Maybe we can't technically count this one towards 2012's wave of knife crime in the city, but this baffling tale of self mutilation in Fremont deserves a sharp headline. According to police in that sleepy suburb at the end of the BART line, a 20-year-old man apparently cut his own dick off with an X-Acto knife around 2 a.m. this morning.

The man's brother called police to their house on Mowry Avenue, where "officers recovered the organ" (snicker) and brought him to a nearby hospital in hopes of reattaching the severed member. The victim/attacker was reportedly not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol at the time. Since we're not really sure how else one ends up with a craft knife so close to their tender bits, we are left to assume he was simply listening to way too much King Missile:

Anyway, the cops are going to give the guy a psych evaluation, because: seriously, what was he thinking?

[Chron]