Top Chef: Karma's Four Teeth And A Gigantic Ass
Welcome to our thoughts on last Wednesday's episode of Top Chef on Bravo, which we hope will help psych y'all up for tonight's episode. We must say that this episode was a vast improvement over the previous one, and we're again psyched to continue watching season two.
You might even say this episode kicked four teeth and a gigantic ass.
Sorry, we hate to keep bringing up that phrase, but we can't remember ever hearing anything so funny. See, the "Quickfire Challenge", which is an immunity contest, was to create an ice cream. Some of the chefs went a little nutso (anybody using BACON, we're looking at you); a few went fairly time-tested/generic; a few were decidedly unimpressive (gee, Marisa, you're a pastry chef; we thought you'd have a better showing) . . .
And a few were just RUDE. To hilarious effect, to be sure. See, the judges for these ice creams were the folks attending Seaside Lagoon, a natural lagoon turned into a park sorta thing down in Redondo Beach. We love Seaside Lagoon; we actually grew up pretty close to there and have fond memories of field trips and celebrations at the watery playground.
We don't recall anybody ever letting us sample ice cream. Nor do we recall anybody ever telling one of the moms present that with her "four teeth and gigantic ass" that she probably didn't need any more sugar.
Hee-haw! Emily (who we described last week as Martha Plimpton's lookalike; we'd like to revise that now to "evil twin") did just that. She let loose with the "you don't like my 'calming lavender chocolate,' thus you are an ugly, tasteless hick" smack.
"Calming" ice cream? Ever seen the ice cream man drive by? "ICE CREEEEAAAAAAMMMMM!!!!! ME ME ME, ME FIRST, ME FIRST!!!!!" may ring a bell. The tots don't encourage each other to queue up in an orderly fashion. They rush the truck for ice cream and cram it into their mushy little faces! Calming lavender, our ass.
So Cliff wins. AGAIN. Cliff, who claimed he'd never made ice cream. But you know what? He's smart, he knows that people like cookies and nuts and cold, creamy stuff . . . and that ice cream is nothing to be "calm" about. He's bright, in touch with flavor, skilled, and we like the way he's conducted himself. Cliff's latest victory has helped propell him into one of our top three faves (with Elia--natch--and Ilan).
Ironically, it's the winner of the main elimination challenge that turned out to be someone we soured on. Controversial opinions from your Top Chef correspondent after the jump.
The big challenge this week was to create a main dish that TGI Friday's could put on its menu. The guest judges were an executive chef from Friday's (curiously wearing no "flair") and a bunch of firemen. The chef-aspirants were given $100 and a few hours to prepare, then 15 minutes to heat/finish it up once they got to the firehouse.
Worst:
Dumbass Michael, Stockton's favorite son, reveals he worked at a Friday's for a spell. Did this give him an advantage? Evidently not. He chose to purchase beer for himself rather than cheese to complement his dish: a sloppy steak sandwich that was unimpressive, greazzzy, and overcooked. Frank, who we like but don't think has a chance in hell, made some sort of Fungi in Wonderland that was neither cute nor appetizing in appearence. Emily, who resents cooking for the types of commoners that would eat at Friday's, goes for a seafood/steak combo, her "Slamming Surf and Turf." Evidently, she "slammed" a little too much salt onto it.
The Controversy:
Marcel (a.k.a. "New Stephen," or perhaps "Astroboy" if we're judging on hair) had an onion ring component to his pork dish. He couldn't get the deep fat fryer to work (he blamed it on Michael, which may or may not be fair). He spent much of his time bitching about it. To his credit, he left the undercooked o-rings in the kitchen, and his pork chop with 'shroom sauce was fairly well recieved. However, Betty gave him a bunch of crap about his whining. Which is fine. But then similarly, Betty had some issues heating up the grilled cheese component of her dish. Marcel let her have it much the same way she did him, albeit slightly more obnoxiously.
Betty, who's been a sweetheart heretofore, really came off poorly. She was snide and bitchy and immature. And while we're not making excuses for Marcel, he's in his twenties. Betty's 44. Her dish looked delicious, but she left a sour taste in our mouth. Rise above, Betty. Rise above.
The So-so:
Ilan made a sort of bacon and corn dish, which looked great but was more of a side, not a main course. Marisa made a strawberry crisp with some other crap (she'd've had bonus points for calling it "flair")--also not a main course. Could she have used her pastry skills to make, say, a pot pie? She's had no luck with sweet stuff (like the "panna cotta hockey pucks" last week, or the middle-of-the-road ice cream from earlier in the episode). Elia's fish tacos were appreciated, but not the cream of the crop.
The Best:
Gail luurrrves the word "cravable," used by the rep from Friday's. Gail practically makes "o-face" while saying it. (Are y'all picking up on our horrible "Office Space" references here?" We know, unimpressive and unoriginal). In any case, thanks for the addition to the lexicon.
Betty rightfully made the top three with her mouth-watering tomato+red pepper soup with bacon garnish and grilled cheese+mushroom sandwiches, as did Sam with his awesome/intriguing dish of spiced fruit salad. Cliff's mac & cheese and fish sticks are also deemed "cravable."
Betty, despite her troubles, wins. Um, yay?
While Michael is acting like he's gonna fight Chef Tom or something, the judges decide that Emily needs to leave the show--essentially for putting too much authenticity (i.e., salt) into her "surf."
Ain't karma a bitch?
Tune in tonight to see who packs his or her knives next!