February 14, 2007
The Warriors: 10 Things I Hate About You
Warriors, baby, we need to talk. With Monday night's double kiss off -- a demoralizing loss to the Nuggets in Denver and the news that Baron Davis is going under the knife -- our relationship in on the rocks. Again. Sigh.
As such, we find ourselves on the horns of a dilemma. Should we shoulder the slings and arrows of the last month and give you one last chance to make it up to us with a playoff berth, or should we go ahead and change the locks on this season?
Don't get us wrong, you're still looking pretty damn fine, even with the 24-29 record you've put on since the holidays. It's not like Denver, Minnesota, or the Clips are smokin' hot. You're just 1.5 games out of the playoffs in the Western Conference and we have to admit, the thought of having you in the playoffs is sooo hot. Of course, with Nawlklahoma, Sacramento, Portland, and even Seattle sniffing around lately, you need to show us a little love back. This relationship is a two-way street you know.
You can give us those come-hither looks all you want Warriors, but we're not feeling the love. And baby, you've really let yourself go. Photo from espn.com.
So, in the spirit of Valentine's Day, we've penned you a ten-point manifesto of sweet nothings.
1. Aim high. The ultimate goal should be a championship. Come on baby, you're better than just a .500 record or the playoffs, but until you believe in yourself, you've got a better chance of winning the Lottery than of winning an NBA title.
2. Get a plan. Just ask your little friends Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld what happens when you don't have a plan for your future. What is your vision for the future? What are we building? What are the pieces? What needs to be done? How are you going to go about doing that? How long will it take? Given that anything can happen yadda yadda, if you can't provide specific answers to these questions right now, this second, then we a need a change, right now, this second. If you've got some answers, we'd love to hear 'em.
3. Grow up. When are you going to get it through your head that up-tempo small-ball is NOT the answer. Never has been, wasn't this year, and won't never be. Start shopping for some platform shoes this summer, because when we see you next fall, you need to be a lot taller.
4. Give Patrick O'Bryant a chance. With all the injuries and the lineup shuffling and the deficient rebounding and all your other bullshit, you can't find a spot on your supposedly paper-thin roster for a rangy seven-footer with soft hands? Isn't this the same mistake you made with Andris Biedrins and Monta Ellis? Get POB out of the D-league and give him some PT.
5. Make the draft count. When was the last time you drafted somebody that had an immediate impact? Trade up, trade down, trade away, do something, but make it count this time.
6. DEE-frickin'-FENSE!
7. Learn some discipline. Time and again, when the going gets tough, you fall back to your wicked ways: one-on-one bull drives to the hoop and errant threes. How 'bout we draw up some real-life set offensive plays that aren't dependent on a long-range jumper or a fast break, and then we execute them. And then execute them again. And then again. Can we do that honey? Good. How many times are we going to pass the ball before we shoot? Four. FOUR!!!!
8. Go big time. The Murphleavy trade was like a jolt of super colon-blow for our relationship. Now that the air has been cleared, it's time to make up by signing a big-name free agent or orchestrating a trade for a marquee player. We need star power, baby. Consider this: Baron is never going to play a full season injury free. Just putting that out there. Strictly your call. Just saying.
9. Get rid of some of your stuff. Stop with the backcourt already. We've got swingmen coming out of our heart-shaped boxes here. Package up Jason Richardson and Mickeal Pietrus, throw in our 2007 first round draft pick and Sarunas Jasikevicius and let's go out there and take care of #8 on our list. Keep Monta Ellis, Akeena Azumbuike, Stephen Jackson and either Baron or JRich.
10. Remember who loves you, baby. We're more than just a source of revenue you know. Believe it or not, we have feelings, and it hurts when you just take us for granted. You take and you take and you take, and what have you given back to us these last 12 years? We've given year-upon-year of record attendance and you've given us nothing but increased ticket prices and a whole lot of empty talk in return. It's about us too you know. It's time you put a winning team on the court and left the marketing fluff at the door.
Can you do these things for us Warriors? Can you? Or should we finally give in and start taking the Lakers' calls?
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UGH!!! I banged my head on my desk when I read the subject of this. But #7 had me laughing with tears. Well put.
That one was my favorite too. Love that movie and it just fits so well for this team and the relationship problems theme. Although I do love that picture of Nellie. Hunka hunka burnin' love baby!
Oh come on and quit whining already!
1. Aim high is what you tell the high school freshman before the realities of life set in. Set a goal that has some difficulty but is otherwise acheivable. Set a reasonable goal, like a .500 record, gain some confidence and grow from there.
2. There are definitely different segments to the plan, like obtaining better salary cap freedom. As far as players go, its hard to tell what the next phase should be since we have yet to see what we currently have. Injuries have been brutal for the entire team.
3. Small ball is probably not the best way, but with the rareness of gifted big men in the league to build around, its a great alternative. I don't see very many Shaqs and Tim Duncans out there.
4. I agree with Patrick O'Bryant, given the softness of the 5 spot when Biedrins sits down. Beyond Josh Powell, there is little to like at all. However, he did need some growing as a player and it sounds like that has been accomplished with more significant playing time in the NBDL.
5. Drafts are a funky monkey and you never know how a player is going to respond to the difference in speed and size of the NBA. When you're picking at 9 or 10 its just a gamble. Period.
6. I frickin' agree
7. Its hard to reduce the amount of fear and adrenaline that takes place at the end of a game, with sanity and common sense, but I agree with you, pass the ball a few times and at least attempt to get a more open shot than the contested fadeaway three on the baseline.
8. Star power doesn't give you a championship, oftentimes gives you a headache, and you could very easily become Stephan Marbury and the Knicks.
9. Granted, we have a deep backcourt, but we still haven't had a chance to see the best of them on the floor together. Every team suffers injuries, and there are few players that will play an entire season, so stop with the nonsense on Baron Davis. Lets see what we have with the current core before making any hasty moves.
10. I am a fan of the team, I cheer for them and want them to win. I hope the current core of guys will pan out, but a month after a trade does not a season make. The Warriors have grown greatly more interesting as a team from last year and that's baby step enough for me in getting better.
I hear what you are saying Just a fan, but sticking with the relationship theme here, you're basically blaming the victim (the fans) for not being patient enough. It's not us, it's them!
It's been 12 years, and every year we hear the same thing. It's not our fault or any fan's fault that this team is where it is. And we're not making this shit up. They haven't made the playoffs in 12 years, they're so intellectually bankrupt that the only plan they could come up with is to hire the coach from their former quasi-glory days, and they're five games below .500 this year.
If you or I performed this badly at our jobs, we'd be fired long before 12 years. And what we would be hearing about our poor effort would not be whining, it would be legitimate criticism.
We for one are not going to continue to play the part of the victim in this relationship. There will always be some other excuse as to why it is OK for this team to still suck. Well, you know what? It is not OK anymore!
Everybody needs to stop making excuses for this team and hold everybody, from Cohan on down, accountable.
We only write these things about the team because we care. If we didn't care, we wouldn't care.
This is the 5th year in a row that baron has missed a significant number of games. This isn't bad luck its a pattern. I am sure it is not under his control just the way his body is
It is only going to get worse as he ages. You can't build a team around that and for the most part the NBA is about building around a superstar
Hate to say it but this team is going nowhere.
winning in the NBA usually means you building around a superstar with another Allstar type and then some complimentary players.
If the Warriors have any chance of moving up in the draft by trading Baron, J-rich or Monta I would do it if it is to get an impact player (they can't lose AD he is to gifted at 7'0)
The window is closing on this group doing anything I am afraid