September 6, 2007
American Football Spectacular: Your Complete 2007 NFL Regular Season Guesstimate
Thank goodness. Let the blessed distraction begin.
For just a little while, there there be kickoffs and touchdowns and the illusion of a level playing field.
Tonight, it's time for the National Football League's 2007 regular season to begin. Wonderful.
So, here's how we think it'll go.
In this preview, each division's teams are ranked in order of their predicted finish from first to last. Then, musical acts from each NFL team's area are presented in the same order. Read that over again before reacting: we're not ranking the music, just the NFL teams.
And you? Agree? Disagree? Confused? That's what the comment section is for. Let's talk. We can suss this out.
Please note, there will only be bands from New Jersey representing the "New York" franchises due to the NJ location of Giants Stadium at The Meadowlands. Simple as that.
Image of wintry goalposts via NFL.com: "General view of goal posts during a snowy Monday Night Football game between the Green Bay Packers and the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Field in Seattle, Washington on November 27, 2006. Photo by Kirby Lee /WireImage"
As always, all predictions are guaranteed by American Football Spectacular to have been made with the best of intentions, and no real surety.
O, football; we're glad that you're back. The predictions commence after the jump.
AFC East:
New England; New York Jets; Buffalo; Miami.
Pixies; The Bouncing Souls; Ani DiFranco; Gloria Estefan.
AFC North:
Baltimore; Cincinnati; Pittsburgh; Cleveland.
Dan Deacon; Bootsy Collins; Anti-Flag; The Black Keys.
AFC South:
SFist Eve's Indianapolis Colts; Jacksonville; Tennessee; Houston.
Margot And The Nuclear So And So's; Limp Bizkit; Dolly Parton; Paul Wall.
AFC West:
San Diego; Denver; Oakland; Kansas City.
Hot Snakes; Winger; Neurosis; Burt Bacharach.
NFC East:
Dallas; Philly; The New York American Football Giants; Washington DC.
Meat Loaf; Armalite; The Dillinger Escape Plan; The Evens.
NFC North:
Chicago; Minnesota; Green Bay; Detroit.
The Arrivals; Dillinger Four; Rev. Norb; The White Stripes.
NFC South:
New Orleans; Carolina; Tampa Bay; Atlanta.
Preservation Hall Jazz Band; Superchunk; Cannibal Corpse; MF DOOM.
NFC West:
San Francisco; Seattle; St. Louis; Arizona.
Me First And The Gimme Gimmes; Modest Mouse; Nelly; Jimmy Eat World.
Image of Ed Reed via baltimoresun.com. Caption: Baltimore's Ed Reed comes up with a third quarter interception against the Dallas Cowboys. (Sun photo by David Hobby / November 21, 2004)
Most Valuable Player: QB Peyton Manning, IND
Coach Of The Year: Eric Mangini, NYJ
Defensive Player Of The Year: FS Ed Reed, BAL
Offensive Player Of The Year: QB Peyton Manning, IND
Defensive Rookie Of The Year: LB Patrick Willis, SF
Offensive Rookie Of The Year: WR Calvin Johnson, DET
AFC Championship Game: Baltimore at New England
NFC Championship Game: Dallas at Chicago
Super Bowl XLII: After surviving a January game in New England, the Baltimore Ravens will utilize their powerful defense to bat about the Dallas Cowboys and handily take Super Bowl XLII.
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first QB set on fire? the Sex Cannon.
you know it's gonna happen. even though we love him so.
Well, it looks like "Margot and the Nuclear So and Sos" owned the Preservation Hall Jazz Band tonight.
This Wisconsinite recognizes your obscure Green Bay reference. Well done!
-Chris
Well, since you found Jersey bands for the Giants and Jets, why didn't you also find bands from Irving Texas (home of the "Dallas" Cowboys), Landover Maryland (home of the "Washington" Redskins), and Orchard Park New York (Home of the "Buffalo" Bills). And when you write this post in 5 years, will you find a band from Santa Clara, future home of the "San Francisco" 49ers?
Love the team-band format. As much as I'd love to see the niners back on top, I'm not ready to believe the hype yet. They've put together an awesome collection of young talent, and I can't wait to see how they play, but I've got a bunch of worries:
The run defense got shredded regularly in the preseason. Hopefully B.Y. and Marques Douglas will be able to turn that around, but the 2nd string defensive line doesn't look so hot. Smith looked awesome at times, but the starting offense had some ugly moments in the preseason. I think my biggest concern is the coaching staff. Nolan choked pretty hard a few times last year (4th and inches, anyone?), and bringing in offensive and defensive coordinators with zero experience doesn't help. I'm worried that the coaching staff is going to choke in crucial moments. But if they straighten all that out, there's no reason they can't take the mediocre NFC West.
Guest commenter #4:
Y'know what? That's a grand idea. Listen, I'm-a research that up and I'll get back to you. Oh, and the 49ers' current ownership is too inept to get that Santa Clara thing done, or anything stadium thing done. It's disheartening contrasted with all the good things Nolan has done on-the-field.
One positive thing that springs unbidden to mind about Santa Clara is the "Chicken U / Cluck U" restaurant over by campus. Mmmm, sauce...
Jeremy__notSFist:
Frankly, I think the Seahawks have reached a overload point with Mike Holmgren, much as the Steelers did last year with Cowher -- he's been there too long, and all is burned out. SEA will get their wins, but I expect the Niners to split the series with them this year... in which case there's no reason at all that SF couldn't take the division. Can you hear me sigh as I typed out that last sentence? I'm trying to be realistically optimistic about this season. I think it's within reach, but the Niners will have to make that step. And I hope they do.
And preseason run defense? What run defense? I agree with your assertion -- the D-line looked very very thin. Boy, we'd better hope that Aubrayo Franklin is a Ted-Washington/Casey-Hampton-type NT. Sopoaga really showed me something in the preseason, but let's see him do as well against the first-teamers. That'd be great. The DEs are a concern, even with B.Y. That first game against the PIT-styled Cardinals will be very revealing to how good the defensive line really is.
I am trying to have reasonable hopes about the new coordinators. Nolan will be running the D, so I'm not worried there. The new O guy... well, shoot, I really want him to help extend the progression that we saw after last season. And they should have gone for it on 4th and inches.
thanks for the comment,
SFist_Christopher_Rogers