Hey, do you like to relieve yourself in public? If so, "urine" luck! The golden-shower-loving perverts at the Department of Public Works just denied the dangerous lunatics calling themselves Citizens for Halloween a permit for portable toilets, so you're going to have to make do with the neighbors' bushes, local storefronts, and taxis. Or you could just dress up as Louis Leakey and tell people it's all part of the costume.

Apparently you can't have a port-o-let unless the street's officially closed, and the DPW wasn't willing to recognize that anything remarkable could possibly happen in the Castro on Halloween. The citizens will be appealing the decision, of course. But the appeals process takes two weeks, for some disgusting reason, and we can't even imagine what kind of state their bladders will be in by the end of it.

Meanwhile, the Police Commission has figured out that the impending disaster that is Bevan's Great Pumpkin Clusterfuck cannot possibly be stopped, and will probably be blamed on them: so they meet tonight, at City Hall, in Room 400, to sit in a corner and sob. Oh and also to present their plan for mitigating as much damage as possible. We suggest they start by printing up a half-ton of citations for public urination. There'll be time at tonight's meeting for public input -- and we think we know precisely the kind of input you'd like to give them.