SFist Watches: Your Locals On Reality TV, Pt. 1

Later there was some brouhaha about the phone, and how Whitney didn't tell Dominique it was her time for the phone, so Dominique didn't get to talk to her kid, and therefore Whitney is racist. And it all ended with Whitney screaming for Saran Wrap. Srsly.

Tyra Crawl part deux. The girls need to "bring it to the center and work." Vendela met the models in Brooklyn where a bunch of trannies and hot messes were voguing and posing. The challenge had them breaking into teams for a posing battle. Marvita commented that Dominique did a good job because...uh...she's kind of a like a drag queen. Love it. Marvita apparently doesn't have ENOUGH drag queen in her, because she sucked. Her team saved her, though, and they all won a trip to a swag tent. Claire, being the best on the team, won a trip to Bora Bora.

Back at the loft, Marvita shared a 40 with Aimee, much the the chagrin of Fatima, who deemed Marvita a child. Later, Marvita had a bit of a self-confidence crisis, confessing she knows nothing about modeling. Then the Tyra Crawl said something about coats, and really, it's difficult to listen to those girls reading that crawl, so most of the time, we just tune it the hell out and wait to see where they end up...Which in this case was at a photo shoot that would have them posing for close ups while covered in paint. Coated, as it were...Huh? Marvita's crisis of confidence followed her to the shoot, much to the delight of Fatima.

Panel time. Tyra questioned Marvita's investment in the show, and Paulina and Vendela disagreed about her photo; Paulina liked it, Vendela didn't. It was kind of a depressing shot...

Turns out Marvita had reason to be depressed, because she is no longer in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model. Ahhhh, nuts. In her exit interview she insisted she wasn't going to give up. She said she was going to keep knocking on doors until someone answers, so if she comes knocking on your San Francisco door, open the damn thing up!

Which brings us to "The Bachelor." Oh, "The Bachelor." This year the horny gentleman romantic looking for love is named Matt Grant, and he is 27 and British (and single). He's pretty good looking, has OK teeth, and to those who dig the accent, he's probably totally dreamy. He's also a banker, which for reasons that probably don't make any empirical sense, immediately brings up images of upper class twits in our heads.

There's no way to keep track of all the chicks this early in the game--er, show--so we'll just concentrate on local girls Amy and Tiffany. We're adding blonde Amy, who is from Stockton--close enough--because she had a most awesome introduction to Matt in which she stepped out of the limo, did a spin so he could see the full horror that was her turquoise gown/bikini top, and then held out her hand for him to kiss. She then made him spin and told him he had a nice bum. Brunette Tiffany, in a much nicer dress, told him he looked sharp, and when she told him she'd just moved to San Francisco, he immediately called it "San Fran" and told her he wants to "get one of those trans." WHAT? He wants a tranny? The hell? Tiffany played along and told him she'd take him. SHE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR A ROSE!

As for the other girls, there were, as usual, a lot in the pharmaceutical sales profession, as well as one hot dog vendor, which is all kinds of awesome. Not to mention the girl in a full on sari, complete with a bindi. And no, she wasn't Indian.

The women proceeded to get drunk, as is the first episode way. A lot of the women threw bad English accents at him, and he returned the favor with a bad American accent. One girl arm wrestled him (he let her win), and another tried to impress him by biting a beer can in half. That was less embarrassing than the chick who wrote a song and then sang it for him. But none of that was as painful as watching the girl with the clarinet whip it out, prep for about 10 minutes, and then play a tune. And all this seemed to happen BEFORE everyone got drunk. Well, not before Stacey got drunk. She was apparently drunk the entire time. She spent most of the evening swearing, telling Matt she has a degree in nutrition, stuffing panties in his pockets, and insisting the most interesting things in London are the Priuses. And then she passed out on a mattress in the bathroom (yes, the bathroom). RAD.

As for our girls Amy and Tiffany, they didn't make big enough impressions to get the coveted First Impression Rose, but when it came down to the Rose Ceremony, Amy got one, but Tiffany did not. Guess Matt won't be getting that "trans" after all.

Truth be told, Matt seems to be a lot better than most of the lugs that have graced seasons past. Any guy that humps red phone boxes while pretending to dance like Michael Jackson can't be all bad, right?