SATURDAY, SUNDAY: The North Beach Jazz Festival will land in Washington Square Park. Can you dig? And Union Street (from Stockton Street to Columbus Avenue) will be closed from 7:00 a.m., Saturday to 9:00 p.m., Sunday night. The following bus lines will be affected: 9X Bayshore Express, 30 Stockton, 39 Coit,and the 45 Union/Stockton. (Oh! We've never been on the 39 Coit. Is it as adorable as it sounds? Please advise.)

SUNDAY: Filthy queer sex party (think Folsom Street Fair with actual insertion) Up Your Alley Fair (i.e., Dore Alley Fair) happens from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. The following street closures will be necessary from 5 a.m. to 9 p.m.: Folsom Street from 9th Street to 11th Street, 10th Street from Howard Street to Harrison Street, Dore Street from Howard Street to Folsom Street, and the intersection of 10th Street and Folsom Street. And the bus lines that will, much like the fair's revelers, be tweaked? The 9 San Bruno, 12 Folsom, 19 Polk, 27 Bryant, and 47 Van Ness. Please plan accordingly.