Get ready to go down a transit rabbit hole.

Last time we wrote about the crapfest that is 511.org, one of our commenters placed blame on military contractors. So we dusted off our Encyclopedia Brown magnifying glass to see just what's behind one of the noisiest, user-unfriendliest, pedestrian-discouragingest, bicyclist-overlookingest websites in town.

The short answer: our local 511.org (just like five-elevens all over the country) is largely a project of the highway industry and, yes, the military industrial complex. Few of the involved parties have any interest in getting people out of their cars, or into buses, or onto bikes, or even worse, onto their own feet. The result: a service that prefers cars over mass transit, and even over commuters themselves. For 511, car is king.

Let's look closer at how this sad state of affairs came to be. But be warned: we're going to go into some painfully specific transit wonkiness. If you think you've got the fortitude, just feast your eyes on the coma-inducing title of our centerpiece document: "511 Implementation and Operation Guidelines Version 3.0."

Now, if you haven't run screaming to the hills, let's proceed.

The national 511 system was set up about seven years ago as a national hotline for transportation info. A bunch of government entities were involved -- notably, the FCC (they dedicated the number), the Department of Transportation, and the DOT's Intelligent Transportation Systems division.

Nationally, 511 has been administered by the 511 Working Group, which is made up of representatives from a highway association, the car-centric DOT, and the DOT's ITS (which deals almost exclusively with vehicular traffic). To be fair, the group also includes one public transit association, although its unclear to what extent they're involved. But who speaks for the bicyclists? Um, maybe the Lorax, or someone.

Here are a few of the characteristics of 511 services, as described by the national organization:
- Customer focus
- Mission critical
- A mix of "public good" and "value added"
- Continually improving
- Complete customer satisfaction
- Nationally interoperable

Hm. "Customer focus," eh? Exactly which customers are we talking about? Let's take a look at the most recent 511 Newsletter, put out by our own Bay Area 511. It contained four alerts: one about Predict-a-Trip, which gives drivers commuting time estimates; one about FasTrak, which lets drivers zip through toll booths, one about carpooling, and one about Biking to Work. So ... out of four issues, three of them are restricted only to car-drivers.

And what about that fourth point? Well, it turns out that it's for cars, too. "On the 17th be sure to pedal to work because it’s Bike to Work Day," the newsletter exhorts. Yes, commuters: bike to work because it's a theme day, like wearing green on St. Patrick's Day or arrrghing on Talk Like a Pirate Day. There's no talk about sustaining your bike habits; no links to the bicycle coalition, or to bike maps, or even 511's own meager bicycling section. (Which doesn't even have maps for San Francisco's bike lanes -- not even working LINKS to maps!)

Five-eleven's Bike to Work Day website is even worse: it talks about how pollution would be prevented "if everyone ... pedaled to work on May 17th." "Experience bicycle commuting," it goes on -- don't rely on it, don't make it a lifestyle; just experience it one day out of the year. Bike-to-workers are encouraged to take "two wheels, big wheels, tandems and hybrids" ... wait, "big wheels"? Exactly how much thought did 511 put into this whole bicycling endeavor? Is it "none"?

The term "mission critical" in 511's description of itself makes us shudder, and not just because it sounds like a movie our governor might have been in. Can you even imagine the chaos that would ensue if using 511 was mission-critical for Bay Area transportation? Nobody would get ANYWHERE.

"Value added" makes us shudder even more. It's hard to say what exactly that means -- any guesses, readers? Placing it in opposition to "public good" certainly isn't doing the phrase any favors. Our best guess is that it means advertising. In fact, Virginia's 511 plans to put advertisements at the beginning of calls, so you can't get into the 511 system by phone without listening to a jingle about Pepsi or whatever.

And how about that next point -- "continually improving." Well, once again, if you're a driver, sure -- there are new features to be found on 511 from time to time. But what about their transit trip planner, the one to which Muni directs riders despite also having a lengthy rant on their own site about why 511 simply doesn't work? That trip planner's been broken since it launched, and hasn't gotten so much as a tuneup. The mapping tech works like Mapquest did back when it was a mid-90s beta. Which is to say, barely at all.

One of 511's stated goals for the year 2010 is "all of the users will be satisfied." What. The. Hell. Let's take one more glance at the reader comments on our last 511 article. Yep ... all negative, every single one. Has anyone EVER had a satisfactory experience with 511? We would love to hear it. Please. Send it on in. We're desperate for a glimmer of hope.

Five-eleven's goal of being "nationally interoperable" seems a little far-fetched, seeing as how its barely interoperable within the Bay Area. Call up and ask for arrival predictions -- the phone system doesn't support any of Muni's bus lines, even though arrival data for lines like the 33 have been available for YEARS. What's the holdup? Why won't 511 work with NextMuni? Oh, right, it's because they don't care about anyone who isn't in a car.

We have a feeling that this cars-first attitude isn't unique to our own local 511. The folks running the show have an unfriendly fixation on highways and cars and promoting methods of transit that are environmentally unsound and civilly disruptive. Even the ITS -- an agency that's supposed to be developing awesome new futuristic technology -- seems to be stuck in the car-loving 1950s. On those rare occasions when they do glance at mass transit, ITS doesn't finish the job -- just look at their data on San Francisco's transit. A database that's meant to be updated yearly has only ever been populated once, in 2004; to this day, 2005's data is uncollected, with a BLANK FORM on their website that looks like it's just waiting for some user to stumble by and input their own made-up data.

In fact, let's go back to that 511 implementation document. Lengthly instructions are given for how local 511s should provide roadway information. But when it comes to transit: almost everything's optional. Info about bikes, commuter benefits, parking at train stations, arrival predictions, trip planning -- all are specifically mentioned as things that don't need to be provided. In other words, if it's not for cars, don't sweat it. In fact, the instructions for providing weather predictions are lengthier than the instructions for providing transit info.

Another feature that 511 doesn't have to provide: user feedback. "This is a matter of local choice," say the national 511 directives, and advise that local 511s restrict feedback to leave voicemail messages or surveys. Surveys are preferable: "listening to the messages can be time-consuming and callers may expect to get a response." Yeah, those callers are such suckers! The document doesn't even mention what local 511s should do with the feedback. But our local transit providers seem to have figured it out: that's what dumpsters are for.

When the 511 guidelines do happen to address transit, it's in a strange, affected manner that seems to have clearly been written by people who have never ridden a bus. Mandatory information for 511s to provide: a brief description of transit agencies' vehicles and service areas, service disruptions, customer service, and road surface conditions. When is the last time that you, a Muni rider, wanted to find out whether Muni's vehicles are buses or trains? Or called a phone number to check on service disruptions before leaving the house for work every morning? There is no mention in 511 documentation of day-to-day ridership needs like arrival predictions, the location of bus stops, or route descriptions. People are trying to get from one place to another, not educate themselves about Muni's operational procedures.

"Traffic cameras are a critical part of a travel information website," say the national directives. No. No they are not. A bus rider does not care how fast highway traffic is moving, since most buses don't take routes that are monitored by traffic cameras. Neither do bicyclists. We do not. Care. About. The damn traffic cameras.

"The interface should be designed to minimize load times," say the guidelines for 511 websites. Have they seen our local site? Our 511 seems to have been optimized for typing in the URL, going to work, coming home, and then watching the page finish loading. Websites should also be "easy to read." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Can you believe we're still ranting about 511? We know, there just seems to be no end. We don't actually want to be talking about this, but the damn service just works so poorly they've forced us to point out how it's letting us down. We really hope 511 improves, so we don't have to write another of these articles.

Moving on:

So, what's this about the military industrial complex? Well, it's true. Last October, the MeTransCo (which oversees transit all over the Bay Area) signed a contract with Science Applications International Corporation, which will get $11 million over the next four years to run a website that nobody seems to want to use. And when SAIC's not "working" on 511, they'll be training Iraqi police, reshaping the mideast's oil industry, and analyzing intelligence from the war zone. All in all, they'll be getting $5.4 billion -- with a B -- from the taxpayer for various projects, mostly for the Department of Defense. Oh and by the way, oftentimes they're the beneficiaries of no-bid contracts. Isn't that nice?

Enjoy your ride.