December 11, 2007
Eight Things We Learned About Hanukkah
As the last night of Hanukkah approaches, we would like to take this opportunity to reflect on this past week's Jewy events and provide a few tidbits of what we shiksas have learned from this year's celebration.
1. Hanukkah has multiple spellings: Hanukkah, Hanukka, Chanuka, and Chanukah.
2. It's important to double check (using a calendar, not a person) which is the actual first night of Hanukkah. We accidentally lit our first candles on Monday, December 3rd. Whoops. Sorry, Maccabees.
3. If you received a menorah as a gift from your in-laws, be sure the count the candles included in the box they gave with the menorah. If the box seems to be missing any candles for whatever reason [insert tasteless yet funny Jewish joke here], buy some more. You'll need 44 total, according to our mathematically-inclined sources.
4. Firefly makes some damn good latkes. They also do a lovely job of continuing dinner service during a power outage.
5. Not every non-Jew lady likes being called a shiksa. Apparently, it's offensive or something... We think it's rad and love our shiksa-goddess status.
6. The phrase "Heebie Jeebies" is NOT anti-semitic at all. So get over it. Jeez. (Heh.)
7. Hanukkah is all about latkes and macaroons. The entree is SO over. See ya, brisket.
8. Hanukkah is the new black.
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There is a male equivalent of the term shiksa, I understand it is called shaygetz. This is why my screen name on JDate is ShayGetzAction.
Sure, I date Jewish women whenever I can... once I even gifelt'er up on the first date!
Deb, just wait until you hear "shiksa" when your boyfriend's mother whispers it furiously to her son in a stage whisper designed for you to overhear. Bitch brought me to tears...
I have also been told that the terms shiksa/shaygetz are so dirty and disrespectful that "a real jew would never them."
Color me turned on.
... and yet Brock couldn't make it to my Goldie Hawnukkah party ;(
hanukkah is the new entire color wheel.