Danielle Steele, Vanessa & Bill Getty, Trevor & Alexis Traina, and Serge & Tatiana Sorokko are wealthier than you, punk.

"A San Francisco family is looking for a personal assistant / household manager to join our team on a long term basis." Are you that someone?

But wait, there's more: in addition to joining a family that refers to themselves as a "team," you--a "highly poised, polished, professional, and articulate" cad--will also conduct interviewing, hiring, firing, scheduling, resolving issues, and performance reviews of all household staff; be able to make all bill payments through Quicken (heh); act a grease monkey to their many fine automobiles; help their little brats out at school; assist in the maintenance of organization throughout household (i.e., labeling and organizing CDs, toy-bins, pantry, garage, storage locker etc.); make numerous trips to the pharmacy under an alias (we'll assume), and be this Marina/Cow Hollow clan's self-starting doormat.

And all this and more must be accomplished between a tight 15 to 20 hour week schedule. A firm grasp of reality, it seems, is not a qualification.

But the questions remains: whose family will you get to be a part of? Whose children born into what dynasty will get to call you "mom" or "dad" until you're fired for dipping into the Xanax jar or blowing papa in the conservatory? All these questions and more can be found out if you apply here. We're hoping it's a gig for Vanessa; otherwise, you're pretty much screwed.

For the full CL ad, follow the jump.

Personal Assistant / House Manager (marina / cow hollow) Reply to: tonismorgan@yahoo.com Date: 2008-01-22, 2:13PM PST

A San Francisco family is looking for a personal assistant / household manager to join our team on a long term basis. The position involves handling a high volume of logistics and scheduling for a family and full staff. He/she will be expected to serve as the team leader and coordinator of all things related to the household, the children and employer. The position is best suited for someone who is highly poised, polished, professional, and articulate who has experience working in a home. Hours are generally split between time at a desk working on the computer & in-box todo’s and running around doing errands or household tasks. This position is part time (15 to 20hours) per week: Monday and Thursday at the home and additional hours outside the home. Strong experience as an executive assistant/ personal assistant is a must.

Duties
• Management of all household staff (nannies primarily): interviewing, hiring, firing, scheduling, resolving issues, performance reviews etc..
• Make all bill payments through quicken & print out monthly budget reports
• Personal errands
• Sift through, organize and prioritize a high volume of invitations, mail & correspondence
• Maintenance of all cars (filling tanks, getting washed, keeping registration & stickers up to date, scheduling and overseeing repairs)
• Large photo projects
• Maintaining employers’ calendar appointments and social arrangements
• Occasional emergency babysitting
• Schedule & supervise household maintenance (carpet cleaners, plumbers etc)
• Helping out at kids schools (doing occasional shifts at fundraising events, etc..)
• Help maintain organization throughout household: periodically labeling and organizing CD’s, toy-bins, pantry, garage, storage locker etc…)
• Anticipate and help prepare for holidays, parties and special events
• Be generally available to work outside of normal hours and able to answer phone most always when employer calls.

Qualifications:
• Demonstrated long-term experience as high-level executive assistant and/or personal assistant in a busy multi-staff household.
• Extensive computer skills including Microsoft Office (including Outlook, Word, and Excel); Adobe photo; Quicken
• Outstanding references
• Excellent English speaking and writing skills a must
• Travel arrangement experience
• Strong research skills
• PC Lap top, cell phone and car
• Live in San Francisco or southern Marin
• Must be able to be flexible and available at a moment’s notice
• 4 year College degree preferred
• Candidate must be able & willing to make a 3 year commitment

Personal Qualities:
• Self motivated to continue to improve without prompting
• Extremely detail oriented
• Enthusiastic about new challenges
• A task master
• Able to be 2 steps ahead of employer in anticipating needs
• Not easily flustered with constant last minute changes
• Extremely professional with excellent boundaries
• Perfectionist!
• Can respond to feedback and take direction well
• Exceptionally trust worthy and loyal
• Great coordination and multi-tasking skills
• able to maintain equilibrium under stress
• Willingness to do whatever it takes & generally eager to please.
• consistently positive and upbeat disposition

How to Apply: ONLY RESUMES WITH COVER LETTERS WILL BE CONSIDERED. PLEASE INCLUDE RESUME IN BODY OF EMAIL (NO ATTACHMENTS). Email letter of introduction with hourly wage requirement to tonismorgan@yahoo.com.