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Before we post a few festive Valentine's Day events -- you know, fun ones with other lonely single folks; parties that will, hopefully, keep you from taking the final Nestea plunge over the Golden Gate Bridge -- let's commiserate on those who have broken our hearts. For Friday fun, share with us in the comments the most bizarre and/or depressing way in which somebody broke your heart. Or, if you must, how you viciously broke someone else's. And why. Did you do it via text? Did you fire her just so she would breakup with you? Did the crazy bitch slice open an artery in your bathroom? Did you lie and say you were gay?
We've all been there before, having our egos shattered to shards. So please take a minute to vomit up your inner most moments of anguish in our comments.
We'll start. Ahem:
Over the phone he said,"This is going to sound mean, but redheads really gross me out. Your hair sketches me out big time. Sorry."
Now it's your turn.
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Received via email. It doesn’t make me look like much of a “keeper”…but shit, even I admit it is funny:
oh boy holly...I'm so sorry..But i don't think we should keep dating... Your message was so cute and...sorry i wasn't home i was playing poker in oakland. you have a pretty face and a cute little voice, and you are the most laid back girl i've EVER dated. probably most mature. I could tell that you were smart and i never once thought anything you said sounded stupid. I loved playing super mario with you and stuff, I will get it back to you when ever you want. call me if you want to talk. –Anonymous
Awesome!!!
he's just not that into anything.
Over the phone he said,"This is going to sound mean, but redheads really gross me out. Your hair sketches me out big time. Sorry."
Holy shit, that douche deserves to be kicked in the nuts! Redheads are not sketch!
On the flip side, I've been a pretty bad girlfriend in my younger days. I cheated on someone just so that I didn't have to be the one to initiate the break up. That didn't work out so well as the dude went batshit crazy insane at my place of work.
Yeah, I don't know what's up with the gross redhead thing. I mean, I remember when they'd get teased in grade school, but after that I've never dated any that were anything but unabashed orgasm factories. Which is good.
Were they considered to be the spawn of evil worms in the Middle Ages or something?
I sort of feel about redhead prejudice the same way Sir Mix-a-lot felt about big butts.
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
Yes, thinking about it, they are "all about the O".
Sorry Brock, but redheads are totally sketch!
I think there's a common perception that their pubic hair tastes/smells of ferrous oxide. Not saying it's true, just the uninformed perception. I have found counter evidence, however.
My own, and it's pretty shitty. Was going out for about 10 months with a girl in Los Angeles. Her family takes yearly monthlong vacations in Hawaii, and it was coming up in 2 weeks. She'd bought me a plane tix from SF to Maui but the week previous, I'd met a girl in Denver that I was smitten with. So, not wanting to be duplicitous, I broke up LA Woman 3 days before I was supposed to fly there. At least she had her family social structure to help. We subsequently spoke, and she did let me know that it was not a good time for her. Since then, she got married, prolly has a kid. All good.
They don't allow redhead news readers in France because the French think they're unhygienic. Read into that what you will.
Took a trip to vegas to celebrate both our birthdays AND Valentine's day - bought him dinner at his favorite restaurant (Prime Rib place, and I'm vegetarian!) and then as soon as we get in the car to drive home, he dumps me. Doesn't even wait til the end of the trip! 4 hours of painful silence. What a douche.
Monday morning, right before Christmas. I was supposed to be flying into town and going to see him in FOUR days.
Then I get a facebook message from. Telling me that the two years of on again/off again bullshit is definitively over because he started dating someone new. Four days before I was supposed to spend the week with him...
And to top it off, it was too late to reschedule my flight, so I had to spend an extra WEEK with my parents after Christmas. Of course, all my friends were out of town, so I was literally stuck at my parents house for that week...
7 weeks later, I'm still pissed. Mostly because I still miss the rat fucker. *sigh*
Is it February 15th yet?
I broke up with a lady once because she didn't tip. Probably still doesn't, probably still alone and childless.
awesome.
Worst break up ever (and yes, sadly, it is true):
Me: Sorry, I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm just a Freshman in college and I want to explore my options and not be tied down to a relationship.
Him: God, I wish the players weren't right. If you dish your ice cream out all at once, then the girl doesn't want it. You have to dish it out scoop by scoop.
*on the verge of tears*
Sorry, I'm going to have to de-friend you from Facebook, I don't think I can handle if your status changes.
*looks away despairingly*
God, I almost fucked a virgin...damnit. Can we at least be fuck buddies?
Me: uh, no, God. I think your problem is that you've been dishing out the wrong flavor. I'm leaving.
I have to correct that. She didn't tip in BARS and RESTAURANTS. I'm not complaining that she didn't tip ME, I'm not a gigolo.
Worst break up ever (and yes, sadly, it is true):
Me: Sorry, I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm just a Freshman in college and I want to explore my options and not be tied down to a relationship.
Him: God, I wish the players weren't right. If you dish your ice cream out all at once, then the girl doesn't want it. You have to dish it out scoop by scoop.
*on the verge of tears*
Sorry, I'm going to have to de-friend you from Facebook, I don't think I can handle if your status changes.
*looks away despairingly*
God, I almost fucked a virgin...damnit. Can we at least be fuck buddies?
Me: uh, no, God. I think your problem is that you've been dishing out the wrong flavor. I'm leaving.
Sorry, I'm going to have to de-friend you from Facebook, I don't think I can handle if your status changes.
That is hilarious, in a sad weird way.
Over the phone he said,"This is going to sound mean, but redheads really gross me out. Your hair sketches me out big time. Sorry."
This person should be exterminated immediately. Absolutely not cool.
Worst break up? The last guy I seriously dated broke up with me on his blog! If it weren't so hilariously lame, I'd have been totally devastated.
He was breaking up with US, don't be selfish.
I was dumped at a Souper Salad, which is like Fresh Choice back east.
no humor here, but:
i came home from the hospital having attempted suicide, and he told me that he was sleeping with another girl. He said he wanted to tell me then, because at least i could deal with all the bad stuff at once instead of spreading it out over time. my reaction: I literally threw up.
wow! that's black-eye material right there, even if you had to use a reflex hammer to do it.
On him I hope?
Here's my pathetic break up story:
In junior year of high school, a couple days before the end of spring break, I get an IM from my boyfriend, Daniel. He broke up with me over IM. I still have that IM.
Him: we should just be friends cause i dont really think it will work out
2005
Him: Why can't we talk this out?
Me: The sound of your voice makes me want to throw up.
2007
Him: Well if this keeps up, I'm just going to have to start calling you my girlfriend.
Me: . . .
2008
Me: I don't know, I mean, I like you, but if you never called me again, I would survive.
Him: Funny, I was thinking of asking you to marry me.
Me: Oh? Don't.
2009
Me: Happy New Year! You know, I was thinking about what you said about my moving in.
Him: Wait, I've been thinking to.
Me: Yeah? Think we should just save the money and share a room?
Him: No. I don't really want you in my life in the new year, I was thinking you should leave.
uhm wow, i'm actually kind of a sucker for red hair ..
more for me i guess!
after 17 years of marriage and 3 teenage children and 1 year's separation and 90 days legally divorced and him dating another woman for about 4 months i get an email about the kids spending the weekend with him and he adds
btw: erin and i got married six weeks ago. don't tell the kids, I was thinking i'd tell them on the weekend
self centered? the understatement of the century.
Sorry for generalizations about redheads. Usually beautiful, but also equal psycho bitch drama.
Not really a breakup, but an end nonetheless. I was having dinner with M not far from my apartment. It wasn't going very well and I offered to just walk home afterward. She said, no, that she'd drive me. Five blocks. Ok, so then she dumps me in front of my apt. Literally and figuratively.
Fast forward a couple of years and I run into her in a cafe not far away. We chat. In a lull, she asks if I live in the neighborhood. I said, yes, I live on Dolores if you recall.
Started dating him in UK, because he had a car and his own apartment and liked the same artists that I did (later it turned out he was about 5 years older than he told me he was, which made him about 10 years older than I was at the time, which was 21). We kept it pretty casual. Came back to CA for a few weeks in the summer and suddenly he SHOWS UP AT MY PARENTS DOORSTEP, says he's taking classes in the bay area over the summer (wtf?).
We go to the beach with some of my friends and he insists on wearing a weensy speedo (cringe) and sunbathing without sunblock. He gets third degree sunburn and sunstroke and I am taking care of him in my childhood bedroom with the Kaiser nurse on the phone and packets of ice everywhere. He is delirious and I tell him, OK, listen, I'm going to take care of you until tomorrow morning, and the I'm going to drive you to Berkeley, and then it is over and we will never see each other again, not even back in England, and you can take this bottle of aloe vera with you.
The next day he pretended like he didn't remember so I had to do it all over again. But he was irritatingly trying to correct my driving the whole way (this coming from someone whose f*&#ing countrymen drive on the wrong side of the road) so it was a lot easier to do the second time.