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Photo by Cedric Westphal / SFist
Found over at 23rd and Guerrero in the Mission district, SFist Cedric found the above love letter stuck on his windshield. He explains, "I found a spot that was literally three inches longer than my car. And this is the congratulation I get for managing to fit in."
Makes you tingle a bit, doesn't it?
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What I wouldn't give for a whole pad of those.
There's a website called youparklikeanasshole.com but they don't have anything as classy as this.
It is not so much the message, but the font that really makes it classy.
My, such language.
It's true. Having a car causes mental illness.
everyone wants to feel their little bit of power.
My neighborhood has an unwritten code about such things. The street spaces are small. We allow slight overhang into our driveways, as long as we can easily get out. Some assholes nearby, though, put cones up on *public* street spaces in front of their houses, I think for their illegal in-law units. They suck.
Where I grew up, we used to do that with our garbage cans. Ah, the innocent 70's!
To clarify, the cones suck. The in-laws are fine. In fact, we have a family of 26 stuffed somewhere in our garage. Probably should check on them on one these days.
Use the in-laws to block off the parking space.
Cones suck. Those vendors at the Cliff House illegally "reserve" spaces with a single cone.
good thing they're made of the kind of plastic that doesn't scratch your car when you run over them.
Also to note, their weight and convenient finger-grab make them portable or fling-able, per your discretion.
Or have they invented one that is bolted to the ground and I just haven't noticed?
God I hope my life is never so sad it seems like an appropriate use of resources to go back into my overpriced apartment, type up and print this message, wasting energy, paper and ink, not to mention time I'd hope you could fill with something better to do in your neighborhood.
I'd look out if I were you, Cedric. You could end up the next novelty art project at Paxton Gate. Your new friend seems to spare no expense when it comes to aesthetic.
god i hope my life is never so sad i spend my time and resources posting useless comments on the internet...wait...d'oh!
What I would give for a huge blizzard in San Francisco.
Back in Cambridge, you would dig your car out from the snow, and clear out the space for your return, but then fill it with lawn chairs, trash cans, whatever, to indicate that you had shoveled out many square yards of snow from that spot, and it's YOURS.
Upon returning, if someone parked in your spot, acceptable protocol as you dug out another spot in which to park your car, was to dump that snow on the offenders car.
Ahh, Cambridge. I miss Somerville, where you'd arrive literally ONE MINUTE late to move your car and already be ticketed. In the 2 years I lived there my parking fees probably single-handedly paid the salary of my metermaid...
Ah, but no round of Snow Dibs Revenge is complete without hauling out the hose and spraying down the snow to put a hard shell of ice over the offending auto.
That's awesome
P.S. I hope Ced submitted this to passiveaggressivenotes.com.
i used to be the KING of angry/funny windshield notes. Alas that was before the advent of the blog. nicely done.
Am I the only one who wants to see a wider view of this supposed parking job?
If I did a parking job like Cedric did, I'd be crowing about it for weeks.
Using available space is not parking-assholery.
So wait. Did Cedric park between two cars, and one of cars' owners left this note? Or was he into a driveway and homeowner wrote the note? In either case, someone has a ready-made stack of these notes at the ready. That's ass. Even I hand-write mine when needed. Each situation is different. There's: "you're blocking my whole driveway get the fuck out before I tow you" or "you're just a bit too far over please move back a bit next time".
between two cars, with about 1.5 inches of space between me and the van in front (well, at least its trailer hook), and 1.5 inches of free space with the truck behind. No driveway on that block.
Maybe it came from one of the nuns at the church there.
This is why I take Muni.
People complain about grumpy Muni drivers, but at least they're not threatening people's kids. D=
I lived at 17th/Guerrero for many years. We had a neighborhood parking enforcer who always left a childishly-scrawled note that read: "You stupid asshole. This is a space for two cars. Learn to park."
I got one (deservedly) when I took two spots intentionally. But my roommate got one when he left his car in a spot for a week and the cars around him shifted...
Maybe Cedric parked-in the guy in front or back of him. If so, that's pretty uncool.
My understanding is that there are two schools of thought. One says it's okay to touch bumpers with another car when parking, and the other schools says it's never okay. The former says "grow up, if you live in a city, that's how it's done". The latter says "scraping another's bumper is like keying their door, something you just don't do".
Then there's two kinds of people in the latter school: the assholes and the non-assholes. The assholes park based only on whether they can fit in their spot. The non-assholes additionally consider whether they are parking-in the people in front and/or behind them.
The people in school A don't worry about parking people in, but they aren't strictly-speaking assholes. For them, there's no such thing as parking someone in. They say "if you want out, just Brooklyn-bump your way out".
I'm in school B, so it enrages me when someone parks me in. If that was the case here, I absolutely understand why someone would leave that note. I don't leave notes. I just stew in my anger while I wait for the person in front or behind to move their car -- whether that's 15 minutes or two days. I guess that's my fault: if I had more balls I'd fight my way out.
Good breakdown, although I respectfully submit this simple rule instead: Touching another car with yours is never OK, whether you're coming or going.
I don't believe in parked in (granted, there are a couple rare exceptions). If you have an inch on either side you can do it. It just takes patience and lots of wheel cranking. Those who find this to be asking too much should not operate an automobile in an urban environment.
Just my opinion, although I think it's a good one. Cheers + love.
Technically, he was as parked-in as I was. I left the same amount of space in front and behind. The guy in front of me was the first on the block, could drive away straight. Did not move his van the whole week, though. The guy behind me, well, he probably had to maneuver his big pick up truck to get out. But it's the mission, parking is scarce, bumpers will kiss.
That is a good summary. I'm strictly in School A. It's a city, and cars get bumped. We never hit hard, though. A soft tap does absolutely nothing to another car. In fact, we get cheap cars knowing they'll be bumped. Not an important status symbol for us. We do have diamond-encrusted coke spoons though.
Two things.
1. That note is grammatically incorrect. You never begin with the salutation "Dear Motherfucker" unless you are also going to close with a proper valedictory. In this case, "Hey Motherfucker" would have been more appropriate.
2. We can safely assume that the note leaver is not the 'carsonist.'
I didn't know motherfucker would need to be capitalized but I guess in this case it qualifies as a proper noun?
Dear Sir:
I have taken a huge shit and stuffed it in your tailpipe.
Love,
Little Awfin Anus
you really can't give these notes to someone parked mid block unless you actually see them park. too many times a person'll park their car like this poor guy, barely fitting it into the space, but as soon as either of the cars around it move it can give the IMPRESSION that asshole parkery took place which isn't always the case.
now the douchebags that take the spot at the end of the block and don't pull all the way til the very point where parking begins... leaving like a two foot gap, well they need to be taken out and maimed.
and by the way bumpers are made to be bumped. that's why they call them bumpers. it's not their fault that car manufacturers started making bumpers in the same color and material as the car instead of rubber. stupid stupid move on their part. (except for the money they make replacing them)
poor guy
I do know the feeling of triumph when you manage to squeeze your Ford into a spot meant for a mini or a smartcar, but that's just a silly thing to do. If you really only had 1.5 inches on either side of your car when parked, you really should have just kept looking, rather than doing the bumper bash 'N park.
haha to the douche bags who drive in the city
This is pure unadulterated parking envy. We all know the parking rules and have all prayed to Roger, the god of parking. I'm sorry if the guy is upset. Tough luck.
Welcome to America, only in the good old US of A can you be guaranteed to be treated like a piece of excrement.
This is a fake. Definitely photoshopped, I'm surprised I'm not the first to call that out. The text doesn't match up with the texture of the paper...
not sayin' it isn't funny, but it'd be funnier if it actually happened.
Here are some options.
1. Unscrew their valve stem cap. Place a few small pebbles in the cap. Last screw the cap until you hear air coming out.
2. Run a key along side their car.
3. Take your elbow or a hard object and smash their side view mirror.
4. Blow a snot rocket on the door handle.
You have a good chance at getting in trouble/jail with these methods, so do it at your own risk.
Is this true? No wonder these people get in trouble with car owners. I mean, putting this kind of language on windshields is like the worst thing to do.