SFist Tourist: Chinatown Ghost Tour
So, SFist Tourist has a bit of a confession: we went on the Chinatown Ghost Tour over a week ago and plumb forgot to write about it until we were watching Big Trouble in Little China last night. It could have been the misnomer in the name. Not that we thought a ghost would lead the tour, but you certainly don't go to a monster truck rally and not expect to see monster trucks. And really, what's a cockfight without cocks? A whole lotta disappointing, that's what.
We met up with our uncommunicative tour group and affable leader, Chuck, who frequently referred to his "senior moments," and proceeded to stand in Portsmouth Square for what possibly could have been 60 minutes of the 90 minute tour, not talking about ghosts. But possibly we could be exaggerating; we admit we were tired of standing still. Finally, Chuck pointed out a hotel where employees once saw a ghost trying to make a dinner reservation, and we figured our "ghostly good time" was about to start.
We did learn about some of the history and tradition in Chinatown, as we lumbered down intimidating, dark alleys and the clicking and clacking of thousands of mahjong tiles surrounded us. Locations of suicides and murders, like the Golden Dragon Massacre, were pointed out and we were told the ubiquitous ghost tale of a woman wandering around with a lantern.
Chuck recounted some anecdotes that had nothing to do with Chinatown, but involved ghosts, and some that had nothing to do with ghosts but involved Chinatown. It was clear that he knew some fascinating stories, and we really wanted to say, "Look, Chuck. How's about you stop showing us random windows and we'll take off our fanny pack, despite how handy it is, and we'll go to the nearest hole-in-the-wall bar, get tanked on Du Kang and you can tell us what's what. We know you know the real dirt."
SFist Jessica, contributing (both text and pictures).
We didn't really expect to see ghosts, and frankly, it doesn't take much to scare the beejus out of us, especially if the ghosts look anything like this. But a tour of where random people died and telling us that you felt a ghost at your friend's house in Montreal isn't worth $20 or 90 minutes of our Important Tourist Time. We had the impression that perhaps Chuck gives many varied tours of Chinatown, and realized, oh wait, this isn't the architecture one, this is the ghost one, I should throw in some more ghost-related things.
We just realized looking at the website, we didn't learn anything about things promised, like the Goddess Kwan Yin, hungry spirits and secrets of the magic moon cake. Magic moon cake, Chuck!
At the very end of the tour, Chuck, who had lost most of our trust by this point, led us into a tea store where we were given samples of tea (delicious tea, in fact) by saleswomen who were eagerly keeping the store open just for us. Chuck abandoned us there, feeling awkward and obligated to buy tea and we even had to help the real tourists find their way back to where we started because they were lost and confused. Good thing there weren't any ghosts!
Rating: 2.5 of 5 trolley cars
Educational?: Sure, but we were too busy looking for ghosts to pay close attention
Yummy food eaten beforehand? Yes! At Lucky Creation
Tourists met: 0
Fanny packs worn: Still only one
Quacking?: Sadly, only a suppressed quiet sigh of a quack, remembering our duck tour fondly
Nipples flashed: none
Secret tunnels under Chinatown mentioned? Yes! And photographic evidence of a closed-up entrance taken! (at left)
Secret message to anyone who read this far: Have any suggestions or requests for where SF Tourist should head next?