October 25, 2007
It's Got to Be the Morning Afternoon After
Here's a few sports stories to get you through the bleakness of the Rox/Sox World Series
-49ers QB Alex Smith will definitely be the starting QB this Sunday, somewhat of a coincidence considering the team they're playing, the Saints, are not known for having nearly as an intimidating defense as the Giants. What is still to left to be seen, however, is how will the supposed 49ers' attempt at Offense 2.0 will go with Smith QBing instead of Trent Dilfer. One thing has already changed, though-- Smith has followed the example of Nolan and grown a goatee. We checked with Football Outsiders, the football equivalent of the Baseball Prospectus, and noticed that Quarterbacks actually drip about five points in QB ratings when adding facial hair (the vaunted PPPB stat: Pass Percentage Per Beard), otherwise known as the Jake Plummer effect.
-The Raiders starting QB this week will be Daunte Culpepper. Or Jake McNown. Or even JaMarcus Russell. Nobody knows and Long-Balls Lane ain't saying, so for now, just call the Raiders QB JaMarcus McPepper. This is either a brilliant attempt at subterfuge or Kiffin can't make a decision.
-Barry gave a big talk last night at the Commonwealth Club and sounds like he's still holding out to reconcile with the Giants. As he pointed out, he's still better than whomever the Giants have now in LF which might just be true. Seriously, this whole Giants/Bonds thing is turning into the Ross and Rachel of baseball.
-Apparently, A's owner Lew Wolff has publically announced that he is going to hold his breath until Fremont agrees to build him a stadium. When somebody brought up sticking around in Oakland, he just laughed and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more.
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Hey, who's that guy in the picture? Some baseball player?
Whatever, the goal of the Giants is not to win games, it's to sell tickets. Usually winning games helps, but if you have a player as universally hated as Barry Bonds on your team, sometimes it's better to take a few more losses to get some fan goodwill back.
5 million? For another year of Barry? Done. But, some provisos:
1) No more recliner. Your locker is the one next to Rajai Davis.
2) You play when Bochy says you play. That means you're in uniform, in the dugout, until the end of the 9th. By the time you leave the stadium, not only has the fat lady sung, but she's soaking her corns and unwinding with a wine cooler.
3) Fulfillment of a predetermined "goodwill quota". This will consist of, but not be limited to, events spent with fans. It will be an effort to somehow countermand your legacy of steadfast shitheadedness to the fanbase, the organization, the world.
4) Any indictments (hell, any legal action whatsoever) from governmental parties terminates your employment and voids the remaining salary obligations.
5) Two words: day games. You're tired? Worn? Can't hack a noon starting time? We have a cure for that. It's called retirement.
Too strict? Then keep walking, Flaxeed. See how your routine flies in the American League. And good luck with all that.