Deep breath. Wow. Jesus. Okay, here we go:

Well, it seems that Greanpeace and UC Berkeley student organizers will host an, um, "Toilet-Trees" event on Sproul Plaza on the UCB campus tomorrow, Thursday, from 10 a.m. - 2 p.m. Why? To alert the student body of the clear-cutting practices of Kleenex Brand's parent company, Kimberly-Clark.

What is a "toilet-trees" event? We....oh God, is it what we think it is? The press release, which you can find after the jump, proudly declares that "[t]here will be great visuals and photo opportunities!" So...will be people be urinating and defecating in public? Under a tree? In plain view? Please advise. Someone. Anyone.

While there is clearly no one more green and environmentally astute than SFist, college students need all the assistance they can get in maintaining proper physical hygiene. (Really, most of these kids hardly know how to wipe themselves properly -- not because they're "hippies," but because they're dirty teenagers.) We can't get behind anything that might steer them away from pristine cleanliness.

Now, please excuse us. We need to go bathe in a tub of bleach.

Update: Whew. We just talked to GP, and there will be no public defecation and/or urination. It's simply a public display of "trees being flushed down toilets" -- a symbolic event, if you will, about clear-cutting. So..there you have it. (Although we must admit, pooping would be much more effective.)

We're still taking a dip in some Clorox, though.