September 7, 2006
The SFist NFL Preview: Your Complete 2006 NFL Regular Season Guesstimate
Yes. Today is the day. American football begins anew. Tonight we've got the resurgent Dolphins up against the defending champeeen Steelers, as the National Football League's 2006 regular season springs forth into action.
So, here's how we think it'll play out.
In this preview, each division's teams are ranked in order of their predicted finish from first to last. Then, musical acts from each NFL team's area are presented in the same order. The AFC North is looking particularly fonky this season.
And you? Your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Baroo? That's what the comment section is for. Come talk to me. We can work this out.
Please note, there will only be bands from New Jersey representing the "New York" franchises due to the NJ location of Giants Stadium at The Meadowlands. Simple as that.
All predictions are guaranteed by American Football Spectacular to have been made with the best of intentions, and no real surety. Indeed, that's the beautiful part -- that's why we play the games. Ahhh, football. Proceed after the jump.
By SFist Christopher Rogers, contributing
AFC East:
New England; Miami; Buffalo; New York Jets.
Mission Of Burma; Gloria Estefan; Ani DiFranco; The Bouncing Souls.
AFC North:
Pittsburgh; Baltimore; Cincinnati; Cleveland.
Anti-Flag; Clutch; Bootsy Collins; The Black Keys.
AFC South:
SFist Eve's Indianapolis Colts; Jacksonville; Tennessee; Houston.
Margot And The Nuclear So And So's; Limp Bizkit; Dolly Parton; Paul Wall.
AFC West:
Denver; San Diego; Kansas City; Your Oakland Raiders.
Winger; The Black Heart Procession; Burt Bacharach; Neurosis.
NFC East:
Dallas; Philly; The New York American Football Giants; Washington DC.
Meat Loaf; Armalite; The Dillinger Escape Plan; The Evens.
NFC North:
Chicago; Minnesota; Detroit; Green Bay.
Shellac; Dillinger Four; The White Stripes; Rev. Norb.
NFC South:
Carolina; Tampa Bay; Atlanta; New Orleans.
Superchunk; Cannibal Corpse; MF DOOM; Preservation Hall Jazz Band.
NFC West:
Seattle; St. Louis; Arizona; Your San Francisco 49ers.
Sir Mix-A-Lot; Nelly; Jimmy Eat World; Me First And The Gimme Gimmes.
Most Valuable Player: Peyton Manning, IND
Coach Of The Year: Romeo Crennel, CLE
Defensive Player Of The Year: Shawne Merriman, SD
Offensive Player Of The Year: Peyton Manning, IND
Defensive Rookie Of The Year: Michael Huff, OAK
Offensive Rookie Of The Year: Joseph Addai, IND
AFC Championship Game: Baltimore at Indianapolis
NFC Championship Game: Philly at Carolina
Super Bowl XLI: The Carolina Panthers beat up and wear down the lauded Indianapolis Colts to win their franchise's first NFL championship.
Next up on your American Football Spectacular: The Autumn Wind is a pirate. So was the castle cat from The Last Unicorn. You see where we're going with this, yes? AFS ventures into the O-Town to bring back a 2006 season preview of our second favorite cult.
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I agree with seven of your eight division champs (I think Dallas' O-line problems are going to give the Giants the NFC East), but there are two things I don't get:
1. Why would a last place coach win Coach of the Year?
2. Limp Bizkit over Dolly Parton? Or over anyone?
Chris... my bills will be in the playoffs.....PP(Peerless Price) will make sure of it.
Hi there Seamus --
#1: Yes, I expect Cleveland to be in last place... but it'll be a "high" last place considering their division, the Browns will have a much better record than their personnel SHOULD have. I trust Crennel. But I don't think that CLE will have a better record than CIN.
#2: The bands aren't ranked like one is better than the other, they just represent the area that they're from. And no one beats Dolly. Certainly not Limp Bizkit!
You know I love you Ray, but I don't see the Bills getting past .500.
And PP isn't even a number two receiver -- he couldn't win the slot WR position on the Cowboys.
PP. Slot. Number two. Uh huh-huh, huh huh. That was cool.
Seamus:
I think what Jon meant by Limp Bizkit over Dolly Parton was Fred Durst ON Dolly Parton. yech.
Keep Rollin Rollin Rollin Rollin (with Nolan).
Gold Blooded,
Scott
Ah, got it on the band ranking. Whew.
By the way, thanks for making me think of Shellac for the first time in forever.
Nope, I meant no such thing about Limp Bizkit over Dolly Parton-- this post is all Christopher. I had nothing to do with it.
Scott, aw man, I gotta go to sleep somehow tonight thinkin' of that? Yaargh. What have I done?! And yes, it was me, not Jon... don't blame him... god, what've I done?
But yes, I do indeed believe in the Way of the second Nolan. Hard-nosed is better than un-nosed.
Here's to spoiling the Cardinals' new stadium opening on Sunday.
And besides, wouldn't you think that Dolly would-- [Rogers is hit by editors' sedative darts. End scene.]
But seriously, while the teams are ranked, the bands/artists are merely meant as representative of each franchise's area. No ranking, just representation.
Sincerely, I hope I made that clear when I put: "In this preview, each division's teams are ranked in order of their predicted finish from first to last. Then, musical acts from each NFL team's area are presented in the same order."
Are other folks finding my format on this not explained well enough? If so, I could add another sentence to clarify.
As the guy who designed the new Web sites for both the Black Keys and the Cleveland Browns (well, one of 3 people for the latter), I can say I have high hopes for all my boys even though I fear you're correct. I CAN say that since TBK are actually from Akron, we still have hope in the AA baseball playoffs with the Akron Aeros. We stomped Altoona last night.
We'll take wins wherever we can get them.
PP.... Had a down year, with a team whos quarterback was lets say.... less then adequete... just like fred durst is in bed.... Also you act like PP prime was 5 years ago... he has had some set-backs but i have a feeling he is gonna show-up.But more importantly you have to be more excited about the fact that Mr. Spikes is coming back further by the prospect of the Bills having a multi-demensional RB that can run out and catch the dang ball.... (Thurman Thomas..... is rolling in his grave in excitement to see Mcgahee...)..... But i guess i have to respect a mans opinion whos heart is so cold due to the endless heartbreak that he must listen to janet jackson "What have you done for me lately" track on repeat..... ohhhh ohhh yeah!
It's true. But you're the only one that warms my heart, Ray. You and that song.
P.S. -- The Thurman line was awesome. I LOL'd.