• COMEDY: Even though she finds redheads atrocious, we still love us some Chelsea Handler. The comedienne, who's hosted several shows on E! and penned numerous books (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea), performs downtown tonight. Women want to be her, the gays want to want to go "Eeeeee!" over her, straight men want to hump her, dykes want to move in with her -- really, Handler has something for everyone.

  9 p.m. // Warfield (982 Market) // $29.50

• MUSIC: The annual music and fireworks inferno, KFOG KaBoom, happens tonight. If yuo can't check out the concert, try to catch a view of the fireworks show from almost any high altitude in SF, Treasure Island, and parts of Oakland. Los Lobos, Collective Soul, and Matt Nathanson perform. Show starts at 4 p.m.; fireworks blow up at dusk.

  4 p.m. // Piers 30/32, San Francisco // $15

• READING/DEATH MATCH: Jon Wolanske, Stephen Elliott, Michelle Richmond, Sean Finney, and Kurt Bodden will judge local literati Kirk Read, Tony DuShane, Andrew Lam, and Sam Hurwitt during tonight's extra-special (extra-special? See, this is why we would never win) Literary Death Match.

  7 p.m. // Rickshaw Stop (155 Fell) // $10 (admission price also gets you a copy of Opium6)

• COMEDY II: We almost forgot! Kids in the Hall perform tonight as well. "I'm crushing your head," etcetera, etcetera, and so forth.

  8 p.m. // War Memorial Opera House (301 Van Ness) // $29.50-$41.50

Image credit: Wikicommons