There are many fine examples of patisseries and boulangeries that make wonderful coffee. Cocola, located in the Westfield, that wondrous new monstrosity of a shopping complex, is not one of them. While we're confident that most savvy SFist readers would have realized this on some fundamental level, we hoped that our instincts would prove wrong. After all, most everyone gets dragged on occasion to the mall or a similar place they'd rather not be; the promise of a decent cup of joe in the Westfield would have done much to mitigate our own reluctance.

The last time our wife made us (your Trimethyldioxypurist and son [Formula-ist? Trimeth Jr?]) come to the mall with her, we were happy to see a Peet's coffee right there on the food court level. We actually bought a pound of coffee, since we like Peet's fine and wanted our free drip. After the money changed hands, we asked for our bonus prize -- and the clerk told us that "We aren't really a Peet's, we're part of [the adjacent] Bristol Farms." And that, in addition to accidentally supporting a non-union grocer (per the ever-present protesters at the mall's entrances), meant we were S.O.L. in getting that free drip. Umm, then why is the branding just like a real Peet's, with no asterisk or disclaimer? You don't go to McDonald's to be told "sorry, no Happy Meals here," for crying out loud. We're pretty mad about this, and at the "real Peet's" too for allowing it. So "fake Peet's" at the Westfield is now a no-no for us, and was certainly not an option on this trip.

We wonder if a decent coffee purveyor could really make a go of it in a place like the Westfield, where the cost of doing business must be astronomical, and prices would need to reflect that. It's natural for management to look for opportunities to cut corners. It'd be nice, though, if for once an establishment at a large venue like the Westfield would say "great coffee would enhance our product," rather than "coffee's not our main thing; it doesn't really matter."

In any case, we tried Cocola, which is on the top floor (aside from the movie theater level), near the rather nice sitting area, and hoped for the best.

Here's what we liked about Cocola.
-- The tables are tile-lined and real purdy.
-- The staff seems friendly.
-- Despite the crowds, service is relatively quick.
-- Plenty of tables.
-- The baked goods, which we suppose is the place's main business, looked great (sorry, can't guinea-pig these; we're on a diet again. Damned holidays.)
-- The cappuccino is about the right size (remember, traditional cap is about 6 oz.; we didn't bring our measuring cup, but we'd guess the one we got at Cocola was about 6 oz.-8 oz.).
-- Coffee's served in real, non-paper cups if you consume on the premises.

Here's what we didn't like.
-- Okay, so real cups and tile-lined tables contribute mightily to the atmosphere, which makes us enjoy even sub-par coffee at times. So excuse us for being a little niggling, but our drink came out with a little spill-over, a streak of brown down the side. Petty? Yes. Diminished the experience? Yes.

-- The cappuccino was barely okay -- the foam was more meringue than microfoam. The flavor was flat.
-- The drip coffee was awful. Probably a combo of being underextracted (low brew temp), and we would guess slightly stale beans that had sat around for a long while after being ground. Just euuuch.

The long and the short of it: our wife's favorite carrot to make us do stuff ("sure, have another espresso drink!") won't work so well anymore when it comes to the Westfield.