Like Mika, Sen. Larry Craig Also Defies Labels

"I am not gay. I never have been gay," lisped Republican Idaho Senator Larry Craig, with his beard wife, Suzanne, by his side.

After getting arrested by an undercover office in a Minneapolis airport boy's room for engaging "in actions 'often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct,'" the GOP senator plead guilty to a disorderly conduct charge, with the hope that it would all quietly go away.

Well, it didn't.

What's more: while some gays snort a line or eight of crystal meth to deal with their self-loathing, others, such as Miss Lawrence Craig, for example, vote for a constitutional ban of same-sex marriage, vote against adding sexual orientation as a basis for hate crimes, vote no on prohibiting job discrimination by sexual orientation, and more. Fabulous.

See you at Twin Peaks, grandpa. Or in hell.