Yes. Let it come. Let the wonderful distraction of American football commence!

As engaging as a great novel, as cleansing on a base level as quality time with a kitten, as American as anyone who cares to hold the ideal of a better, more-just possible world in their heart -- it's timetimetime for some football!

Yes, please, let it come.

As we've said in years hence; for just a little while, let there be kickoffs and touchdowns and the illusion of a level playing field. Let the delicious distraction be.

Ready now. Here we are, it's time for the National Football League's 2008 regular season to begin. And here is American Football Spectacular's complete NFL preview. Yes, yes, yes.

As always, all predictions are guaranteed by American Football Spectacular to have been made with the best of intentions, and no real surety. That's why we play the games, dude.

Image of flags over Candlestick via an unknown Picasa user. Yes, flags are an essentially empty symbol. The most important thing is to fight for the tangible things that the flags are meant to represent. Paradoxical? Yes. What could be more American? Listen to the song "Facet Squared" by Fugazi, they put it more eloquently than us.

O, football; we're glad that you're back. Predictions commence after the jump. Here's how we think it'll all work out...

In this preview, each division's teams are ranked in order of their predicted finish from first to last. Then, musical acts from each NFL team's area are presented in the same order.

Read that over again before reacting: we're not ranking the music, just the NFL teams.

Please note, there will only be bands from New Jersey representing the "New York" franchises due to the NJ location of Giants Stadium at The Meadowlands. Simple as that.

And you? Agree? Disagree? Confused? That's what the comment section is for. Let's talk. We can work this out together.

AFC East:

New England; New York Jets; Buffalo; Miami.
Pixies; The Bouncing Souls; Ani DiFranco; Gloria Estefan.

AFC North:

Pittsburgh; Cleveland; Baltimore; Cincinnati.
Anti-Flag; The Black Keys; Dan Deacon; Bootsy Collins.

AFC South:

SFist Eve's Indianapolis Colts; Jacksonville; Tennessee; Houston.
Margot And The Nuclear So And So's; Limp Bizkit; Dolly Parton; Paul Wall.

AFC West:

San Diego; Denver; Oakland; Kansas City.
Hot Snakes; Winger; Neurosis; Burt Bacharach.

NFC East:

Dallas; The New York American Football Giants; Philly; Washington DC.
Meat Loaf; The Dillinger Escape Plan; Armalite; The Evens.

NFC North:

Minnesota; Chicago; Green Bay; Detroit.
Dillinger Four; The Arrivals; Rev. Norb; The White Stripes.

NFC South:

Carolina; New Orleans; Tampa Bay; Atlanta.
Superchunk; Preservation Hall Jazz Band; Cannibal Corpse; MF DOOM.

NFC West:

Seattle; San Francisco; St. Louis; Arizona.
Modest Mouse; Me First And The Gimme Gimmes; Nelly; Jimmy Eat World.

Image of Marion Barber getting yanked down by NE LBs Tedy Bruschi and Mike Vrabel via The Daily Texan.

Most Valuable Player: QB Tom Brady, NE

Coach Of The Year: Jeff Fisher, TEN

Defensive Player Of The Year: OLB DeMarcus Ware, DAL

Offensive Player Of The Year: QB Tom Brady, NE

Defensive Rookie Of The Year: DT Glenn Dorsey, KC

Offensive Rookie Of The Year: RB Felix Jones, DAL

AFC Championship Game: Jacksonville at New England

NFC Championship Game: Seattle at Dallas

Super Bowl XLIII: No surprises. Both #1 seeds plow through the playoffs and square off at The Big Show in Tampa. Spittin' out naught but the Belichick party line, the Patriots will force "America's Team" to play from their heels. No cornerbacks for NE? No problem! They may not be perfect this season, but the bloodied nose received from last year's Super Bowl will provide more than enough motivation for the Pats to one-game-at-a-time it to another sparkly Super Bowl ring.