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"Former San Francisco Supervisor Ed Jew sentenced to five and a half years in prison for fraud & extortion," says CBS 5.
The disgraced former supe, as most of you know by now, tried extorting Chinese immigrant owners of Sunset District Quickly for $84,000, Not so effectively preying upon the same people he promised to support during his campaign.
During her ruling, U.S. District Judge Susan Illston said, "I don't think this was a lapse in judgment or a poor decision. This was a corrupt act." The five-plus year sentence was more than the four years and nine months that prosecutors recommended. Ouch.
More jail time could be tacked on to today's sentence as Jew will soon face the state court for felony perjury. If you recall, he also fibbed about where he lived. (Because Burlingame? Isn't even in San Francisco, Ed.)
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He should be easier to find now.
Please bring back SFist Rita's wry analysis and the story byline Oh No, Ed Jew!:
Bring back SFist Rita, period.
We'll miss you Ed; god that story was fun while it lasted.
His ass will be traded for cigarettes...Quickly
C'mon, Judge: this guy's own lawyer called him a brain-damaged tree sloth. 5.5 years in a Federal Pound-Me-In-The-Ass Prison for that? Oh no, Ed Jew!!!
I don't think they send corrupt polis to the same place they send murderers. He is probably minimum security all the way - which means conjugal visits, which means probably no one is getting shived, or whatever.
Hey Ed, remember, don't drop the soap!
I hate to be a stick in the mud here, but can we possibly get through a story involving jail or prison without rape jokes? Let's leave that to SFGate commenters.
Thank you! Rape is never funny.
Disagree. The whole premise of hetero guys ass-fucking each other because it is the only available hole is FUNNY.
Thanks for saying that Angrybat.
I am also in the "rape is not funny" camp.
For some reason SFist seems to attract more foul-mouthed posters than any of the other "ists." Some editorial control is long overdue.
Fuck you.
Yeah, fuck the other "-ists!"
I agree with Keith. Fuck you. If you want a site that's safe for your precious little eyes, go to Disney.com or some shit.
Okay big brother.
Amen! Prison rape is not kosher. Ever.
As long as you're not using a dairy-based dressing to toss that dude's salad I don't see why it wouldn't be.
I don't know. I think y'all are selling Ed a little short here.
Instead of his smooth Asian twink ass getting Shaw Shanked, I can just as easily imagine a world where Ed is the One Not To Be Fucked With on cell-block D.
Sorta like Rorchach in The Watchmen? The small, wiry guy who goes ape-shit? You know the type: eerily self-contained, never talks, no expression. Then all of a sudden he throws scalding kitchen grease all over an inmate's face because the guy made a crack about whether Ed's parole would come up "Quickly."
COMMENT FIGHT!
Did someone just suggest that the editoral staff of SFist censor the comments? Seriously? Over a prison rape joke? The reason I love the SFist comments so dearly is because no where else will you find a post about a politician going to jail result in a commenter discussion of whether or not rape is hilarious.
The preferred term is "forcelove". Please.
"Surprise Sex"
Alright, I'll get me coat...
You can find that just about anywhere on the internet.
Bostonist comment banned me for ages for a moderately snarky defense of RobinSF. In theory, -ist has a policy of only writing polite comments that smell like daisies and contribute to the public discourse.
Really? Wow. Our overlord takes a very light hand with the threads.
Prison buttsecks isn't normal...but on meth it is.
Actually, it's very normal. Even Navy medical manuals recognize it as a moderate to high occurrence for those in isolated circumstances of six weeks or longer, no matter their orientation.
As for Ed's circumstances, great. Just great. Now he finally has solid reasoning to support his victim/martyr complex. After five years incarceration, he'll be even more unbearable--with a book deal, no doubt.
Hmm, a book deal. What would be the title?
"How I did it, not written by OJ Simpson"
"My five and a half years..."
Yeah, there's going to be a *huge* demand for a book by Ed Jew. "My two months on the board of supes and five years in jail, by some guy".
You're seriously trying to use logic to predict what this guy will do?
Tossed salads aside, what continues to fascinate me about this story is how Quickly had a spare 80 grand laying around to bribe Jew. That's a buttload of tapioca.
According to Matier & Ross over at the Chronicle of Despair, Quickly Tapioca thought something was fishy about Jew and contacted the FBI, who provided them marked $$$$$$ with which to bribe Ed Jew. And he took it.
"The defense also said Jew suffered from brain damage"
His condition perfectly suited him for being on the SF Board of Stupidvisors.
Now THAT was funny!
Now THAT was funny!
I *swear* I only hit submit once. :(!
wait, what?
i thought we were talking about foie grois?
Jailbird Jew is practically going to be in the click longer than he was in office.
Hey was there ever any penalty againd the "Quickly" chain that was trying to bribe him in the first place? That place sucks anyway, what sort of bubble tea shop makes you pay extra for the tapioca anyway?
What planet have you been on?
I'm sure Ed's nether regions will be perfectly safe since he'll continue showering at his flower shop in Chinatown as he always has!
Quickly didn't try to bribe him, "girex". He put the squeeze on them, they went to the FBI and showed up with the $40k he wanted and a wire he didn't, both supplied by the feds.
But why bother finding any widely-available information out when it's way more fun to make sleazy and baseless allegations against the victims of a crime instead?
He's going to Club Fed. Federal prisons have ping pong tables, pools, billiard tables, etc.
Only thing that sucks for him is he's gonna do the whole sentence without a chance of parole (also a federal thing).
Maybe Ed can get with that furry headed douchebag from Illinois, Blagovajayjay and go on tour...or something to that effect.