Abandoned kids, wannabe models, sitcom groaners, socialite teens, and a screaming Brit. It must be Wednesday!

Firstly, we have CBS's "Kid Nation," at 8 p.m., in which a bunch of kids are thrown into a western ghost town and forced to drink bleach. Or something. Shockingly, the notion that children were put into harm's way for the sake of a reality television program has raised the ire of local officials and some of the kids' parents. The same parents who signed waivers stating that CBS would not be held liable if their kid were to get pregnant, catch a venereal disease, or DIE while working on the show. Who cares if your kid comes home with herpes? Or dead? They'll be on national TV! Alas, this ridiculousness is another reality show that won't be getting the locals treatment as apparently there were no Bay Area stage moms or dads who were willing to hand over their kids to a dangerous TV show, (or at least none whose kids were actually picked for it).

If you prefer your reality fare more "Blam! Blam!" and "fierce," then tune in to the CW at 8 p.m. for the season premiere of "America's Next Top Model." We're totally bummed that there are no San Francisco gals this season, but we'll still be watching. The show is moving back to New York this time, which is good. L.A. just never seemed to have the same "high fashion" feel as New York. Or maybe it's just been the low-fashion selection of girls of late. Also, apparently Tyra lost a bunch of weight after telling all those people who were calling her fat that they could kiss her FAT ASS. You go girl! Go on with your wishy washy self!

After ANTM is the premier of "Gossip Girl," a show based on a popular series of teen books that we've never heard of. We were big fans of "The O.C.", though (well, the first season at least) and Josh Schwartz, that show's creator, is responsible for this similarly-themed teen show. Welcome to the N.Y., bitch! Despite Schwartz's knack for witty banter, awesome soundtracks, and pop culture references galore, we kind of think we're way out of the demo for this one, and imagine it will really have to blow us away if we're going to make it a regular Wednesday night thing.

Over on Fox is the premiere of its new sitcom, "Back to You" starring Patricia Heaton and Kelsey Grammer. Just typing that sentence has filled us with inertia. We can't think of a sitcom we'd like to watch less. Oh wait, yes we can. It's called "'Til Death," and its season premiere is right after "Back to You"! We'll keep the TiVo off Fox until 9 p.m when Gordon Ramsey's "Kitchen Nightmares" premieres. Most American viewers know Ramsey from his stroke-inducing histrionics on "Hell's Kitchen," but if you've seen the British version of "Kitchen Nightmares" you'll know that Ramsey is not all bile and bluster. He approaches these failing restaurants with much compassion and genuine concern for their success--but he won't hold his tongue if he thinks their menus are crap or if the head chef is a twat. We're huge fans of the original show, but fear Fox will insist on the spittin' angry version of Ramsey America is used to. If that's the case, be sure to check out the original "Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares" on BBC America instead.