Man. For the second week in a row, "Top Chef" has really pissed us off. Not for the obvious reasons of losing our locals, but because it seems like the judges are making some really boneheaded decisions, and it's just annoying to watch.

Anyway, last week we lost Ryan, leaving Jennifer the last local standing. But for how long??

At Chez Chef, Twitchy McTwit was pleased "pretty boy" Ryan had left, while admitting the place had gotten a lot uglier with him gone. And lest you feared Jennifer was no longer "doing this for Zoi" the editors stuck another sound bite of Jennifer saying she was doing just that, while also stating she needed to be at the top of her game now that the competition has gone this far.

Quickfire Challenge. The chefs walked into a kitchen full of sweets and guest judge Johnny Iuzzini. Obviously the challenge would involve making a dessert, which in seasons past had proved to be the "Achilles heel" of many a chef, according to the Top Chef Cookbook hawking Padma; the winning chef would have a recipe published in the book. The whining began immediately with Antonia saying she has no experience with pastry cooking, and Lisa saying she had sworn she would never do a dessert in this competition. HATE HER AND HER GREASY HAIR SO MUCH. Fine. None of you are pastry chefs. But how hard is it to bake a damn good pie? Or whip up an interesting fruit dessert? Nothing is more disappointing than enjoying an awesome meal and then getting the dessert menu and seeing offerings of brownies and ice cream sundaes. If we see another goddamned ice cream sundae at a restaurant with entrees that are over 20 bucks a pop, we're gonna crack skulls.

But maybe that's just us.

Richard, the self-proclaimed "wit" (and there's nothing more annoying than a guy who tells you he's really "funny and weird") made "banana scallops" (because, apparently, bananas look like scallops) with guacamole and chocolate sauce. OK. We take it back. Maybe sundaes aren't so bad. Jennifer made a chocolate cake with frozen bananas dipped in chocolate. Dale made a shaved ice "halo-halo" with avocado, mango, kiwi, and nuts. Blergh. But Iuzzini liked Richard's, Dale's, and Lisa's desserts, and ultimately gave Richard the prize.

That night the chefs thought they'd be enjoying a lovely evening at Second City, but once they got there they realized it was part of their challenge. Lucky for us, none of them were required to get on stage and improvise, but their dishes were suggested by the audience in the form of colors, emotions, and food. Back at Chez Chef they picked teams. Mark and Nikki were Purple, Depressed, Bacon; Jen and Stephanie were Orange, Turned-On, Asparagus; Dale and Richard were Green, Perplexed, Tofu; Spike and Andrew were Yellow, Love, Vanilla; and, finally, Antonia and Lisa were Magenta, Drunk, Polish Sausage.

Sigh.

Neither Lisa nor Antonia wanted to cook with beer, and Lisa said she wasn't going to "dumb down her food" because of what some drunk guy screamed in the audience, so she wasn't going to cook Polish sausage. She hates Polish sausage. Polish sausage raped her grandmother. So they decided to cook SEA BASS and CHORIZO, even though Polish sausage WAS the assignment. They rationalized it as "improvisation." Oh, the hate. It is boiling!

Back in the kitchen some curve balls were thrown their way, like a fully set table in the kitchen, leading them to believe they'd be serving there, as well as the loss of all electrical equipment, which was especially tough on Twitchy and Spike, since they were finally making the BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP spike had wanted to make two challenges back. They later learned they'd actually be serving back at Chez Chef, so they had to pack, cart, and cook back home.

Dinner time! Our usual judges were accompanied by the Second City performers. First up was Yellow Vanilla Love's BUTTERNUT SQUASH SOUP, topped with vanilla creme fraiche. Everyone loved it. Loved the Vanilla Love. Next was Orange Turned-On Asparagus. Jen seemed to take the whole "turned-on" thing a little far, composing the bread, asparagus and goat cheese as phallically as possible, and presenting more double entendres than should ever be uttered in mixed company. Alas, most people didn't like the bread, and thought there was way too much going on on the plate. Green Perplexed Tofu was next with Richard's meat infused tofu and Dale's fried eggplant and green curry. It was a hit. Drunk Magenta Polish Sausage was next, and Lisa and Antonia presented their Polish sausage-free entree with shots of tequila. FOR THEMSELVES ONLY. Those two just don't have a clue. Purple Depressed Bacon's pork loin with sweet potatoes, grape sauce, and brussels sprouts was last, and was another hit.

Judging time! Teams Andrew and Spike, and Richard and Dale were the tops, with Dale and Richard getting the win. The bottom two were Antonia and Lisa, and Stephanie and Jen. Antonia and Lisa were both called out for not including Polish sausage in the dish, with both of them saying they hate Polish sausage and would never deign to serve it. Tom Colicchio told them it may sound like they're up there because of a "technicality," but that's all they have to go on because both of the dishes were good. Remember that. He said both dishes were good.

On to Jen and Stephanie. Tom didn't like that the goat cheese was front and center, not the asparagus. No one liked the bread, saying it was hard to cut, and too big, and ultimately the dish lacked "finesse." Back in the holding pantry, Lisa again went off on the drunken idiots who shouted out "Polish sausage" at the comedy club. Yeah! It's all their fault! Hate. Her.

They were called back, and both teams were taken to task for not focusing on the main ingredients of their lists, namely Polish sausage and asparagus. But, even though Jen and Stephanie actually USED asparagus in their dish, they were given the loss, with Jen told to pack her knives and go.

Utter bullshit. We're not going to get nutty and scream "anti-San Francisco snobbery!" because we don't believe that has anything to do with it. But we just can't understand what the judges were thinking these past two weeks. We're kind of sick of it, and being that the only two people left on the show that don't bug the hell out of us are Mark and Stephanie, we're not sure we can be bothered anymore. We'll see what this week brings...