SFist Watches: Your Local On Reality TV
Previously on "Survivor," a load of people were segregated into racial tribes in an attempt to garner some cheap publicity for the show. That "bold" idea lasted about three weeks before things in "Survivor" land were back to their usual predictable ways. And at that point, all we cared about was the fate of local boy Yul. And that continued to be the case yesterday during the season finale.
The morning after Tribal Council, and Adam moaned about having to sleep alone since Parvarti was voted off the island. Boo-hoo. The "Aitu Four" realized they'd have to start competing against each other now, and three of them realized beating Ozzy was pivotal.
Immunity challenge, and the Survivors were faced with a huge ropes obstacle course and a puzzle. Climbing? Clinging? Is there any way Ozzy wouldn't win this one? Surprisingly, Ozzy did not dominate the challenge from the beginning, slipping up a number of times, but he caught up and it became a neck-and-neck race with Yul through much of it. The puzzle portion of the event, which Probst kept calling the "most difficult puzzle [they've] ever done," didn't actually turn out to be that difficult and...Ozzy won immunity.
Back at camp, Yul was pleased with his maneuvering thus far, but knew that with the Aitu in the final four, things could get ugly. Adam tried to convince some of the Aitus to vote for Yul at Tribal Council so he would have to play his immunity idol, thus getting it out of the game early.
Tribal Council, and the jury was mugging it up and as annoying as always. What a bunch of sore, whiny losers. Adam gave props to Ozzy and Yul and called Becky and Sundra a couple of "boring people." There was talk about the secret immunity idol and how it would be dumb to not force Yul to use it now, but no one went for it, and Adam was eliminated. Another self-riotous member for the jury.
Aitu whooped it up at camp, celebrating their survival to the final four. Now let the backstabbing begin!! Tree mail, and the gang learned they'd now be taking part in the most boring part of the show: paying tribute to all the Survivors that were eliminated this season. Let's move on, shall we?
Immunity challenge, and as would be expected, it was an endurance challenge. They'd have to stand on a perch in the water that would shrink every 15 minutes until it was half the size of a postcard. They also found out that, as rumor has had it, three people would be going to final tribal council, instead of the usual two. Let the standing begin!
Yul chose a squatting stance as his strategy, and Becky fell at the 45 minutes mark. Once the final portion of the perches fell, Yul stayed in his squatting position, but once he tried to stand up, he fell into the water. It was down to Yul and Sundra, and watching them stand there was almost as exciting as watching paint dry. Or an Eric Rohmer movie. A little past the two-and-a-half hour mark, Sundra lost her balance and dove into the water. Ozzy won yet another immunity.
So, Ozzy and Yul would obviously make it to the final three. The question now was, Sundra? Or Becky? Ozzy decided the fairest thing to do would be to force a tie-breaker at Council. Meanwhile, Yul, who may or may not continue to have a boner for Becky, offered to give her the immunity idol, which would put him at risk.
Tribal Council. Again! Ozzy told Probst they'd be forcing a tie, and Probst started harping on the Hidden Immunity Idol, and Yul said he wasn't going to use it. And...he didn't. Becky and Sundra were forced into a tie-breaking challenge, which was the usual firebuilding and rope burning. Oh, those poor girls and their fire-making abilities. It was not a quick race. Glaciers melted. Beards grew and turned grey on the jury members. Jeff Probst dozed off, slept-walked to New York and came back with a pizza. After an eternity, Probst, with a disgusted look on his face, told the girls they could use matches, and they even had a hard time with that! They'd start fires, and then the fires would burn out. After another half-hour, Sundra RAN OUT OF MATCHES! Becky dismantled her finely-crafted wood tepee and just burned some twigs and coconut husks in a pile. Finally, mercifully, that did it, and Sundra was eliminated. But seriously, who would vote to give Becky a million dollars after witnessing her inability to start a fire?
Back at camp, the final three patted themselves on their backs, and Becky insisted she hadn't ridden on anyone's coat tails. Two chicks in a boat arrived with some food, and Becky was nowhere to be found. Ozzy noted the symbolism of this, and sumised that it would really be a battle between him and Yul for jury votes. Yul talked about how he played the game with integrity, and we pretended not to hear that, as you know how we feel about people who bring up integrity and honesty when it comes to "Survivor" play.
Tribal Council! Yet again! It was now time for the sore loser integration to begin. But first! The final three gave little speeches about why they deserved the money. Yul said he had never wanted to play an individual game, and that he felt he had done more than anyone else to affect the course of the game. He also admitted that he did have to lie and manipulate to get where he was, but that he had remained loyal to those who had remained loyal to him. (Hmmm. Jonathan might feel a little differently.) Becky talked about playing a "social game," whatever that means, and that she was able to make strategic decisions about who she aligned with. Ozzy spoke about his role as an underdog, and how he provided food for his team, and that his actions and strength in the game spoke louder than anything he'd be able to say.
Nate was the first to address the trio. He called Yul the godfather, and challenged Ozzy to describe how he'd been a better player. Ozzy talked about how he'd been a strategist earlier in the game. Becky tried to take some of Yul's thunder by saying she'd been a part of many decision making sessions with Yul.
Julie was next, and she asked Yul what was more important, strategy or strength. Of course Yul said strategy and the game's social elements.
Parvarti asked Becky why she had declined Yul's offer of the idol, and Becky said she didn't want to "sneak" into the final four.
Rebecca asked Yul and Ozzy to tell her something she didn't know about them that might sway her decision. Yul talked about how he wanted to be on "Survivor" so he could bring more visibility to Asian minorities in the media, and if he won, he would try to become a very visible spokesperson. Ozzy basically said the same thing about minorities and role models.
Adam ragged on all of them for being boring again. He then told Ozzy to talk trash about Yul and Becky. Ozzy said Yul didn't work hard enough, and that Becky rode coattails and couldn't even build a fire.
Candice was all pissed about how Yul always seemed to say what he thought others wanted to hear, and insisted that he answer her questions with a strict yes or no answer. And that question was, "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Just kidding. She actually asked him if he had been "shamelessly working the jury" with his answers. And he said yes...and then started to take issue with the "shamelessly" part, thus breaking her yes or no rule. Oh, whatever Can-Dice.
Brad asked Ozzy what the most challenging experience in his life had been, and how did he overcome it? What is this, a job interview? Ozzy said it was his relationship with his father, who is distant, and was never around. And then he started to cry. Way to work the sympathy vote, bro!
Sundra wanted to know what they've learned from the game. Ozzy said it was love, man. Becky said it was learning to live life without a schedule, and take a moment for herself. Yul said he gained a lot of self-confidence.
Jonathan! He wanted Yul to play the politician and explain how his lies and half-truths were actually beneficial to his "constituents." Thankfully, Yul acknowledged that "Survivor" is a game, and what he did to try and win the game is not how he would treat people in real life. Also, he did stay true to people he had made original alliances with. Jonathan then told Ozzy he felt like Ozzy had a false sense of entitlement, and acted like a prince. Prince Ozzy, Ruler of the Monkey Bars! So Jonathan wanted to know what Ozzy would do with the money. And Ozzy said he'd go back to school, and then try to use the money to change the world for the better.
She-yeah! Right!
Voting time! Brad voted for Yul, as did Jonathan. Parvarti voted for Oscar, er, Ozzy. And those were the only votes we got to see before we flash-forwarded to the live finale/reunion show.
Vote reading time! First vote: Yul! Second: Oscar. Third: Yul! Fourth: Yul!! Fifth: Ozzie. Sixth: Ozzy.
A tie!
Seventh: Ozzy. Oh no! Eighth: "Yuuuuuuleee"! Eeek! A tie! Ninth vote...........YUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He won!
YES!!!!!
Oh man. We have never been happier about a "Survivor" victory. And look! There's a live-feed from someplace in San Mateo! They're going nuts!
Sorry, Ozzy. But we all know you have another career to fall back on. [Link NSFW]
The rest of the show was reunion stuff, with some Yul highlights, but ultimately it was kind of boring, as the reunion shows usually are. In summation: Yul was awesome the entire season, and the rest of them weren't. Yul and Becky aren't dating, and it never crossed her mind (we think Yul was a little disappointed to hear that). He's embarrassed about his being in People's Sexiest Man Alive issue, but his mom is probably happy about it as it might help him find a wife. And being naked in the hot tub with Parvarti and Ozzy was one of his worst nightmares.
In ridiculous news, Parvarti does "model boxing," and it's a totally serious sport you guys! J.P was contacted by the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, and will be on her trainwreck TV show in January. And Billy realized he doesn't actually love Candice. Also, Ozzy won a car because he was voted most clever player or some such by America.
Congratulations Yul, and thanks for bringing the Bay Area some reality TV glory--and for being a player we actually liked and who didn't piss us off during the season. Call us!