Lung Cancer!

A group at UCSF estimates that tobacco products in general-admission films are raising a whole lot of new, young smokers. The solution: slap an R on any film in which smoking is portrayed as having zero health consequences, since kids aren't mature enough to understand the real-life dangers of tobacco.

We meet that idea with skepticism; it is with vivid detail that we recall the extensive anti-smoking education of our youth, and our impression of smokers (both juvenile and adult) is that they've always been plenty aware of the disadvantages and simply don't care. Until your teeth start bronzing and the doctors have to perforate your throat, it's an awfully appealing nervous habit for those of us who simply must be orally fixated throughout the day.

But we're not a fraction as smart as the folks at UCSF, so we'll give them the benefit of the doubt. Currently, an R-rating for tobacco is being stalled by the MPAA, an advocacy group for the six major studios that's awfully good at manipulating opinion. The UCSF group, on the other hand, could stand to take a few lessons from the Made to Stick guys, as their website is just about the least compelling thing we've ever seen. In fact, we weren't even going to post about it, because there's no easy way to sum things up -- but we just couldn't resist a table that equates Disney with tens of thousands of deaths.