We're Going To Need a Bigger Boat

Those looking to swim in the Aquatic Park Lagoon this weekend are out of luck as the lagoon is closed to let park rangers search for the "rogue" sea lion that attacked up to fourteen people over the days and chased ten others away.

How much do we love this story? It's immeasurable.

The sea lion attacked last week and scientists cannot explain theviscous vicious, bloodthirsty man biter. Speculation was that the sea lion was just playing around while others said it had something to do with toxic algae which is an awesome explanation because just right now we're picturing an "animal attacks" movie staring Michael Caine, Elisha Cuthbert, and Ice Cube as a bunch of scientists who race the clock as they try and save a small, west coast resort town from the clutches of a giant, radioactive, sea lion.

Sadly for our visions of such a movie, the idea that the sea lion has been poisoned by toxic algae were discounted, as have tales that the sea lion's mixed it up with local dogs as well. "Rather, [this is] just one frisky territorial male defending its girlfriends," says a local marine biologist..

If you want to check in and see what the status of the lagoon is, go here.

With help from SFist Rita