Shooting at the Walls of Heartbreak

DAMNIT! If only orange didn't make our complexion look even more sallow and sickly than usual. Otherwise, we'd get our asses over to the glamorous Club Sport of San Ramon for next Saturday's Warrior Girls auditions.

We're giving you this information a whole week in advance NOT because today is a slooow news day, but because we want to make sure you sign up for their audition preparation classes (only 20 bucks!), where you'll get "an introduction to the Warrior Girls dance style." Man, that sounds fun, and we're only half kidding. Somebody who looks better in "half top and form fitting shorts" than we do go and report back, OK?

Where were we? Oh, yeah, audition details are all here, but we can't restrain ourselves from calling out some especially thrilling details:

• Knee pads are strongly recommended
• Tattoos and piercings are acceptable
• Warrior Girl duties include community service events

So, the next time you see folks in orange picking up trash by the highway, ask yourself: convict, or Warrior Girl?