December 14, 2007
Locked Out in the City: What to Do?
We came back from taking down the recycling yesterday evening to find we had locked ourselves out of our apartment. "Noooo!!" [Insert Emo Darth Vader ballad here. Warning -- audio.] We dialed the apartment manager on the call-box but got his voice mail. Lucky for us, the manager, who wouldn't be back until 10:00, called our s.o., who wouldn't be back until 8:00, and our s.o. called our friend who lives a few blocks away. So, instead of being forced to sit on our lobby stairs all night, uncomfortably greeting all of our neighbors, we were soon whisked away and served pasta, wine, and a couple of episodes of the BBC version of "Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares."
We lucked out this time, but it got us thinking, What would we do if there is a next time we find ourselves out of our abode with no keys, [update] no money, no phone, no coat, and a few hours to kill until someone showed up to rescue our sorry butts?
Our boring list is below, in order of plausibility. We're hoping some people out there might have better suggestions.
1. Head to the library or the nearest bookstore and read for a few hours.
2. Wander around the city aimlessly -- last night was somewhat bearable without a coat.
3. Window shop/people watch at the mall. Union Square would be good this time of year.
4. Find some art openings. First Thursdays would be the ideal time to get locked out -- you'll be set!
5. Pretend you're a student and crash a lecture.
6. Stand in the aisles of Blockbuster or Hollywood Video and watch whatever movie's playing all night, which would really creep them out.
7. Sneak onto Muni and ride around for a few hours.
8. Hang out at a bar and act slutty in order to get drinks bought for you.
9. Find some pennies and make a peace sign on the sidewalk.
10. Find a cardboard box and take a nap, or do some breakdancing if you can't sleep.
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Or you could break in to your place. I lived in an old 2 story on 22nd and 'bama and got locked out more than a few times. Fortunately our old ass windows had been painted so much that you couldn't keep them locked. I would hop up on the gate by the house and use my foot to kick the window up. Then I had to use the vine of illegal cable wires to help me swing over feet first through the window. Worked like a charm. I acutally learned that trick from a former roomate/methhead who'd make unannounced entries on occasion.
So actually if you're locked out of your place in the city you might want to find your local drug addict and pay him to break in to your place. Oh, and then get new window locks unless you want your new tweeker friend to come back for your tv.
Leave a set of keys with a trusted neighbour.
True story...some girl who lived in my building years ago locked herself out because she was in the laundry room, wanted to wash the jeans she was wearing but didn't want to run up to her apartment and change. She stripped down and threw them in the washer, hoping to run back upstairs unnoticed...only to realize too late that her keys were in her pocket, which was now in the machine, which locked after it started.
So, if you get locked out, look on the bright side...it could be worse!
True story...some girl who lived in my building years ago locked herself out because she was in the laundry room, wanted to wash the jeans she was wearing but didn't want to run up to her apartment and change. She stripped down and threw them in the washer, hoping to run back upstairs unnoticed...only to realize too late that her keys were in her pocket, which was now in the machine, which locked after it started.
So, if you get locked out, look on the bright side...it could be worse!
this is why you give keys to a friend, preferably one who lives near a bar you like (in case they're not home of course)
Take BART to SFO and steal some expensive looking luggage.
They often have oodles of luggage sitting around waiting for people who got bumped to later flights.