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Indianapolis Colts running back Joseph Addai, top, is tackled by San Francisco 49ers cornerback Nate Clements in the second quarter of an NFL football game in Indianapolis, Sunday, Nov. 1, 2009. (AP Photo/Michael Conroy)
Here's the thing: I might have a slight emotional problem when it comes to watching football. One need only read my angry tweets on Sundays to realize this. Example: "Person who should die: Peyton Manning." (Really, Daisy? Really?) "Person I find whiny and annoying," maybe. "Person who failed to throw a TD pass for the first time since November of 2008," great. But wishing death upon a QB who the Niners sacked three times after he hadn't been sacked at all in his previous three games? Wishing death upon a QB who struggled to convert third downs and needed his RB to throw the game's only touchdown? Maybe a slight concussion or a torn ligament, but death? Seems like a slight overreaction.
It's hard though not to get upset and frustrated when your team has lost each of its last three road games by 4 points or less and when you're one game behind the crappy Cardinals in your laughing stock division, otherwise known as the NFC West. It's hard not to gulp down beer after beer after beer in an effort to numb the pain. It's hard not to let yet another loss ruin your entire day, if not week. I did discover a secret parents all over the world probably already know though... If you want to distract yourself when your team is about to lose its third straight game, all you need is to borrow someone's small child.
Now, I'm not saying the child should replace the beer guzzling, or that you should offer to babysit or anything insane like that. What I am saying is that if you have a friend with a two-year-old boy who enjoys having things thrown at his head, you should try to watch the game with him. And yes, I'm sure this prescription comes as a shock to many of you because, let's be honest, I'm notorious for being completely ambivalent to all people under the age of 21 (and "ambivalent" is putting it nicely), but if you're going to put a two-year-old in the same room as me and then tell me I can throw Nerf footballs at his head all day long? Well, I am totally OK with that.
In other news, I am pretty sure I know one two-year-old who, after yesterday, will think twice about shouting "Go Blue!" ever again.
Distracting two-year-olds aside... was the game all bad? No. Our defense did an amazing job against the high powered Colts' offense. (Before yesterday's game, the Colts averaged 30 points per game; Niners held them to 18.) The Niners put pressure on Manning and held Addai (the RB who threw the TD pass) to 62 yards on 20 carries. And our offense showed some great moments as well: a 6 -yard touchdown run by Frank Gore in the first quarter and Vernon Davis' fourth touchdown pass from Alex Smith in the last two games.
Even better: Both Smith and Crabtree look, if not impressive, then definitely solid, and I'm excited to see what the future has in store with those two on the field. That being said, Crabtree tipped a pass from Smith facilitating a Colts' interception and fumbled in the third quarter, and even though Smith looks good, he still failed to convert third downs and has clock management issues. And though Gore had a good day on paper, if you take away his TD run, he only averaged 2.3 yards per carry.
All of that being said, I suppose Niners' fans should take solace in the fact that we *almost* beat the undefeated Indianapolis Colts. I suppose we should be happy that Alex Smith looks confident on the field and that we have a rookie wide receiver with good hands. But here's the thing: there are no moral victories in football. You either win the game or you lose. And we lost.
The Niners have dropped three straight games. We must win our next two games (Tennessee at home this Sunday and Chicago at home, four short days later, on a Thursday). We need to finish games and we need to produce points on both offense and defense.
Can we win? I think so. We have some obstacles to overcome (LT Joe Staley - our best, in my opinion, offensive lineman - went out early on Sunday and will likely not play on Sunday; Nate Clements is also out for around six weeks), but I expect to leave Candlestick next Sunday drunk and happy.
One last thought... Ever wondered what would happen if you only used football terminology in the bedroom? Thinking about trying that out this week...
"Nice penetration up the middle!"
"He's going deep..."
"Quick release..." (kidding, kidding... that *never* happens to boys)
And, of course, the most obvious: "He... could... go.... all.... the.... way!"
Only thing I'm worried about is if my boyfriend starts calling me on "Illegal block in the back." (Yup, that's right. It's an anal sex joke to kick off your Monday!)
Anyway, I'll let you know how it goes...
Prediction: NINERS over Tennessee.
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Do let use know how the football sex talk goes.. Lmao..
no references about going over the middle to the tight end?