There She Is, America’s Gay Bachelor 2008

Based on the three categories of “mind”, “body” and “soul” -- a tissue of lies! gay men have no soul! -- Rhode Island native and current San Francisco resident Abel Lima was recently named America’s Gay Bachelor 2008. (He's shockingly attractive, folks. The kind of guy you want to have hurt you while performing a sundry of assorted unsafe sex acts inside you. Don't believe us? Check him out here.) He was crowned by myPartner.com, some sort of online dating network. And according to Marke B. at SFBG, Lima won the title "after 35,000 big gay online votes (that's 350,000 in heterosexual votes!) and a live runoff in San Diego during Pride Week." And aside from bragging rights and several year's worth of underage tail, guess what Lima also scored? $25,000. Seriously. And we're totally jealous. But let's hope not all of it goes right up his picture-perfect nose. Here's to you, Lima!