In this San Francisco Chronicle story from 1899, a North Beach street urchin defends himself in court. No, we don't know why he was allowed to act as his own lawyer -- or for that matter, why a six-year old was arrested in the first place! It's just another peep-hole into life during the Gilded Age:
Small Boy Defends Himself
John Manuel Parodi, Aged Six, Makes His Legal Debut.John Manuel Parodi, aged six years, successfully defended himself yesterday in Judge Treadwell's court, where he was on trial for the alleged theft of a box of cigars from the store of Carlos Sobrano on Prescott place, near Vallejo street. Sobrano testified that he missed the cigars a moment after young Parodi left his store about 7 o'clock last Sunday evening.
"I'd like to ask him something" piped the boy defendant in a small treble voice, after Sobrano had told his story.
"Haven't you a lawyer, my boy?" asked the Court, leaning over the bench to get a better view of the tiny prisoner.
"No sir," said John Manuel Parodi. "I think I can acquit the case myself."
"All right; take the witness," said Judge Treadwell, with a poorly concealed smile.
"Did you see me take your cigars, mister?" queried Parodi.
"No, I did not." answered Sobrano.
"Then you don't know I took 'em. Don't you know, mister, that you sold a package of cigarettes to me which is against the law, and then you come and say I stole your cigars. You're all right, you are."
Sobrano was excused, and Giovanni Cerino, a larger boy than the defendant, took the stand. Cerino said he saw Parodi leaving the store with a box of cigars under his arm.
"Where were you then?" inquired the amateur attorney.
"On the opposite side of the street," replied the witness.
"Oh you were? Could you see me plain?"
"Yes, I saw you plain."
"What color shirt had I on?"
Cerino hesitated a moment, and then said: "A blue shirt."
"You're wrong; it was a red shirt." exclaimed Parodi. And then, turning to the judge, "You can see, mister, that he's no kind of witness."
Cerino was excused, and after a mild lecture to Parodi, Judge Treadwell dismissed the case, amid the plaudits of the audience.
San Francisco Chronicle -- 1.14.1899

Small Boy Defends Himself

"You're all right, you are."
Man, this kid sounds tough.
I'm not surprised that a 6 year old who smokes can construct sentences like that.
For some reason I imagined everyone speaking with a British accent, especially the urchin. I pictured him as a small Artful Dodger type. Too much Dickens!
I wager very few six-year-olds today would even know how and when to construct the sentence, "I think I can acquit the case myself." Great story!
"You can see, mister, that he's no kind of witness."
People should talk like this again.
I've met some precocious six year-olds but never this precocious. I hope after his acquittal someone bought him a pint to celebrate.
I watched "The Bicycle Thief" for the first time in a long time last weekend. I had forgotten that the Kid and his Pop sit down in a restaurant and commiserate over their failure to find the bicycle by splitting a carafe of wine.
Children should only drink under adult supervision!
We need more street urchins
This story cracked me up. I'd have loved to see this little tough guy in action. Thanks.
"Don't you know, mister, that you sold a package of cigarettes to me which is against the law, and then you come and say I stole your cigars. You're all right, you are."
Bad ass.
That's the most awsomeist thing I've ever read. Them was some Free Range Kids them was. He gave him what for.
Damn I'll be talking like this all day now, I will.
Afterwards, Giovanni Cerino beat up John Marodi, taking his lunch money and a box of cigars.
English accent? Even better. There used to be a San Francisco accent. My Great-Grandmother had one! Find some tapes! I have a recording somewhere...
I have to admit I was hearing "oichin" the whole time ... accent from the wrong coast, I know, but what exactly *was* that San Francisco accent?
@sfperson200 - find those tapes and let me post 'em!