Hello! Our usual TV correspondent SFist Rain is on vacation this week, so she graciously let us sub in for the week. It's not her fault we're not nearly as good at this as she is!

First up: The Amazing Race. We've never watched this show before until this season, and now we are totally hooked. Go (local) Cho Bros!

This week's episode sees our six teams flying from the island of Mauritius to the island of Madagascar. David and Mary, the plucky Kentuckians, are marked for elimination, meaning they have to come in first this week or incur a 30-minute penalty. Their six-pack alliance is upbeat, the rest of the teams snicker.

Race! Off to an angel in a lake. Addict/models Tyler and James and fighting couple Rob and Kimberly, get to the clue box first. "Is that a Yield?"

No! It's an Intersection! Now, since we've never seen this show before this season, we're kind of hazy about what a Yield is, but in an Intersection, teams pair up and do the next task as a foursome. Addicts and fighters unite, and take the fast forward.

Alabama and Kentucky team up, leaving the BQs with the Chos. Detour! Long sleep (deliver mattresses) or short letter (make paper). The Chos and BQs opt for long sleep. The BQs then cheerfully say, "Well, you're Asian, maybe we should make paper!" Awk-ward. (though the Chos make up for it later on when they make the BQs ask for help because "you're pretty." We'll call it a draw.) AL and KY head for the mattresses too.

The Fast Forward teams, meanwhile, smugly show up at the fast forward. Task at hand: eat a plate of cow lips. They have teeth on them still, plus flies. The team grimly digs in. Kimberly gags a few times.

The Chos and the BQs efficiently deliver the mattresses, and we're pleased to see that busting up the six-pack seems to have awoken the Chos' dormant competitive spirit. Meanwhile, AL and KY struggle through the task, falling behind.

Next up, the roadblock: one person collects little rubber stamps, the other waits at the pit stop. Race!!! A BQ in a car -- which runs out of gas. A Cho in a taxi -- which runs out of gas. Meanwhile, the FFers finally finish the cow lips, and run to cabs too. Meanwhile, KY and AL are busy trying to get stamps. Uh oh. Meanwhile, the BQ at the pit stop passes the time dancing with the Madagascar locals and waving at Phil.

And.... one! BQs! They beat the fast forwarders! Immediately after them -- the addicts, then the fighters. Then our boys the Chos. "Stuck at four, baby!" they exult (what was up with the slide into the mat, though?) A pause. Then KY comes up. Fifth -- but a 30 minute penalty. Ten minutes into the penalty, Alabama shows up. KY is out (but not after a touching speech about how the Amazing Race is about opportunities for children). We'll miss you, Mary and David.

Next up, America's Next Top Model. We have never watched this show before, ever! (though we of course have been following it through SFist Rain). Okay, can someone explain to us what exactly this "TyraMail" thing is? Do they have to fill those cards out or something? Model Michelle says she's really good at modeling but doesn't like it. And (not really) fat Anchal says no one likes her. Goodness, which two girls do you think will be in the final two in the end?

This week: action modeling! Gabrielle Reece gives the girls lessons on playing volleyball with cameras clicking. Lots of falling down ensues. Anchal is unhappy about having to wear a bikini.

Catty commentary section: everyone says they think Anchal is weird. Anchal says she hates Melrose, because "she does bitchy things and it makes you want to slap the ho." She looked kind of uncomfortable saying it, though.

Next up -- photo shoot with a racecar driver! The girls act out fighting with the good-natured male racecar driver model. This seems to involve a lot of jumping and kicking, except for Anchal, who says she's not an angry person. And then Michelle climbs on top of the car and breaks something on the hood. Oops.

For her pains, Michelle wins the challenge! She gets to pick three other girls to share in her prize and she picks.... all the white girls! Dude, she wanted white girls so bad, she picked Melrose over the minorities. Anyways, the four girls participate in a shopping spree challenge, and Melrose cleans the other girls' clocks. The nonwhite girls snicker as Michelle looks kind of shocked that she didn't just automatically win a prize.

Okay, big photo shoot! Pretend to skydive to promote some new foundation by Cover Girl. It's a space theme, so everyone has to wear some kind of weird white bodysuit and a helmet. Some production person sneers at Anchal for being fat, and basically everyone flails around while some poor dude grabs futilely at their limbs and the photographer and judge complain about how no one is graceful. Man, modeling looks like it sucks.

Next up: charades! (Does this appear in the show often?) The seven contestants show up, and act out a verb and an adverb in front of the judges, like "hide dizzily" (Caridee) and "ski sadly" (one of those twins, we think Amanda. We may also have the adverb wrong.) Melrose confuses "box joyfully" with "Vogue insincerely," which, you know, was kind of funny. Anchal half-heartedly "dances aggressively," and then flees the room.

Judging! Tyra pontificates, and the judges evaluate everyone's pictures (best line, to Amanda: "You look like a W in this picture." She does! Picture above.) Melrose, she's fun! Even if she doesn't know what boxing is. Maybe she should have pretended to wrap presents in a happy manner. Caridee wins, even though Tyra is concerned she doesn't follow instructions well. Picture distribution, picture distribution, and then we have in the final two..... Michelle and Anchal. Anchal loses. Wow, we wouldn't have seen that coming at all.

And finally: Survivor. We start with Jonathan telling Candice how he really trusts her. Candice then tells us she thinks Jonathan's annoying. Uh oh.

Hello, Jeff Probst! It's mutiny time -- both teams are standing on mats, and if you want to leave your tribe, you have ten seconds to step off the mat. 10, 9, 8.... 3 -- Candice leaves Aitu! 2.... -- Jonathan leaves Aitu! Doh! You know Candice was like, .....ah, crap, he followed me. Aitu's now completely nonwhite.

Aitu is now down to 4 (Yul, Becky, Sundra, and Ozzy), Raro is up to 8. Andddddd.... it's time for the Reward Challenge, involving rolling in barrels and swimming and buoy-finding and axe-chopping -- Aitu wins! The reward -- coffee and danishes and dry clothes and pictures from home. Sundra cries tears of joy. Then they send traitor Candace to Exile Island.

Raro gets acquainted with Jonathan and Candice. Also, there were chickens. Next - the immunity challenge! Something involving cannonballs and puzzles.... and a come from behind victory by.... Aitu!

Raro gapes in disbelief and then begins the whole pre-Tribal Council schemery. Maybe Jonathan, because he's annoying? Adam and Nate decide they should keep Jonathan around because he's so unpopular, Aitu will vote him out in a merged tribe, and vote out Brad instead, because more people like Brad. Nate then proceeds to butter up Brad, and says they're going to "chop them [the traitors] up like poop." Does one chop up poop? This is very mysterious to us.

Tribal council meets. Today's discussion topic: trust. And in the vote -- Brad's out. But.... twist! Brad's now on the jury! Looks of dismay on the faces of Raro as Probst smugly says you just never know what's going to happen next on Survivor.

Thanks for letting us cover the reality shows, SFist Rain! Hope you're having a great vacation! Pictures are from the respective websites of the shows portrayed.