Top Chef: No Clever Headline Needed When Michelle Bernstein Is Involved
Hey, folks -- what better to whet your appetite for the most food-laden of holidays than an episode of Top Chef, tonight on Bravo. And what better to whet your appetite for tonight's Thanksgiving-themed episode than a reminder of and our take on what happened last week?
You may recall a bunch of bitching in our last review -- the short reminder is NOBODY WENT HOME. Well, as some even predicted, this week made up for that (at least in terms of numbers) by sending two of the chef-testants home. Obvious foreshadowing by the show's editors: Josie telling the camera's that she and Marisa are the only ones that trust each other. Hmph.
But we're jumping the gun.
Best thing about this episode was the guest judge, Michelle Bernstein. We luuurve her. Never tried her cooking, but we saw her on Iron Chef: America once, and she has such a nice smile, good attitude, and cute personality. We know we've said this about many of the women on this show (Gail, Elia, etc), but this time we really mean it: swoon. 
And she seemed reasonably straightforward and on-target with her judgments of the Quickfire (immunity) Challenge, wherein the contestants had to take what are (to the American mind) the "leftover" parts of animals and turn them into something good.
During the cooking process, Betty says something about how Marcel looks like a vampire. Duh, Betty; he looks like an anime character, not Dracula.
In any case, Marisa gets the first compliment we recall for her beef cheek pasta. Josie is dinged, as is Elia for evidently neglecting to clean the kidneys she used in her dish. Elia's P.O.'d. Sam, Cliff, and Ilan are cited as being the best three by Chef Bernstein; Sam is the winner with some sort of sweetbread beignets with a Chinese 5-spice/soy.
The Elimination Challenge is to cook a many-course meal for a party being thrown by actress Jennifer Coolidge. While we'd love to bag on Michael for proclaiming her to be "Stiffler's mom," we must admit we couldn't place her until he said that. Of course, one of our favorite lines in any movie is hers in "A Mighty Wind" about the trains ("If they didn't have the model trains, they wouldn't have gotten the idea for the big trains" . . . it's funnier when she delivers it).
The folks are divided into teams of two, and each is assigned a course. Frank asks Astro Boy Marcel to be his partner; Marcel compares this to being asked and going to the prom with someone at the bottom of your list. EVERYONE looks at Sam, hoping to join him. Which in a way is dumb; boy's got immunity; if your team loses, he stays, you go. But he and his buddy Cliff team up once again.
Ilan says something about how great he thinks Mike is; translation: "I like carrying the load for people." (hat tip: wife. Thanks Headsie! Watching T.C. is a great couples' activity.).
We've determined that Chef Tom would be more credible in his judge role if he was wearing a black & white striped referee's shirt.
Marcel doesn't like how Frank cuts fish; he's probably pissed that Frank didn't bring him a corsage. Ilan's still talking up Mike.
The worst: Betty and Mia screw up the most divine of meats, the duck, by overcooking it and trying to shoehorn it into some crazy "savory napoleon" idea. (DUCK SEASON!) Sam says it's embarrassing to bring it out. Marisa and Josie go for a triple palate cleansing action of three fruit things, one of which is a pink goo in a spoon that Frank says "tastes like shit." One of the judges later compares it to Pepto Bismol. Carlos and Elia's desserts aren't very appreciated either.
The best: Shockingly, Mike and Ilan for mini-pallellas with softshell crab (only shocking because this is Mike's first positive feedback all season). Not so shockingly, Sam and Cliff's scallops and fois gras. Mike and Ilan win! And Ilan gets the extra distinction of being named "winner of winners" or however they explain team efforts being rewarded un-equally.
And, as much as we like Ilan, he's now on our "hate" list because his prize is getting to cook with Michelle Bernstein at the South Beach Wine & Food Fest. Lucky schmuck! We're sooooo jealous.
Oh, yeah -- Josie and Marisa say "buh-bye." We wanted to like Marisa, as she's a San Franciscan, but never could come around after the whole "Otto is a cheater" thing. Josie we liked until her farewell speech, in which she proclaimed herself to be very talented a few too many times.
What will the cheftestants be "thankful" for tonight? Let's watch.
A very, very happy Thanksgiving, everyone, to you and yours from me and mine.