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The big reality shows have ended their TV seasons, which means we're left with the really crappy summer reality TV fare. And since reality TV tends to set the bar pretty low to begin with, you know the stuff they shove at us during he summer has to be really prime.
Like "Pirate Master" for instance! This show screams executive pitch: "It's 'Survivor' meets Pirates of the Caribbean!" But being that we're only (semi) fans of one of those (the one without Johnny Depp), we can't say we were too excited to watch it. In fact, if there wasn't a "local" involved, it's doubtful we would have bothered at all. That local is named Nessa, and she's from Berkeley.
Aside from loving the "Pirates" ride at Disneyland, and having some fun playing The Secret of Monkey Island years ago, the whole "pirate" thing just never held much appeal. Which probably has a lot to do with the constant groans and eye-rolling we were doing through much of the show. The cast were all decked out in "pirate gear," (lots of head scarves and jewelry) and were told they'd live on an actual pirate ship and search for buried treasure. Someone named Jay, in an interview, talked about how he was like a modern-day pirate in real life. Selling auto parts is totally like being a pirate, because he's "relieving people of their money!" Other cast members of note were John, the "scientist/exotic dancer" and Louie the "annoying fat guy."
But we can't be bothered with any of those limeys. All we care about is Nessa. How'd she do? Well, truth be told we wouldn't have even known she was on the show if we didn't read the Web site--we'll jump the gun here and tell you that she was not "cast adrift" at the show's end, though. Maybe next week we'll see some more of her.
As for the rest of the show. The dueling pirate crews had to sail up a river that looked a lot like the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland (we're sensing a theme here) and find some gold. And crabs. The Black Team won. And then a captain was picked, and there was some stuff about dividing the gold, and the rest of the crew was demoted and the new captain was arrogant and got a nice bed and omigod it was so not interesting in any way. Meanwhile, John the exotic scientist dancer was pissed because he actually discovered the treasure and he got nothing. Oh wait, he did get something. He got cast adrift.
He should consider himself lucky.
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