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Today In Stupid Real Estate Marketing
We were idiots this morning and clicked on a Google ad this morning for The Hayes, that new condo building on Page near Market. We bike past it nearly every morning, and we were curious as to what it looked like inside. When the window popped up, we were immediately irritated because an idiotic faux-cool downtempo ambient electronic track started randomly playing - we couldn't find a mute button on the site because it waited about a minute before popping up a little player window.
A player? In a real estate site? In our ideal world Real estate sites should show us what the place would look like were we to live in there instead of the kind of relaxing music that makes us want to go Lizzie Borden. Even better - sometimes the player doesn't appear, and you have to close your browser window to shut it up. Ugh. We hate this website. And now we hate the condo building.
Why? Follow us after the jump!
- Artificially fragmented sentences: "Hayes Valley is a neighborhood. And it’s unlike any other you’ve ever known."
- Sentences that, when actually read, make no sense: "Most of all, Hayes Valley is a one-of-a-kind neighborhood you can make your own. Because the best way to fit in, is to not fit in at all."
- Bad copyediting: "Heller Manus has recently completed several projects in San Francisco including The Metrolpolitan, 199 New Montomery and the renovation of city hall." What is this Metrolpolitan? Can we buy one?
- No photos of the interior. We could only find "tours" in Quicktime or Windows Media. Slow, stupid.
- The phrase "sleek bamboo flooring." Why on earth would you want your floors to be aerodynamic? Are they bat-floors that turn into an attack jet with missiles? Because that would make a cool condo. Imagine the dinner parties we could throw!
And did we mention the pop-up Om Records random tune player? Hey, rich guys behind the Hayes - you've managed to make us hate you a lot, and because we have nowhere near the money we'd need to move into your development, we're taking our revenge by ranting about your website on another website! Don't you feel pwned? pwn3d?
Pic from the Hayes website, and it makes no sense because there's little people on the balconies, and the building isn't done yet, which means that the picture is fake!