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Last night's Marriage Equality Community Forum was neat! It started with a brief hello from former New Paltz mayor Jason West. We tried to get a picture, but as you can see, he is simply too dreamy and wonderful to be captured by normal photographic equipment.
The meeting was part of a statewide effort to collect data from everyone at a grassroots level. The "official" marriage activists want to compile an analysis of what went wrong and what went right. If you missed the meeting, you can still contribute -- just fill out the survey on Marriage Equality's site. Molly McKay, the forum's moderator, indicated that the report would be made public.
The evening was kicked off by some speakers: Shayna Gelender from the ACLU explained the current status of the legal challenge to Prop 8. Next, Andrea Shorter explained ... well, we're not sure. We like Andrea -- she's gentle and heartfelt -- but with all her dramatic pauses and lengthy digressions, we sometimes have trouble catching her meaning. And then finally, Sister Edith Myflesh (out of uniform!) talked about outreach. The protests were great, he said, but we need to take those demonstrations to other communities. "They need to see real queer people," he said, and mentioned an upcoming bus trip to Fresno. The audience audibly gasped.
And then, it was on with the discussions.
We left the meeting early, so we weren't able to hear much of the audience's input. (Were you there? Please supply your observations in the comments.) But we can report that the community is still struggling with effective strategies. There were a number of campaigns discussed at the meeting -- some with official endorsement, others suggested by random audience members. Some sound okay; others, well...
- December 10: Day Without a Gay. Take the day off of work, don't buy anything, and go volunteer in communities. Sounds like a nice idea, but how many people can actually take a day off of work and refrain from purchases? And of them, how many will actually volunteer? Our predictions: few and fewer. Also, WTF? Don't buy anything? Who organized this campaign, the Campus Marxist Brigade? We're just not sure what the goal is, or how anyone's going to track the outcome.
- December 20: Candlelight Vigil in Union Square. Sounds pleasant enough. But, okay, you lit some candles and stood around looking glum. Now what? Again, we're just not sure what the goal or the outcome is.
- January 24: Demonstrate on behalf of women's reproductive rights. Um?
- Write a postcard to Barack Obama, telling him to overturn federal Defense of Marriage. Do campaigns like this really work? We know what the goal is, but we're afraid that the postcard method won't get us there.
- Go see Milk to boost its box office. A big BO for Milk is a good thing -- as long as it's profitable, they'll keep widening the release so that more people can see it. But like the postcards, is the really do-able? We'd have to spend tens of thousands to make a noticeable surge in the film's already-big take.
- Call the manager of Pottery Barn to complain about how their Castro window-display only has heterosexual couples. Apparently the strategy is to have our marriages solemnized by home furnishing stores. Okay, okay, we know that visibility is crucial; but is this really the battle we're choosing?
- Harass Molly McKay. (This was the strategy employed last night by Michael Petrelis, who interrupted the speaker and made aggressive demands about the agenda. If his goal was eliciting uncomfortable squirming and hisses from the rest of the audience, mission accomplished.)
AmericaBlog's John Aravosis says, " I don't fault the followers for coming up with very sweet but useless ideas. I fault the leaders, in California and in Washington, for permitting this void in smart political leadership to continue year after year."
Ouch. Are these really all "sweet but useless"? Or are we just feeling particularly pessimistic after the Prop 8 loss? Hopefully, once they see some of the feedback from events like these, the leaders will be able to reassure us that they have their shit together.
Hopefully.
Disclosure: SFist_Matt is the creator of Stop8.org, and does behind-the-scenes activism for marriage equality.



As probably the only former New Paltz resident (born and raised) who reads SFist (prove me wrong), I can vouch for Mr. West's dreamyness.
In addition, I can tell you he only got the mayorship by getting all the college kids in the town to vote, much to the chagrin of the locals. But hey, it got him some street cred... and even on Letterman.
PS He would also tie one on at the local watering hole pretty often which made for some interesting interactions, so saith my townie friends.
Matty - thanks for the report back.
I was there! And I have to say, I thought the meeting was surprisingly good and productive. We broke out into small groups of six which really ensured everyone had their say and was heard. That was important. As we re-joined the general assembly, people were really energized and eager to share what came out of the groups.
That said, there was so many good insights and suggestions flying around at the end, that it was really difficult to keep track of it all, so I can't provide a comprehensive bullet-point summary. But each group made notes of our responses. We were ensured that all responses are being compiled into a final report or summary that will be made public at some point.
But there were a couple of points that came up repeatedly from different people. One was just how deaf the No On 8 campaign was to the grassroots volunteers. Several people repeatedly tried organizing campaign actions targeting the Latino community only to be ignored. Other volunteers were repeatedly given mis-information. As for going forward, a number of people commented on the need for visibility. Another great suggestion concerned building alliances with other communities, for example, working with the Latino community on immigration rights in return for their support of same-sex marriage rights. The demonstration above for women's reproductive rights is an action along those lines.
It sounds awfully bureaucratic, I know, but I'll be looking forward to seeing the summary of everyone's responses.
Rolling Stone had an interesting article about why Prop 8 passed:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/24603325/samesex_setback
I can't vouch for its accuracy, but it makes for good reading.
mormon update:
donny osmond -- in favor of 8. ambiguously.
steve young -- not in favor of 8. had a sign in his front yard.
I forgot to add: I thought the best part came at the end. Molly McKay said there's really no need to wait for a report, or wait for some official organization to act on a good idea. (We don't want to become another Judean Peoples' Front.) If you've got a good idea, she said, "just f***ing do it." Do e-mail the various organizations and let them know what you're doing, but don't wait for their blessings or for anyone to do it for you. Amen to that.
We need, let me say this again:
NEW
LEADERSHIP
The Marriage Equality guys FAILED. And now they send out a Survey Monkey?! We need a NEW team who can take this fight to our enemies and reach out to possible swing voters. Not the same old same old.
@aj: Yeah, there was pretty much consensus on that point. There was talk about how to shift things more towards true grassroots activism. People drew comparisons to Barack Obama's website and how it gave people the tools to take action on their own.
maybe we need my.stop8.org?
Why the "um" about showing up on January 24th to protest the catholic church?
The "Walk for Life" might be advertised as a time for the Catholic community to show their support for criminalizing abortion,but as a person who has actually gone to this march, I can assure you they don't just talk about abortion- there's tons of signage targeting queers, contraception...any thing that they think falls outside the realm of "normal" behavior.
This is the community that VOTED FOR PROP 8.
And they'll be on the streets all day, feeling good about it.
So what the fuck? Make the connection already; they sure are.
Also brought up was http://startaconversation.org. This is a new site that provides resources for talking to parents, family, friends -- those outside the LGBT community -- about LGBT equality. There are three films available online (each with a different ethnic focus) that help people accept their LGBT community members.
Check it out.
Right on Suki. I go to and counter protest with my Mom every year. They bring their kids and scream that we are liberals, god will bless us and ask us if we're gay. It's insane. I'd love to see supporters of No on 8 join the counter march this year.
Rent a bus and go protest in Fresno? Gee, what a GREAT idea! Of course, I got hassled by some of the gays here when I came up with it some 20 odd years ago, but then I don't dress up like a deranged nun who raided Bette Davis's closet.
a.) Candlelight vigils are for losers and wusses.
b.) "Day Without A Gay" is lame - there aren't enough of us to make it actually noticeable to anyone. Maybe at that tacky Louis Vuitton boutique on Union Square...
c.) Write a postcard to Barry - why?
d.) Go see "Milk" - why?
e.) Yell at Pottery Barn - why?
f.) Harass Molly McKay - who?
I have an idea. Let's just wait for the state Supreme Court to make a decision on the constitutionality of this proposition. The probability of them allowing the rights of a suspect class to be taken away by majority vote is like none.
It amazes me that 15, 000 anti-choice/queer Catholics march into town every year.. and there's still this head scratching response when the idea of responding ("Um?") is proposed.
It was the brainchild of the SF Archdiocese, fer fucks sake. It's HUGE. And... it is intimately connected with the drive to push queers and their rights off the grid. Dolores Meehan, the main organizer, is a Prop 8 donor. Sure, it was only 100.00 bucks, but she's still probably pretty pleased with her investment.
The Catholic church has been bouncing around since Prop 8 passed patting themselves on the back for doing such bitchin' coalition work with the Mormons.
We need to do our own bitchin' coalition work, too, no?
phew.
Thanks for the report-back!
@suki: Right on!
@TAYM:
a) The Candlelight Vigil, I think, was actually Christmas caroling in Union Square. Someone wrote anti-8 lyrics to a bunch of the standard carols. (We heard one last night. It totally didn't make me cringe! It was even quite cute.) It's a visibility event. Single most awesome-est event ever? No. But it's something. And I expect that being at Union Square, the message will make it to lots of visitors.
b) Lame. Agreed.
c) Postcard to Obama? Yeah, fine, go ahead if you want.
d) The Milk idea was to get as many people to the theatres on the weekend of the nationwide opening to ensure it debuts high in the rankings. Brings publicity and creates buzz for a movie that people should see.
e) Pottery Barn - The suggestion wasn't to harass PB. Rather, it was to give them a little gentle nudging to include same-sex couples in their ads. There's no reason they couldn't pull that off, especially in a place like the Castro.
f) This was in reference to a heckler who showed up, attempted to hijack/de-rail the meeting, then got all huffy with the organizer, Molly McKay, for being a "control queen." The crowd hissed him down. He left before any of the work began.
"The probability of them allowing the rights of a suspect class to be taken away by majority vote is like none." The same was said about the passage of Prop 8 to begin with. Famous last words, anyone?
Is there any of that $40 million left? Did anyone ask about that??
I thought about going, but since Petrelis showed up I guess there wasn't need for more heckling.
I suggest going to see Milk, but not because I want box office records. That film and the depiction of the effort against Prop 6 is extremely educational considering recent events.
What happeened to the movement? Where did the progress go...the progress that seemed inevitable and earned with the defeat of Briggs? I have an idea where it went.
The organization that used to happen in the neighborhoods left the street and headed toward government. Now we are "lead" by lawyers and politicians - gay ones mind you - that found it to me more productive to work within the system to achieve change.
It is an overly cautious, closeted and frustrating failure of the progresss that Milk left us to build upon.
"The community" did exactly what Milk railed against in the middle of the film. His activism turned a 20% disadvantage into a vicotry against Prop 6.
The Democratic party ass-kissing and Burt Bacharach singing and candle crying has got to stop. Prop 22 should never have passed and Prop 8 certainly shouldn't have either. Milk beat Prop 6 with a hell of a lot less than $40 million.
Kate Kendall and Geoff Kors should be audited and run out of town.
People need to start producing their own leaders rather than clamoring for the existing ones to find leaders for them.
@Yatdave:
The same was said about the passage of Prop 8 to begin with. Famous last words, anyone?
Key difference: The Justices of the California Supreme Court actually know what a suspect class is, not to mention equal protection under the law, etc., etc. The asshats who whine about how "the people have spoken" only demonstrate their complete and total ignorance of American constitutional law. I guess civics isn't a required topic among the creepy home school crowd.
I appreciate the update on this meeting.
I agree the additional ideas jointheimpact has offered are USELESS.
What generated 300 demonstrations in 50 states was a remarkable achievement, and as an older gay activist, the new young leaders impressed me.
They should build on their original simple plan, pick one Saturday/Sunday per month and every queer (and our friends) in America heads to their City Hall, EVERY month getting bigger and bigger until June 09 when CA Supreme Court decides on prop 8. This would show America it's not business as usual until OUR rights are again covered by the equal protection clause.
Should CA Supreme Court fail to overturn prop 8, add this intiative to the 2010 ballot:
Be it resolved the CA constitutional equal protection clause will be renamed the HETERO-EQUAL protection clause.
Lets just end the charade...shall we?
I also BOYCOTT UTAH...cry me a great salt lake
Perhaps since the LDS elders and Catholic bishops are so keen on the word "marriage", that is what we should take from them.
intiatives in 48 states All previous marriage licenses (except MA and CT )will be renamed Hetero-Marriage Licenses.