The Warriors: Oracle Sez . . .
On Friday, the Warriors announced their biggest signing of the year so far, agreeing to a 10-year, $30 million naming rights agreement with free agent multinational software corporation Oracle. The new name of the erstwhile Oakland Arena? Oracle. No, not The Oracle, just Oracle. (The Oracle would actually be pretty cool, although given the team's draft history, brutally ironic.)
So why is it that Warriors management can't coordinate their draft strategy with their coaching selection, and their blockbuster personnel move during the off season was bringing in a guy who didn't even play all last year -- Dajuan Wagner has looked great in the preseason and looks to be a perfect fit for coach Don Nelson's small-scale, up-tempo style, so it's a good move, but it's not like bringing in KG -- but they can pull off a naming rights deal with great fanfare? Hmmm.
Well, whatever the reason, it's got to be about making the team better, right? Team President Robert Rowell thinks so. In fact, he envisions the partnership with Oracle giving the Warriors access to huge scouting and situational probabilities databases, rich with statistics that hold the key to championship glory. Explains Rowell, "The Warriors are rapidly progressing [Editor's note: Rowell did not provide the metrics by which he is measuring the rapid progress of the team, however, SFist has it on good authority that they are the same metrics being used by Bush and Cheney to confirm the incredible progress taking place in Iraq.] toward our goal of becoming a championship organization, and partnering with Oracle is another sign of that progress. They are undoubtedly the best in the world at what they do. We look forward to tapping into them as a valuable business resource." [More like they're looking forward to tapping into greater direct marketing efficiency rates.]
Once again, the person on our site who works for Oracle had nothing to do with the writing of this post. They didn't even know it was going to be written. And neither did Steven T. Jones or Alix Rosenthal.
Yyyyea-ah. It's suspicious when people try too hard. We're talking to you Row-ell, and to you Oracle President Charles Phillips. Phillips, Icarian in his praise for the deal and for the woeful Warriors franchise, just reached too far: "This is a partnership between two major global brands, combining one of the best known names in technology with one of the best known names in sports [uh, huh?], both with a strong desire to be the best in their prospective industries [as the Warriors have consistently and irrefutably shown over the past 12 years]. With the world’s #1 database software, the fastest growing middleware software, #1 customer relationship management software, #1 human capital management software and #1 supply chain applications, we’re excited to be part of the Warriors’ path to #1." [We've got two here. 1) Lots of #1 things for Oracle there, but the best #1 he could come up with for the Warriors was "path to #1." Ouch. 2) "excited"? Really? Seems like a stretch.]
We smell money and burning egos.
Money. Everybody wins on this one, and by everybody, we mean not the fans or the team. The franchise stands to make about $1.8 million a year off the deal, and the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum Joint Powers Authority, which owns the arena, will likely receive about $1.1 million annually. In addition, arena management company SMG Management will get about 40 percent of the take. Oracle gets "a variety of sponsorship opportunities with the Warriors, including exterior and interior signage, VIP customer/partner hospitality and various other amenities" with which to bludgeon us with their corporate marketing. Because, you know, Oracle needs to make a buck too.
And speaking of which, it's possible that this naming rights agreement is the opening salvo in Oracle CEO Larry Ellison's rekindled interest in the team. Apparently, Ellison, who has long been hot to buy a professional sports team, actually tried to buy the Warriors from Cohan a couple of years ago but was rebuffed. Now, Larry's used to getting what Larry wants, and he doesn't usually take no for an answer. Isn't that right, PeopleSoft? Could be that Larry has already decided that he is going to own the Warriors. With his foot in the door with this naming agreement, Lar' is poised for a takeover, hostile if need be.
And the Warriorsphere is abuzz with excitement that somebody who gives a crap about winning might actually take over this franchise. The dude has a basketball court on his yacht!
So maybe the Oracle naming rights agreement is a good thing for the team after all. Hey, if it means the end of the Chris Cohan era, go big red!