and went ahead and shut down Muni on the anniversary of his death. And then he discusses the general anarchy he observed while here, wherein there were no police anywhere in sight while everyone's favorite cracked out homeless lady tried to attack and kill that streetcar, and was eventually punched by another woman.

But he saves his real shock for two local favorite delicacies: public nudity (we addressed that one in Volume 2 of this column), and kooky street food.

To wit:

Do you know how many times, prior to living in San Francisco, I had seen a man walking around completely naked in public? Zero. Do you know how many times I saw that happen when I lived in San Francisco? At least four, that I can remember. I lived there for three months. That's more than one public dong per month, on average. I don't know what the national statistics are like, but that's gotta be way above the usual per capita for that kind of thing.

...

If I didn't live in San Francisco for three months, I'm not sure I ever would have had the courage or ability to eat a doughnut burger. They don't just sell those things everywhere. But they sell everything in San Francisco. If you see Anthony Bourdain eating pork ankle tacos at a filthy food cart in Bolivia, there's a pretty good chance that disgusting food cart is actually a franchise with several locations in the Mission District of San Francisco.

Adam Tod Brown will be on AM radio tonight, Newstalk 910 at 6:35 p.m., discussing his feelings about S.F. Feel free to call in and heckle him.

[Cracked]

PREVIOUSLY: This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 1
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 2
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 3
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 4
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 5
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 6
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 7
This is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 8
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 9
This Is Why People Hate San Francisco: Volume 10