SFist Watches: The Superbowl Ads
Programming note: Last week's "Project Runway" was a rerun, so there will be no Locals recap this week. But take note: This Thursday at 8 p.m. on CBS is the premiere of "Survivor: Micronesia - Fans Vs. Favorites," which brings local legend Yau-Man Chan back to the game. Next Monday we'll see how both our local boys did.
We found it difficult to tear ourselves away from the "Puppy Bowl" and turn the channel to the Superbowl, but since we were going to skip through all that boring game stuff and just watch the commercials, we figured it wouldn't be too painful. Keep in mind, though, that since we've got TiVo, this is about the only time during the year we actually do watch commercials. Because of that we might not be able to tell whether these Superbowl ads were actually any better or worse than what's on TV on a nightly basis. But we'll still feel free to criticize nonetheless.
We're not sure just when in the broadcast of the million dollar spots actually starts. Pre-national anthem? Post? After the first kick-off? So we'll just start with the first commercial that was remotely funny and go on from there. Bud Light and its added fire-breathing features. That screaming cat noise gets us every time...Following that was another take on the old horse's-head-in-the-bed scene from The Godfather. In this case it had something to do with a luxury car taking revenge on another luxury car. Or something. Really, the most clever thing about the ad is the actor who plays the screaming sleeper was actually in The Godfather, as Moe Greene, the guy who gets shot in the eye while getting a massage...
Moving on. Next we have an ad for Diet Pepsi MAX. What? Is calling something EXTREME too cliche now? Anyway, it was kind of amusing, although, seriously. A Night at the Roxbury and a really old SNL sketch as reference? Is that MAX comedy?...Next: Under Armour? Who? What?
OK. Finally! Here's one that had us cracking up. Bridgestone and some screaming animals. (And much better than the screaming Richard Simmons version.)
It seems Angelina Jolie is back to looking bad-ass again, after her failed attempt to win an Oscar by acting foreign and noble. Also, who knew you could change and properly aim the trajectory of a bullet by flinging your guy around?...GoDaddy? Go away.
FedEx finally enters the realm, with an ad featuring giant pigeons. Pretty funny, but not as good as previous years' offerings. (We still like the one featuring Burt Reynolds getting kicked in the crotch by a bear.)
Ah-ha! Another funny one, this one from Tide, of all things.
Did anyone find that Budweiser Clydesdale horse spot touching? Or funny?...And we're as excited about Iron Man as any other comic book nerd, but doesn't he look kind of...fake when he's in the full-on suit?...More cars and animals: A combo that always seems to deliver. In this case it's a Toyota Corolla and some badgers...
We really hope Leatherheads is funny because George Clooney is about the only guy who could get us to watch a movie about football...Are we just too American to appreciate the ad for something called Garmin, featuring an appearance by Napoleon?
That CareerBuilder.com ad featuring a chest-bursting heart was a tad...disturbing...Naomi Campbell and dancing lizards. What. The. Hell?...Bud Light and Carlos Mencia. Again. Year after year. When will the horror end?
Prince Caspian. Could we be any more indifferent?...If that Planters Nuts ad was funnier, we might be able to look past the fact that it's kind of offensive. But actually, it's not even clever enough to be called offensive. It's just plain dull.
One thing we enjoy even more than dancing around in our underwear while listening to Justin Timberlake: Watching him get tossed around and beat the hell up.
Comcast thinks seeing a guy having dinner with his disco-music-spewing mother will convince you to get digital cable...Omigod, we're two hours into this thing, and it's only now half-time? How does anyone survive this nightmare without the ability to fast forward?? Especially when the halftime show features Tom Petty!!
OK. With that out of the way, back to the commercials. This is the second ad for Salesgenie.com, and they just seem to be getting worse...Is there a commercial featuring some kind of caveman during every Superbowl?... Carmen Electra? What the hell has she done for us lately?..Pixar uses Buzz and Woody to help sell their upcoming film Wall-E. A good or a bad sign?...Speaking of movies, we can not wait to ignore the release of Jumper!...Oh no! Another talking baby commercial! Did we learn nothing from Baby Bob?? (Although, the second one was actually kinda funny.)
What appears to be the first overtly sexual ad of the evening features the Jack in the Box head in a jacuzzi with some swingers. HOTT...Cloverfield has nothing on the terror that is the sight of a giant Stewie going on a rampage above the streets of New York....Finally, what might be the most disturbing ad of the night: Bill Frist and James Carville on a date.
Dogs are funny...and kinda gross...Will Ferrell is funny...and kinda gross...Are we through yet?? Apparently not. There's still time for one more hot woman in lingerie...Followed by, OMIGOD, a fat guy who puts jumper cable on his nipples. We are so not kidding about that! And we so wish we were!
OK. It looks like someone actually won the game because there's confetti raining down on the field, making our TiVo recording look all pixelated. Does that mean the last Superbowl commercial we got to see was of a greasy, fat guy dancing around in nipple clamps?
Yes. That does apparently seem to be the case. And we can think of no better summation of this year's batch of ads...What did you think?