Robbers Go Nutty

It's looking like a dreaded nut ring that has been terrorizing the Central Valley has been broken up as police arrested the two ringleaders on Sunday. The thieves, named Alvin and Simon, were caught with about $400,000 dollars worth of nuts on them. They were caught on Sunday when an alert factory worker noticed that several people were taking nuts out of boxes marked with the names of Central Valley nut companies and putting them into unmarked boxes. After about eleven people were taken into questioning, only two of them were charged.

The ring has been in operation over the past year and a half and has stolen upwards of two million dollars of stolen nuts. If you think of just how much money it costs to buy just a bag of nuts, multiply that by a million or so and you realize that that's a lot of nuts. Authorities say it represents about fourteen trucks worth of nuts. The stolen nuts were then sent all over the world and stored for winter.

Of course, the bigger news item in this story is all the bad puns that stories like this lead to. So KGO goes with "Police Crack Stolen Almonds Case" and add "It was a tough nut to crack but authorities..." The Sacramento Bee refrains from punning in the headline, but starts with "Money does not grow on trees, but two Sacramento businessmen allegedly discovered almonds to be the next best thing." And while the Chron stayed pun-free (Rachel Gordon doesn't come off as the punning type), SFGate has as it's headline "Chock Full O' Nut Case Leads." Whatever that means. As for Inside Bay Area, they remained refreshingly jokeless.

We, of course, have no trouble making bad jokes about this story but then again, we have no problems making bad jokes about anything
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