Top Chef: Stick A Fork In It; It's Done

Hey, folks, welcome to our weekly opinions on the past week's Top Chef, which we hope will spur you to watch tonight's episo--

What? Last week was it? No after-season wrap-up where they contestants yell at each other, like they did for season one? What a drag.

Congrats to Ilan, whose food always looked awesome, except maybe that chicken liver in chocolate he made that one time. Ill conceived. Congrats to Marcel too, actually -- he gave a pretty fine showing, even though it resulted in a second-place finish.

We need to be honest -- we're a little "Top Cheffed" out. So much emotion. We love this show, and it kept throwing us these weird curveballs and disappointments. You know how your worst enemies tend to be those that once had your friendship and trust? That kinda thing.

So, Ilan -- his food looked great, his actions ranged between cowardly and thuggish, his personality seemed to be that of a nice guy who's still a bit immature. Rise above, as we said a few weeks ago. He'll learn. (Damn, we feel old). His tiffs with Marcel made both look bad, but Ilan look worse. Why? Because Marcel IS annoying and pest-like by nature, and we saw it from the beginning. He almost gets a pass because it's who he is. Ilan has no such excuse. He also was making fun of Harold in certain bonus clips (our viewing "prize" for watching "Top Design"). Ilan, man, don't diss Harold. He did it first, and did it classier and better.

In the final final final, Ilan and Marcel both cooked some fine dishes. Ilan went for the All-Spain, All-the-Time, as usual, while Marcel did his molecular gastronomy tricks, one of which backfired and left what was already a questionable dish, a salad, without its gimmick. Marcel also didn't run as tight of a kitchen as the young Mr. Hall did. We agree that Ilan deserved to win, but we admire both contestants (as we actually do most of the cheftestants from the whole season) and wish them both excessive amounts of luck. And, boy, do we want both to cook for us some day. Spanish food is amazing; we've got a real mad-on for squid and eel (though probably not canned eel, like Ilan used in his first dish).

Season highlights:
-- Michelle Bernstein's appearances, both in this episode and in the finale. Swoon.
-- Emily's "four teeth and a gigantic ass" comment about a mom at Seaside Lagoon -- and Emily's subsequent ouster.
-- Mikey's big day
-- Astroboy smack, backed up by Tony Bourdain!
-- "Lalalina" -- still the cutest restaurant name ever
-- Marcel putting his money where his mouth has been all season, at just the right time.
-- Ilan's amazing-looking Fideos with Clams and Saffron
-- The cool twist where cheftestants got to bring their own ingredients for the finals.

Season lowlights:
-- Lycheegate
-- General over-picking on Marcel (a little would have been enough)
-- Manhandling Marcel
-- The "no decision" episode
-- Cheeto Lollipop
-- Sam's early ouster (in our opinion). He was so good all season, we're shocked this wasn't considered in the hair-splitting semi-final.
-- Mia's meltdown

If the show comes back, we're not 100% sure we'll be writing about it, unless they relocate back to San Francisco (never say never, though). But we still hope our fans will join us in supporting it, should it return for a season three.