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Oh, what a day! What a day! What a day! Today is National Milk Chocolate Day. Milk chocolate, you see, is the way chocolate was meant to be eaten. Dark (or real) chocolate is disgusting and bitter and gross on the tongue. It is also pretentious and stupid. People who enjoy high-percentage cocoas are the most annoying people you will ever have the displeasure of meeting. They like to boast about their "sweet tooths" while waiting in impossibly long lines at Tartine (You can hear them say things like, "Oh, this all just looks so good!" or "I tell you, I can't decide!" or "Mmm, heavenly!" Vile.) And men who enjoy dark chocolate are as good as castrated. New foodies generally flock to dark chocolate the same way they do to bacon, pirates, and condescending prattle about how vegetables should always be crisp and barely cooked.
The only cure for dark chocolate is, you guessed it, delicious milk.
To celebrate National Milk Chocolate Day, SF Weekly's Tamara Palmer has some choice suggestions -- e.g., Milk Chocolate Bordeaux at See's Candies, Peanut butter milk chocolate ganache cupcake at Kara's Cupcakes, or Milk Chocolate Hot Fudge Sundae at Ghirardelli Square. You can read her suggestions here.
Us? We recommend heading to your nearest liquor store to purchase a Caramello (or four) to celebrate this most holy day. Enjoy.
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Brock: If I didn't already know that it's your job to be provocative, I'd be very upset with you right now.
If loving dark chocolate, bacon and pirates is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Ha! Great post.
Is that why the lines at Tartine are so maddeningly long? The food's already made people. This isn't GUM circa 1985.
Waiting in Soviet style lines for overpriced food is progressive.
it's easily supported that those that consume typical milk chocolate are fat-ass, mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers that support well known slave and child labor practices in order to produce it.
It's tasty, cheap and readily available...who could blame them?
I can imagine Brock's favorite meal being boiled chicken breast with a side of plain oatmeal washed down with a glass of 1% milk and a plain hersheys milk chocolate bar for dessert.
i prefer a glass of skim milk, actually.
I stand corrected. Skim it is.
Now I have to run downstairs and get my chocolate fix for the afternoon: knuckle dragging reese's peanut butter cups.
White bread, with a glass of water for dippin'.