First off, yes, the season premiere of "House" is on Fox tonight at 9 p.m., preceded by the season premiere of "Bones" at 8 p.m. And no, we don't watch either one of those shows. And yes, we understand a lot of people are crazy about "House." But no, we still aren't going to watch it.

We also aren't going to watch CBS's premieres of "NCIS" at 8 p.m., "The Unit" at 9 p.m., or the series premiere of "Cane" at 10 p.m. That last one won't be watched because we already saw it, and it's not something we'd need to watch again. Or next week either, most likely. The drama stars Jimmy Smits as a sugarcane/rum mogul who lives his life like it's a Godfather movie--or at least an episode of "Dallas"--complete with warring families and shocking murders conducted after family gatherings. It also features Polly Walker, a British actress, sporting the worst Southern accent we have ever been subjected to, and we've watched "The Closer." Sorry, we just Cane't.

ABC has the season premiere of "Boston Legal" at 10 p.m., which we also won't be watching, while NBC has the incredibly unwatchable "The Singing Bee" at 9:30 p.m. Also on NBC is the "Law & Order: SVU" premiere at 10 p.m. but the only "Law & Order" we watch is "Criminal Intent," which isn't premiering until October.

Which leads us to the CW and the premiere of "Reaper" at 9 p.m., a show we most definitely will be watching, despite the fact that the pilot will have the stench of Kevin Smith all over it. (He directed it.) Alas, we weren't able to squeeze into the giant ballroom at Comic-Con when they screened the pilot (or more accurately, we weren't willing to wait in line for three hours for the privilege), and we also weren't able to snag a screener copy of it, so we are basing this recommendation purely on buzz, the cast, and some YouTube clips. If you don't want to be spoiled about any aspects of the plot, we suggest you don't watch the following promo.

We really liked the short-lived Fox sitcom "The Loop," and its star Bret Harrison, who plays the (literally) soulless slacker here, and we've loved Ray Wise (who plays Satan) since his appearance in the movie Swamp Thing (although he's probably best known for playing Laura Palmer's father on "Twin Peaks.") Despite the similarities to "Chuck" (slacker who lives with family and works in a giant retail store gains an awesome power), we're thinking this one might be the better of the two. Ultimately, the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" vibe exhibited by "Reaper" just appeals to us more than the Computer Wore Tennis Shoes vibe of "Chuck." (Whoa. What did we just pull that reference out of?)