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Sigh.
PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has asked Ben & Jerry's to start using breast milk in their ice cream. While it looks like nothing more than a vile publicity stunt (or as Jameth puts it, an Onion article), we'll let the letter PETA sent to Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield speak for itself. Ahem:
September 23, 2008Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield, Cofounders
Ben & Jerry's Homemade Inc.
Dear Mr. Cohen and Mr. Greenfield,
On behalf of PETA and our more than 2 million members and supporters, I'd like to bring your attention to an innovative new idea from Switzerland that would bring a unique twist to Ben and Jerry's.
Storchen restaurant is set to unveil a menu that includes soups, stews, and sauces made with at least 75 percent breast milk procured from human donors who are paid in exchange for their milk. If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers-and cows-would reap the benefits.
Using cow's milk for your ice cream is a hazard to your customer's health. Dairy products have been linked to juvenile diabetes, allergies, constipation, obesity, and prostate and ovarian cancer. The late Dr. Benjamin Spock, America's leading authority on child care, spoke out against feeding cow's milk to children, saying it may play a role in anemia, allergies, and juvenile diabetes and in the long term, will set kids up for obesity and heart disease-America's number one cause of death.
Animals will also benefit from the switch to breast milk. Like all mammals, cows only produce milk during and after pregnancy, so to be able to constantly milk them, cows are forcefully impregnated every nine months. After several years of living in filthy conditions and being forced to produce 10 times more milk than they would naturally, their exhausted bodies are turned into hamburgers or ground up for soup.
And of course, the veal industry could not survive without the dairy industry. Because male calves can't produce milk, dairy farmers take them from their mothers immediately after birth and sell them to veal farms, where they endure 14 to17 weeks of torment chained inside a crate so small that they can't even turn around.
The breast is best! Won't you give cows and their babies a break and our health a boost by switching from cow's milk to breast milk in Ben and Jerry's ice cream? Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Tracy Reiman
Executive Vice President
After vomiting, what are your thoughts on using boob milk to make Chunky Monkey?
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Booby juice ice cream! It does have a ring to it...
PETA has gone clearly off the deep end and can now officially, collectively, en masse, go fuck themselves.
They just crossed the line between barely-reasonable-with-a-somewhat-admirable-cause to bat-shit-crazy nutjobs.
Don't feed the trolls.
Hey I'm not a big fan of PETA either but if supporting them is what it takes to get us yummy breast milk ice cream than SIGN. ME. UP.
Yeah, c'mon guys lets save those animals!
This would appear to be a solution without a problem.
http://www.neosoft.se/dev/advicedog/advicedog.php?line1=Boobie+milk+ice+cream&line2=requires+chocolate+chips
A totally not fake Swiss restauranteur recently DID this, as totally not a joke...
(read the comments below that Times article for extra lulzy action)
Being an astute reader of both Shanghaiist and Sfist, I see potential here.
http://shanghaiist.com/2008/09/22/entrepreneurial_chengdu_mom_offers.php
It's also supposed to be melamine-free.
That is dis-gusting. Do you even know what's in breast milk? Rocket fuel, mercury, any number of pharmaceuticals washed down the drain and into the ground water the kind of women who'd sell their breast milk to be made into ice cream prolly drink...PETA is dumb!
By the way, perfect accompanying photo, Brock. Poor Jayne Mansfield...
Yummy delicious hamburgers? Sign me up.
Perhaps they'll be served at the new Burger Bar.
I will admit to being totally ignorant on the subject of human breast milk, but wouldn't it be prohibitively expensive for use on such a large scale?
Considering breast feeding gives you the ability to eat like a pig and still lose weight, if they can figure out a way to make me start lactating without having to go through childbirth, they can hook me up to a milker tomorrow.
Prohibitively expensive? Ppfft! Not for a very certain clientele...
@ bluecanary - It's a lie about the weight loss. Signed, one who knows.
i love lazy people
bluecanary, I concur with Katy.
But if you're still interested in trying, you just need to stimulate your nipples or be suckled consistently for awhile to begin lactating.
How long "awhile" is, I don't know.
8 )
Every time PETA doesn't something ridiculous I give money to http://www.consumerfreedom.com/
Not for a very certain clientele...
Bingo. But first I want to hear how this will affect my wine & fruit parings. I'm serious.
1) How does boobie cheese compare to chèvre/fetta types?
2) Does pasteurization ruin the flavor?
3) Semi-soft? Aged? Washed-rind.
4) Would the scarcity make fondue cost prohibitive?
5) Do donations from Swiss fräuleins taste better than those from, um, Oakland?
So many questions.
I've always been curious about why people don't bat an eye about drinking cow's milk or cheese made from goat's milk (etc.) but freak out about human milk. Most of us drank it when we were babies, right? When does it become gross?
Not that I'm looking to chug a glass of it with my chocolate cake... just wondering.
a friend of mine drinks his wife's boob milk when she expels it after, say, a night of drinking. it's supposed to be good for the immune system or something. it makes me retch.
They're appealing to the wrong market.
If they can get Alice Waters & Thomas Keller to start using it, the foodies, and eventually, the masses will follow.
I've been suggesting B&J make spumoni ice cream for years, but will they? Phfft.
@KatyG: Maybe for you, but I lost 45 pounds in one month using that method.
KatyG & bluecanary, the both of you have been (presumably) with-child? i had no idea. i really need to guet my ass together to have some sort of sfist readers meet-and-greet. you know, so we can pull one another's hair out and stuff.
I started lactating after a brief run on Paxil. It was crazy weird.
@bluecanary - 45 lbs! I think I may hate you. I wore a girdle for a year due to my baby flap.
@Brock - do you really think it's wise to get us all together in one confined space?
I have a 16 year old. Yes, I am a product of the South, with a little bit in common with Bristol Palin (but even I wouldn't date a self-professed redneck with a mullet. I do have SOME standards!)
Unfortunately for the width of my ass, said teen is no longer breastfeeding.
I'm with sissa. Why is human milk any more disgusting than cow milk? If you're really worried about what's in the ground water, isn't it an equal (or greater) concern?
Not only is this disgusting but you can actually get HIV from breast milk. There is no way I am taking that chance and eating products made from breast milk. Gross!
Um I have a feeling this is just a typical PETA publicity stunt. At ease, snowboard, no one is going to put HIV-laden breast milk in your ice cream.
Pfft. Save the animals? Save the humans.
You know that if human breast milk is going to be widely used we'll just have a bunch of asian sweatshop milking farms. They'll be allowed to graze, and walk around, but spend most of their life attached to a breast pump.
Same as cows.
Personally I think we'll get far more use out of those sweatshops being used as they currently are. To make our clothes.
gosh you should warn people about linking to that jameth person!!! That picture is not safe for work!
there aren't enough boobs in the world to milk and make the amount of ice cream that i alone eat in a single year. if ben and jerry's were to take this on, they'd need to start milking men. and that just isn't something i'm prepared for.
Anything that involves women squeezing their breasts is cool with me.